Jan. 28, 2025
The Unspoken Realities of Parenting LGBTQ+ Kids
Are you a grandparent raising LGBTQ grandchildren and navigating the unique challenges and joys that come with it? Do you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to support your grandchildren’s diverse identities while also managing personal fears and anxieties? Are you searching for a community that understands your journey and provides the tools you need to foster an inclusive and loving environment?
I’m Laura Brazan, a grandmother of LGBTQ grandchildren, on a quest to deepen my understanding and support. In this podcast, 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: The Unspoken Realities of Grandparenting LGBTQ+ Kids,' we dive into the heart of these complex experiences. Alongside therapist Laurel Roberts Meese, we unpack the importance of nurturing acceptance and celebrating diversity within families, focusing on both emotional and practical strategies.
Join us as we discuss trauma, mental health, and identity development, and explore resources like PFLAG and The Trevor Project to help build a supportive network. Hear from experts in mental health, community support, and trauma therapy, as well as fellow grandparents sharing their real-life stories. Together, we aim to break generational patterns of silence and discomfort, empowering you to validate and support your grandchildren authentically.
Fro more information or to contact Laurel Roberts-Meese, please go to https://www.laureltherapy.net/
Tune in to gain invaluable insights and transform your journey while creating a legacy of love and
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Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.
We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.
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Chapters
00:00 - Exploring kinship care and understanding diverse families.
05:15 - Therapist inspired by early experience in school.
09:04 - EMDR alleviates trauma by reprocessing upsetting memories.
14:46 - LGBT youth face identity challenges and anxiety.
17:01 - Generational issue: not listening to children's feelings.
22:54 - Phones: Not for kids, but connect marginalized youth.
24:55 - Parallel process: shared experiences strengthen digital connections.
27:20 - Embrace learning about LGBT identities and relationships.
30:44 - Orientation: love. Gender identity: internal sense. Different experiences.
34:46 - "Queer" is inclusive; opinions about it vary.
37:16 - Self-care privately; community support through organizations.
42:54 - Share challenges, successes; contribute to supportive community.
43:48 - Insightful conversation on youth sports and eating habits.
46:53 - Find inner wisdom amid life's chaos.
Transcript
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In our upcoming episode, we're diving deep into a conversation that both touches the heart and mind alike. Join us as we sit down with the insightful Laurel Roberts Meese, a seasoned therapist who has dedicated over a decade to guiding high achievers through transformative journeys of healing and self discovery.
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This week, we're unraveling the unique challenges and profound joys of raising LGBTQ grandchildren. Laurel's blend of experience and empathy offers a guiding light for grandparents navigating this path. Together, we'll explore the dynamics of nurturing, acceptance, and celebrating the beautiful diversity within our families.
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Discover how you can foster deeper connections, empower your grandchildren, and enrich your own life with newfound understanding and love.
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Tune in for a conversation that promises hope, empowerment, and a wealth of insights.
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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
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Before I begin this interview, I want to share a bit of my personal journey. As a grandmother of nine wonderful grandchildren, each on their own unique path of self discovery, two have identified themselves as LGBTQ. I've learned a lot about what it means to truly support and understand my grandkids as well as my children.
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At first, I was unfamiliar with terms like cisgender and the nuances of LGBTQ identities.
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But I knew one thing for sure. I love these kids like my own and care deeply about their future and happiness. And when Laurel approached me to host a discussion on raising LGBTQ grandchildren, it resonated with me immediately. I felt it was a topic not only close to my heart, but one that is essential for many of us to explore.
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Every child, regardless of their identity, deserves to be loved and supported openly and wholeheartedly.
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This isn't just something we can push aside, it's a vital conversation for us all. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to dive into this discussion and hope to bring you valuable insights and encouragement. Because of the fact that we as grandparents are raising grandchildren that have come from difficult situations, we are put into a position of speaking about difficult issues with kids. I speak with a lot of mental health professionals. When I saw your bio and it said voracious lover of life, I said, she's a woman I'm going to enjoy talking with.
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Truly, to have that kind of a tagline in a bio, you must be doing what you do because you love doing it. Tell us about how you got into the mental health field. Oh, man. I mean, I wish I had a more compelling story than just when I was in middle school, I went to a therapist for the first time. There was some social stuff happening that was really hard for me, and I left that session going, okay, well, that's, that's the thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to people and hear their story and get to know them and what makes them them and help them be their authentic self and deal with the hard stuff.
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And I'm one of those weirdos in life that is still on plan a. So few people, you know, have an idea when they are twelve years old that ends up still being the plan many years later. But I do love what I do. I love it so much. I get to witness people's deepest despair and their greatest triumphs. I get to see them build healthier relationships. I get to see them. I do a lot of trauma work, and I get to see them process some truly horrific things and come out the other side genuinely stronger and more. More in love with life. And people sometimes ask me, particularly during the licensure process, which is pretty brutal. It takes many years to get licensed in this field. And they say, well, would you ever want to do something else? And the answer is, pretty quickly, no. This is great. This is wonderful work.
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And I'm inspired every day by the people that I work with and the conversations I get to have.
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That's great, because I think the need for healing in this world is tremendous. And I feel the same way about the work I'm doing with my grandchildren. With a background as a professional artist, I can't think of anything more that I'd rather have on my epitaph than helped two kids have, have a successful, meaningful life. Yes, absolutely.
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And that's how the legacy gets carried on. And hopefully they do the same. Right? We're all taking care of each other in this life. And sometimes that care needs to be very specific. Sometimes that care is unexpected, not expecting to have to care for the people that we're caring for. Yeah. Trauma therapy and dealing with trauma has been something I've become acutely aware of, although, as I learn more about it, I realize we've experienced trauma from probably the very beginning of our lives.
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Yes. Trauma has a very broad definition. I mean, if you're talking clinically, our understanding of trauma really kind of dates back to world War one, and it was viewed as something that only combat veterans could experience. And the more we study trauma and what it does to the brain and how it shows up, we're seeing everyone has trauma now. It doesn't look the same for everyone. It doesn't have the same level of impact for everyone.
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But, yeah, show me a person without trauma, and I will tell you, no, there's trauma somewhere in there for sure. We all, whether it's, you know, being raised in an invalidating environment or, you know, having upsetting or experiences that were. It doesn't have to be life threatening to be traumatic, for sure. Yeah.
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You use a specific type of therapy called EMDR trauma therapy? I do, yeah. It's pretty cool. It was developed by Francine Shapiro, who discovered that if she moved her eyes side to side while thinking about something upsetting, it stopped being upsetting.
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And they did decades of research on it, basically showing that bilateral stimulation helps the brain process a traumatic memory, more like a typical memory. And let's say someone. There was a natural disaster, there was a fire, and whenever they smell smoke, their body has this huge reaction, even if it's just a campfire or, you know, someone blew out a candle, like there's no threat to their life, their body feels like it. EMDR can fix that so that you could smell the smoke, literally or figuratively, and not have that body reaction. It's pretty cool. As a modality, it's very powerful. I use it all the time.
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And certainly something that, you know, listeners who have experienced something traumatic, I'm happy to come and do another episode and talk about that because it's a whole other thing. Talking about how do we process trauma and everyone, not just our sweet LGBTQ grandkids and their grandparents and everyone, can benefit from EMDR, I believe. Let's talk about what some of the unique mental health challenges are that are faced by LGBTQ kids today. Yeah, I'm just going to say LGBT because it's shorter. It's an umbrella. And, you know, if we were to truly include a letter for every identity under that umbrella, we would just spell out the whole Alphabet.
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So I'm sure that's actually a question that a lot of listeners might have, like, what is the acronym? And to that, I say, you can say LGBT and you're fine. If you want to add the cue, you can. If you want to add the plus, you can. But as long as your intention, as long as you're using it in a neutral to positive way, like, if you say, well, LGBT, you know, and you're mocking it, then it doesn't matter what letters you put in there. And if you say it with positive intention, LGBT or LGBTQ is fine. But we're seeing that lgbt youth, they are going through a lot of the same things that their straight peers are going through in that they're doing identity work. Right.
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The job of growing up, and especially being a teenager and transitional age adulthood is developing that identity. And for lgbt youth, a big part of that is identifying either their orientation or their gender identity, other experiences that they're having, and trying to find community around that and figure out what language they want to use that feels authentic to them, because we don't have a completely universal language. Language is ever evolving. Decades ago, there were kind of only two or three words that people in the community would use as an identity. And we're so lucky that that's expanding because there are so many different experiences outside of just being a straight cisgender person. The word cisgender meaning someone who is not transgender, we're seeing lgbt youth are facing higher levels of anxiety and depression, but there are some things that can be done to kind of offset that. But it's really. It comes down to this identity work, which all youth are going through.
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Who am I? That central question. And this is not a developmental phase that can be skipped over. You can't just skip over developing your identity. You need to be a whole, real, authentic, self aware person in the world. Right? So, for lgbt youth, they are figuring out what language do they want to use to describe their experience and what community do they want to be in, and how do they surround themselves with like minded people who validate and uplift them and make them feel loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
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Right. And in the absence of that community, they're going to have more anxiety and depression. A big issue that has been going on generationally is that we don't listen to our children, we don't listen to their feelings.
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I was not raised, for instance, to be able to speak comfortably about whatever my feelings were. And I'm having to learn to be a better listener with my own grandchildren.
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Fortunately, my children and I have a great relationship raising, especially young children. Again, we've made it a practice in our family to talk about feelings at the dinner table and identify what they specifically are, because we're just not aware of what's going on in someone's own mind and body. And to have acceptance of what those specific feelings are is very validating.
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Yes. Yes. We don't have to sign off and say yes. Like, you're allowed to have those feelings. Even just saying it makes sense to me that you feel that way. Even if they're behaving like, you know, when a kid does something naughty or, you know, we're not saying that behavior is okay. We're saying it makes sense to me that you were angry. All feelings are welcome, but not all behaviors. Right. Right. And I think that we can blur them a little bit if we're not careful and if we're not listening and.
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They see us and the behaviors that we mimic, and they make sense out of it the way they need to.
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And obviously, some of the behaviors that we have with our partners or spouses are not always healthy. And if they don't understand it, they want to talk about it. Yeah.
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And they don't understand how men and women relate or how women and women relate, or how men and men relate. It's different.
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And it's different with every friendship, with every relationship, with every partner, we process information differently. We've been raised differently. So I can see why these questions are coming up for our youth in today's generation. They're trying to make sense of it all. Well, even just I'm fascinated by. Even with straight couples. Right. The function of marriage has changed wildly over the last hundred years.
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Right. And in a way, that's great because women have a lot more freedom and rights, and we have been working towards couples being able to actually functionally be partnerships where both people feel loved and respected and valued.
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But that was not the case in a marriage 100 years ago. Right. So relationships are always evolving the way our culture understands relationships. An institution like marriage that has been so entrenched and somewhat rigid, even that evolves. So it's not just these institutions like marriage, but it's actually the day to day of, like, what does any partnership between any two people look like? What do I want to take? What looks good, what looks appealing, and what do I want to be different for myself?
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So, yes, kids are watching and doing that calculation in the back of their head all the time. I wish I for this generation of children that we're raising that they can feel completely comfortable opening up any can of worms, and that should be part of what love is, right? Yes. Yes. And that they should feel free to explore things that interest them, that they're good at. I mean, the best thing that we can do for our kids, other than validate their emotions, not always their behaviors, but their emotions, is inspire curiosity. And I think it's heartbreaking that we've closed the door to a lot of things for kids based on their gender. Why couldn't a girl be interested in learning how to repair a car? Why couldn't a boy be interested in baking? These gender roles are not helping them become the best version of themselves. Right, right. So I think that. That lgbt youth and adults, of course, are doing a lot of really good work to help all of us live more expansively and more authentically.
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Even if you're not LGBT, you should be allowed to do things that you love that interest you, no matter what gender you are.
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The digital age has caused all of us to communicate less, and it must be a struggle to, on the one hand, as a child growing up in the gen x generation, to, on the one hand, be allowed to be curious and yet be growing up in a generation where maybe talking about feelings is not nurtured.
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Yeah, it's not cool, maybe.
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Yeah. So I could see that could be depressing. Absolutely. Yeah.
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Yeah. I actually want to speak to the technology piece for a minute, because I actually have a lot more nuance to my take on the role of technology in our lives. I'd love to hear it. Yeah. Now, do I think that seven year olds should have their own phones? No, I don't. You know, but, yes, we need to do a better job protecting our in person, real live, you know, real time communication and not being distracted by our devices. All of us need to work on that. And technology has also introduced an incredible way for people to connect with like minded people and to build community when there is no opportunity for inventory. Person. Community. And this is especially true for LGBTQ youth, because if you do not know anyone else in your high school that is LGBT, but there is a social media platform or a chat room or, you know, a discord community or whatever, I guess the kids are all on TikTok right now, and you actually meet people that are validating of your experience and your emotion, and they're sharing theirs, as well, and that's your only connection to community. God, I would never want to take that away from that kid. Right. Well, especially as grandparents raising grandchildren, this source of connection for me has become my life. Yes. It's how I've been able to reach out in my own time because my lifestyle is very busy and I have a lot of family commitments. And to be able to connect with intelligent people like yourself give me an opportunity and outlet to be validated and to speak about my feelings in a way that I wouldn't be able to otherwise. And that's why I encourage grandparents to use podcasts and tools in the digital age that allow us to do that. I'm a big advocate of technology and always have been and married it with my passion for creativity.
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Well, so in the therapy world, we would call this a parallel process, which is where the grandparent is going through something that is similar to what the grandkid is going through. So let's say you were raising an lgbt teenager and they didn't have community in person. You also. I actually don't know if you have community in person. I hope you do. But if digital were the only connection that you had to that parallel experience of like, oh, we need these digital communities. They're so vital to us being able to go through this difficult thing or to be who we fully are and to be understood. And that's all any of us ever want, is to be seen, heard and understood. The issues that we're coping with are things people don't want to talk about. Mhm. Yeah, it's uncomfortable or painful or the people aren't sure. They don't have an immediate way to categorize or understand it, which is why. I think there's a higher epidemic of depression and why these generational issues keep getting passed on from one generation to another. That's why I think it's important to talk about them. And that's why I think in many ways, those grandparents that are raising grandchildren are in a very unique situation about these things. You can end the cycle.
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You can end the cycle of family trauma. You can end generational patterns. You really can. I've seen it happen. It's my work.
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You can end the bad cycle. I think it's harder for, like a parent to sometimes speak to their own child. But as grandparents, there's a sense of transparency that we have with our grandchildren that their own parents didn't have. And what a great opportunity for us to leave that kind of a legacy. I don't want to see another adult in our family go by the wayside to depression or suicide or alcoholism or drug, drug addiction, whatever it is. I just wish that person could see what I see. I wish I could give them the wisdom at my age, I wish I could give that to myself as a youth.
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So, in many ways, it's a great opportunity. Yes. Oh, it's a fabulous opportunity. And I know that for a lot of people who grew up before there was widespread access to information about lgbt issues, there can be a lot of discomfort with talking about identity, with talking about relationships between same sex partners, with talking about gender issues. And I want to say to anyone out there that might be listening that has anxiety around this or doesn't know how to talk about it, that's okay. The fact that you're listening to this means that you want to know that you want to be better at it.
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And I think that if you're raising an lgbt kid, that desire to do better and to learn and to understand will be felt in some way.
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Right. Well, having an open conversation, it's just like, if my parent told me that I couldn't do something. I know.
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Probably gonna try. Try it out. Right.
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My next question is, well, if we.
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If we have open conversations and we don't show disdain, number one, I think that when there's fear, fear always comes from a part of our ego that is never healthy anyway. Right. It's bringing up something that's difficult in ourselves, and as long as we're aware of that and are open, and I can say that's hard for me to talk about because this is the way I was raised. And I would add one more phrase onto that. It's hard for me to talk about because I was raised this way.
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But I love you so much, and I do want to understand, and I'm going to try. I might not always use the right words. I might ask something that sounds ignorant to you, but I love you so much. I really want to do this work, and I'm not going to be perfect at it. Transit transparency is the most amazing gift you can give a child. Absolutely. And modeling that you don't have to be perfect at something to still be good because they're noticing that, too.
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Right. We're always growing, and if we think that stops when we grow up and we become adults, that's an illusion that we're teaching children that isn't healthy.
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Of course. So let's talk about opening the lines of communication about sexual orientation and gender identity. How do we do that? As grandparents, what kind of words do we use, and what kind of tips can you give us for building trust that way with these kids? Absolutely. Well, I feel like this might come with just a little brief vocabulary lesson, so that you don't have to ask your kids. Right.
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So I want to first, but thank you. You did a great job separating sexual orientation and gender identity because some people confuse them. So this is a very, like, if we're going to just have the simplest definition, if we're talking about an adult, obviously not a kid, we don't want to be encouraging, you know, sexual behavior in kids, but sexual orientation is who you go to bed with. Sexual or gender identity is who you go to bed as. Right. So your orientation is about who you love, who you're attracted to, who you want to build romantic, sexual, and, you know, meaningful partnerships with. And gender identity is your internal sense, all alone in a room, no one else involved, of being masculine, feminine, something in between, or none of the above. Right. So gender identity has nothing to do with anyone else. And there are some people that have the experience of being LGBTQ in that they have a orientation identity under that umbrella, and they also have a gender identity under that umbrella, which is a combined experience and, sorry, intersectional. And then there are some people that just have one, either an orientation or a gender identity that falls under that umbrella. So I think that a lot of people, they get kind of panicked if one of their kids starts expressing interest in dressing up in clothing of the other gender. What does that mean? And there's no kind of bottom line what it means for every single kid. Right. But, you know, someone dressing up as the other gender may have nothing to do with their eventual adult gender identity. It also may have nothing to do with their orientation.
00:28:16.097 --> 00:29:26.682
Right. So how do we talk about these things with our kids? I think that there are a couple of definitions. Most people are familiar with. Gay and lesbian, probably also familiar with bisexual, meaning attracted to both sexes or all sexes, depending on how you're thinking about gender. People are also usually familiar with the word transgender, which meaning they were assigned one gender at birth and they don't identify with it, and they transition to another gender. I already use the word cisgender, which is you do identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. So I identify as a cisgender woman. I was assigned female at birth, and that feels really good and authentic to me, and I think everyone has the right to feel good and authentic in how they express and identify their gender, regardless of what was said when they were born. A couple other words that people have probably heard. Nonbinary is a big one these days. It means a person who doesn't feel totally female and doesn't feel totally male.
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We see a lot of youth identifying as non binary.
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And with that also the word. So that's a gender identity. There's also pansexual, which is someone who's.
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Who is attracted to all genders, that the gender of the person doesn't matter to them. And it's meant to be more inclusive. So it includes people who are trans or non binary. Right. There's also the word genderqueer, which is similar to nonbinary, that it's, I'm not totally female or male. I'm somewhere in the middle. And then the big word that I want to talk about, because there's generational reaction to it, is the word queer. Right. It is what the Q generally stands for in LGBTQ.
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And older people have a reaction to this word often that younger people do not because it was used as a slur for a long time, and that is not the case today. It has been reclaimed the same way a lot of marginalized groups have reclaimed language about them.
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And using the word queer, you do need to be sensitive with it. If your grandchild is identifying as queer, you say, hey, is that a word that you would like me to use when talking about you in a positive way to my friends and loved ones? Because some people feel like it should only be used by people who actually hold that identity. And some people feel like it's a great umbrella word. Some people use the word queer instead of saying LGBTQ because it's an umbrella term that is kind of like anyone who isn't straight and or cisgender can be queer. So some people really hate that word. Some people love it because it's so inclusive. So this is just something you could actually open up a conversation with your grandkid and be like, hey, I was listening to this podcast, and this therapist from California was saying, some people love this word, and some people hate it. What are your thoughts?
00:31:29.609 --> 00:31:40.715
Yeah, so that's my very brief vocabulary overview, because I get a lot of people saying, laurel, I really want to have a good conversation. I want to have dialogue.
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I want to show that I'm curious and that I care, and I want to learn more, but I'm so worried about using the wrong words.
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So I just gave you some definitions, and you can always ask, as long as you ask in a very loving. Way, how do we take care of ourselves? What kind of self care can we give ourselves when we're dealing with a grandchild that has gender identity or kids that are struggling with sexual identity?
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Oh, man. Well, the first thing I'll say is, it's really okay. To have a certain amount of fear and anxiety around it. Right. Because you love these kids.
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You love them so much. And historically and still in many places, there is a safety issue if people are. If their gender expression doesn't line up with how other people perceive them.
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Right. And it makes sense to be afraid for your kids safety.
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However, it's a really fine line to walk, to be feeling all these feelings of anxiety and fear for their safety and uncertainty about what it's going to mean for their future, because you want them to have the best life possible and invalidating them. Right. So I think any self care that you do, any work that you're doing, trying to manage that fear, you really have to do it away from the kid.
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Right. You don't want to let them know how afraid you are. You don't want to because they will perceive that as a lack of support. So the self care needs to be in private. And there's, again, nothing better than community here. So there are a couple of organizations. PfLAg is going to be the most common one. It stands for, actually, parents and friends of lesbians and gays. It's a very old organization, so their acronym hasn't caught up with language as we use it today. And they have local chapters and they have online groups where you can go and talk and meet other people that are grappling with some of these same issues. When I was doing all my licensure hours, I actually worked in an lgbt center, and we had a dedicated group for parents and caregivers of gender nonconforming youth. And that group was incredible. I mean, just the community and the space to share the fears, to ask questions, to talk about the nitty gritty and the umbrella experience of it.
00:34:31.059 --> 00:35:01.030
Just don't try and do this all alone. Right. That. That would be my number one thing for self care. And then to extend to yourself the same compassion that you wish for the kids you're raising. Self compassion goes a very long way, so. But self care looks like the actual practical day to day self care looks very different for everyone. Some people, it's exercise. Some people, it's time alone. Some people, it's time people, it's time with people.
00:35:01.369 --> 00:35:48.119
So it's really about knowing yourself. And we're talking about identity today, knowing yourself and what you need and being able to protect the little pockets, particularly if you've got young kids in the house. I know it's a tall order, but those little pockets of time for yourself, that's great advice. I think it sounds like there's a very compassionate community for support. Can you recommend any books or websites? Let's see. The Trevor project is very specific. It's about preventing and responding to lgbt youth suicide issues, which unfortunately, there are higher rates of suicide attempts and completions for lgbt youth.
00:35:48.900 --> 00:36:14.659
I will say that those attempts and completions are completely explained by a lack of validation in the home, in the environment where they are a lgbt youth that is validated and knows they are loved and has people that are telling them who they are is beautiful. Much, much lower risk of suicide. So I want to make sure to mention that because it's very important.
00:36:14.820 --> 00:36:21.000
The Trevor project has resources there. There are many, many books, blogs, communities.
00:36:22.099 --> 00:37:14.882
I don't have any specific because it often depends on the demographic. Right. It depends on the age of the kid. It depends on. Are you looking specifically to ask, with trans youth, a lot of people immediately go to the medical transition, whereas actually most of the transition is social. Right. Like how someone moves through the world. So I will say there, let's not conflate medical and social transition. There are some people that never medically transition but do socially transition. So it depends on what specific content. I don't have one resource for all of it other than starting at PFLAG, and they may have connections to local organizations that would be applicable to wherever the listener is. Not all listeners are even in the US. Right? Right, yeah.
00:37:15.065 --> 00:37:25.409
And are you comfortable with listeners reaching out to you for questions about. Oh, yeah, resources? Yeah, absolutely. They're welcome to reach out.
00:37:26.230 --> 00:38:10.121
So it's myself and then I have some associates that I work with that are fabulous therapists as well. We are currently licensed. Our providers are licensed mostly in California, but we can also serve people in Florida, Pennsylvania, Virginia. And we've got a Washington state license pending. So certainly for resources and just kind of one off. Anyone's happy to reach out. If you're actually looking to do any kind of therapy work, trauma work or therapy for your teen, it would need to be in one of those states. Your website, Laurel, do you want to. Yeah, that's laureltherapy.net dot. Laureltherapy.net dot. We're on Instagram, kind of. We do some posts.
00:38:10.146 --> 00:38:13.769
We're not on there all the time. And that's oraltherapy collective.
00:38:13.929 --> 00:38:45.679
And then we've also got a LinkedIn and a Facebook. We're pretty easy to find if you look for us. Thanks. Well, yeah, once again, I want to encourage all of our listeners to think about the importance of love and acceptance, because that's what we want for ourselves. The issues that we're talking about today are difficult, but we don't want to lose our children to depression and suicide. Thanks, Laurel, for this conversation. I really appreciate your time and expertise and the best.
00:38:45.800 --> 00:39:04.076
We can't prevent all depression and all suicide, but the best protection we can give is love and just unconditional acceptance of these kids. There's no asterisks on it. We love all of them, even if their experiences and identity are new to us.
00:39:04.268 --> 00:39:11.320
Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity.
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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Were you that kid that hated sports and were teased because of a pushed and prodded to be more athletic and you did just the opposite? Or were you the kid that was very athletic and you found yourself pleasing your parents, maybe even killing yourself to be the best on the team?
00:40:29.079 --> 00:40:51.110
Well, get ready next week for an inspiring episode as we sit down with Michael Huber, a former corporate executive who made a bold leap in the world of sports psychology after nearly 20 years in the business. Michael's journey was fueled by his own recovery from gambling addiction and shaped by the dysfunction he observed as a sports parent and volunteer coach.
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In this candid conversation, Michael will share his mission to equip young athletes and their families with the essential tools to thrive in today's increasingly challenging and often toxic youth sports environment.
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His insights promised to shed light on the pressures young athletes face and how we can foster a healthier, more supportive atmosphere for them to flourish. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Michael's experiences and wisdom as we explore how we can all contribute to a more positive sports culture. Join us for a poignant and enlightening conversation with Jessica Cetnik.
00:41:32.215 --> 00:41:47.349
As we explore healing your inner eater, we are diving deep into the complex world of the eating habit habits, not just the what and how much, but the why behind our choices and the emotions tied to our food stories.
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Discover how your upbringing and those who influenced your eating patterns impact the way you eat today.
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Learn to decipher whether these ingrained stories serve you or hinder you and how you can choose to reshape them. Jessica's revolutionary approach redefines eating disorders, emphasizing they are relevant to everyone, not just a selected few. This episode is perfect for three types of those new to understanding eating disorders, those who think it only affects a niche group and those seeking guidance for themselves or loved ones struggling with food issues.
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Tune in to uncover the hidden narratives behind your relationship with food and take away transformative strategies that could change the way you eat and live forever. Whether you're a healthcare professional, educator, or someone interested in personal growth, this is a conversation you won't want to miss.
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Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.
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Peace be with you, and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
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In our upcoming episode, we're diving deep into a conversation that both touches the heart and mind alike. Join us as we sit down with the insightful Laurel Roberts Meese, a seasoned therapist who has dedicated over a decade to guiding high achievers through transformative journeys of healing and self discovery.
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This week, we're unraveling the unique challenges and profound joys of raising LGBTQ grandchildren. Laurel's blend of experience and empathy offers a guiding light for grandparents navigating this path. Together, we'll explore the dynamics of nurturing, acceptance, and celebrating the beautiful diversity within our families.
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Discover how you can foster deeper connections, empower your grandchildren, and enrich your own life with newfound understanding and love.
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Tune in for a conversation that promises hope, empowerment, and a wealth of insights.
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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
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Before I begin this interview, I want to share a bit of my personal journey. As a grandmother of nine wonderful grandchildren, each on their own unique path of self discovery, two have identified themselves as LGBTQ. I've learned a lot about what it means to truly support and understand my grandkids as well as my children.
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At first, I was unfamiliar with terms like cisgender and the nuances of LGBTQ identities.
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But I knew one thing for sure. I love these kids like my own and care deeply about their future and happiness. And when Laurel approached me to host a discussion on raising LGBTQ grandchildren, it resonated with me immediately. I felt it was a topic not only close to my heart, but one that is essential for many of us to explore.
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Every child, regardless of their identity, deserves to be loved and supported openly and wholeheartedly.
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This isn't just something we can push aside, it's a vital conversation for us all. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to dive into this discussion and hope to bring you valuable insights and encouragement. Because of the fact that we as grandparents are raising grandchildren that have come from difficult situations, we are put into a position of speaking about difficult issues with kids. I speak with a lot of mental health professionals. When I saw your bio and it said voracious lover of life, I said, she's a woman I'm going to enjoy talking with.
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Truly, to have that kind of a tagline in a bio, you must be doing what you do because you love doing it. Tell us about how you got into the mental health field. Oh, man. I mean, I wish I had a more compelling story than just when I was in middle school, I went to a therapist for the first time. There was some social stuff happening that was really hard for me, and I left that session going, okay, well, that's, that's the thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to people and hear their story and get to know them and what makes them them and help them be their authentic self and deal with the hard stuff.
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And I'm one of those weirdos in life that is still on plan a. So few people, you know, have an idea when they are twelve years old that ends up still being the plan many years later. But I do love what I do. I love it so much. I get to witness people's deepest despair and their greatest triumphs. I get to see them build healthier relationships. I get to see them. I do a lot of trauma work, and I get to see them process some truly horrific things and come out the other side genuinely stronger and more. More in love with life. And people sometimes ask me, particularly during the licensure process, which is pretty brutal. It takes many years to get licensed in this field. And they say, well, would you ever want to do something else? And the answer is, pretty quickly, no. This is great. This is wonderful work.
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And I'm inspired every day by the people that I work with and the conversations I get to have.
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That's great, because I think the need for healing in this world is tremendous. And I feel the same way about the work I'm doing with my grandchildren. With a background as a professional artist, I can't think of anything more that I'd rather have on my epitaph than helped two kids have, have a successful, meaningful life. Yes, absolutely.
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And that's how the legacy gets carried on. And hopefully they do the same. Right? We're all taking care of each other in this life. And sometimes that care needs to be very specific. Sometimes that care is unexpected, not expecting to have to care for the people that we're caring for. Yeah. Trauma therapy and dealing with trauma has been something I've become acutely aware of, although, as I learn more about it, I realize we've experienced trauma from probably the very beginning of our lives.
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Yes. Trauma has a very broad definition. I mean, if you're talking clinically, our understanding of trauma really kind of dates back to world War one, and it was viewed as something that only combat veterans could experience. And the more we study trauma and what it does to the brain and how it shows up, we're seeing everyone has trauma now. It doesn't look the same for everyone. It doesn't have the same level of impact for everyone.
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But, yeah, show me a person without trauma, and I will tell you, no, there's trauma somewhere in there for sure. We all, whether it's, you know, being raised in an invalidating environment or, you know, having upsetting or experiences that were. It doesn't have to be life threatening to be traumatic, for sure. Yeah.
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You use a specific type of therapy called EMDR trauma therapy? I do, yeah. It's pretty cool. It was developed by Francine Shapiro, who discovered that if she moved her eyes side to side while thinking about something upsetting, it stopped being upsetting.
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And they did decades of research on it, basically showing that bilateral stimulation helps the brain process a traumatic memory, more like a typical memory. And let's say someone. There was a natural disaster, there was a fire, and whenever they smell smoke, their body has this huge reaction, even if it's just a campfire or, you know, someone blew out a candle, like there's no threat to their life, their body feels like it. EMDR can fix that so that you could smell the smoke, literally or figuratively, and not have that body reaction. It's pretty cool. As a modality, it's very powerful. I use it all the time.
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And certainly something that, you know, listeners who have experienced something traumatic, I'm happy to come and do another episode and talk about that because it's a whole other thing. Talking about how do we process trauma and everyone, not just our sweet LGBTQ grandkids and their grandparents and everyone, can benefit from EMDR, I believe. Let's talk about what some of the unique mental health challenges are that are faced by LGBTQ kids today. Yeah, I'm just going to say LGBT because it's shorter. It's an umbrella. And, you know, if we were to truly include a letter for every identity under that umbrella, we would just spell out the whole Alphabet.
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So I'm sure that's actually a question that a lot of listeners might have, like, what is the acronym? And to that, I say, you can say LGBT and you're fine. If you want to add the cue, you can. If you want to add the plus, you can. But as long as your intention, as long as you're using it in a neutral to positive way, like, if you say, well, LGBT, you know, and you're mocking it, then it doesn't matter what letters you put in there. And if you say it with positive intention, LGBT or LGBTQ is fine. But we're seeing that lgbt youth, they are going through a lot of the same things that their straight peers are going through in that they're doing identity work. Right.
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The job of growing up, and especially being a teenager and transitional age adulthood is developing that identity. And for lgbt youth, a big part of that is identifying either their orientation or their gender identity, other experiences that they're having, and trying to find community around that and figure out what language they want to use that feels authentic to them, because we don't have a completely universal language. Language is ever evolving. Decades ago, there were kind of only two or three words that people in the community would use as an identity. And we're so lucky that that's expanding because there are so many different experiences outside of just being a straight cisgender person. The word cisgender meaning someone who is not transgender, we're seeing lgbt youth are facing higher levels of anxiety and depression, but there are some things that can be done to kind of offset that. But it's really. It comes down to this identity work, which all youth are going through.
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Who am I? That central question. And this is not a developmental phase that can be skipped over. You can't just skip over developing your identity. You need to be a whole, real, authentic, self aware person in the world. Right? So, for lgbt youth, they are figuring out what language do they want to use to describe their experience and what community do they want to be in, and how do they surround themselves with like minded people who validate and uplift them and make them feel loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
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Right. And in the absence of that community, they're going to have more anxiety and depression. A big issue that has been going on generationally is that we don't listen to our children, we don't listen to their feelings.
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I was not raised, for instance, to be able to speak comfortably about whatever my feelings were. And I'm having to learn to be a better listener with my own grandchildren.
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Fortunately, my children and I have a great relationship raising, especially young children. Again, we've made it a practice in our family to talk about feelings at the dinner table and identify what they specifically are, because we're just not aware of what's going on in someone's own mind and body. And to have acceptance of what those specific feelings are is very validating.
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Yes. Yes. We don't have to sign off and say yes. Like, you're allowed to have those feelings. Even just saying it makes sense to me that you feel that way. Even if they're behaving like, you know, when a kid does something naughty or, you know, we're not saying that behavior is okay. We're saying it makes sense to me that you were angry. All feelings are welcome, but not all behaviors. Right. Right. And I think that we can blur them a little bit if we're not careful and if we're not listening and.
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They see us and the behaviors that we mimic, and they make sense out of it the way they need to.
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And obviously, some of the behaviors that we have with our partners or spouses are not always healthy. And if they don't understand it, they want to talk about it. Yeah.
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And they don't understand how men and women relate or how women and women relate, or how men and men relate. It's different.
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And it's different with every friendship, with every relationship, with every partner, we process information differently. We've been raised differently. So I can see why these questions are coming up for our youth in today's generation. They're trying to make sense of it all. Well, even just I'm fascinated by. Even with straight couples. Right. The function of marriage has changed wildly over the last hundred years.
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Right. And in a way, that's great because women have a lot more freedom and rights, and we have been working towards couples being able to actually functionally be partnerships where both people feel loved and respected and valued.
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But that was not the case in a marriage 100 years ago. Right. So relationships are always evolving the way our culture understands relationships. An institution like marriage that has been so entrenched and somewhat rigid, even that evolves. So it's not just these institutions like marriage, but it's actually the day to day of, like, what does any partnership between any two people look like? What do I want to take? What looks good, what looks appealing, and what do I want to be different for myself?
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So, yes, kids are watching and doing that calculation in the back of their head all the time. I wish I for this generation of children that we're raising that they can feel completely comfortable opening up any can of worms, and that should be part of what love is, right? Yes. Yes. And that they should feel free to explore things that interest them, that they're good at. I mean, the best thing that we can do for our kids, other than validate their emotions, not always their behaviors, but their emotions, is inspire curiosity. And I think it's heartbreaking that we've closed the door to a lot of things for kids based on their gender. Why couldn't a girl be interested in learning how to repair a car? Why couldn't a boy be interested in baking? These gender roles are not helping them become the best version of themselves. Right, right. So I think that. That lgbt youth and adults, of course, are doing a lot of really good work to help all of us live more expansively and more authentically.
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Even if you're not LGBT, you should be allowed to do things that you love that interest you, no matter what gender you are.
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The digital age has caused all of us to communicate less, and it must be a struggle to, on the one hand, as a child growing up in the gen x generation, to, on the one hand, be allowed to be curious and yet be growing up in a generation where maybe talking about feelings is not nurtured.
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Yeah, it's not cool, maybe.
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Yeah. So I could see that could be depressing. Absolutely. Yeah.
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Yeah. I actually want to speak to the technology piece for a minute, because I actually have a lot more nuance to my take on the role of technology in our lives. I'd love to hear it. Yeah. Now, do I think that seven year olds should have their own phones? No, I don't. You know, but, yes, we need to do a better job protecting our in person, real live, you know, real time communication and not being distracted by our devices. All of us need to work on that. And technology has also introduced an incredible way for people to connect with like minded people and to build community when there is no opportunity for inventory. Person. Community. And this is especially true for LGBTQ youth, because if you do not know anyone else in your high school that is LGBT, but there is a social media platform or a chat room or, you know, a discord community or whatever, I guess the kids are all on TikTok right now, and you actually meet people that are validating of your experience and your emotion, and they're sharing theirs, as well, and that's your only connection to community. God, I would never want to take that away from that kid. Right. Well, especially as grandparents raising grandchildren, this source of connection for me has become my life. Yes. It's how I've been able to reach out in my own time because my lifestyle is very busy and I have a lot of family commitments. And to be able to connect with intelligent people like yourself give me an opportunity and outlet to be validated and to speak about my feelings in a way that I wouldn't be able to otherwise. And that's why I encourage grandparents to use podcasts and tools in the digital age that allow us to do that. I'm a big advocate of technology and always have been and married it with my passion for creativity.
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Well, so in the therapy world, we would call this a parallel process, which is where the grandparent is going through something that is similar to what the grandkid is going through. So let's say you were raising an lgbt teenager and they didn't have community in person. You also. I actually don't know if you have community in person. I hope you do. But if digital were the only connection that you had to that parallel experience of like, oh, we need these digital communities. They're so vital to us being able to go through this difficult thing or to be who we fully are and to be understood. And that's all any of us ever want, is to be seen, heard and understood. The issues that we're coping with are things people don't want to talk about. Mhm. Yeah, it's uncomfortable or painful or the people aren't sure. They don't have an immediate way to categorize or understand it, which is why. I think there's a higher epidemic of depression and why these generational issues keep getting passed on from one generation to another. That's why I think it's important to talk about them. And that's why I think in many ways, those grandparents that are raising grandchildren are in a very unique situation about these things. You can end the cycle.
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You can end the cycle of family trauma. You can end generational patterns. You really can. I've seen it happen. It's my work.
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You can end the bad cycle. I think it's harder for, like a parent to sometimes speak to their own child. But as grandparents, there's a sense of transparency that we have with our grandchildren that their own parents didn't have. And what a great opportunity for us to leave that kind of a legacy. I don't want to see another adult in our family go by the wayside to depression or suicide or alcoholism or drug, drug addiction, whatever it is. I just wish that person could see what I see. I wish I could give them the wisdom at my age, I wish I could give that to myself as a youth.
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So, in many ways, it's a great opportunity. Yes. Oh, it's a fabulous opportunity. And I know that for a lot of people who grew up before there was widespread access to information about lgbt issues, there can be a lot of discomfort with talking about identity, with talking about relationships between same sex partners, with talking about gender issues. And I want to say to anyone out there that might be listening that has anxiety around this or doesn't know how to talk about it, that's okay. The fact that you're listening to this means that you want to know that you want to be better at it.
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And I think that if you're raising an lgbt kid, that desire to do better and to learn and to understand will be felt in some way.
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Right. Well, having an open conversation, it's just like, if my parent told me that I couldn't do something. I know.
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Probably gonna try. Try it out. Right.
00:24:45.150 --> 00:24:48.973
My next question is, well, if we.
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If we have open conversations and we don't show disdain, number one, I think that when there's fear, fear always comes from a part of our ego that is never healthy anyway. Right. It's bringing up something that's difficult in ourselves, and as long as we're aware of that and are open, and I can say that's hard for me to talk about because this is the way I was raised. And I would add one more phrase onto that. It's hard for me to talk about because I was raised this way.
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But I love you so much, and I do want to understand, and I'm going to try. I might not always use the right words. I might ask something that sounds ignorant to you, but I love you so much. I really want to do this work, and I'm not going to be perfect at it. Transit transparency is the most amazing gift you can give a child. Absolutely. And modeling that you don't have to be perfect at something to still be good because they're noticing that, too.
00:25:51.609 --> 00:26:02.900
Right. We're always growing, and if we think that stops when we grow up and we become adults, that's an illusion that we're teaching children that isn't healthy.
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Of course. So let's talk about opening the lines of communication about sexual orientation and gender identity. How do we do that? As grandparents, what kind of words do we use, and what kind of tips can you give us for building trust that way with these kids? Absolutely. Well, I feel like this might come with just a little brief vocabulary lesson, so that you don't have to ask your kids. Right.
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So I want to first, but thank you. You did a great job separating sexual orientation and gender identity because some people confuse them. So this is a very, like, if we're going to just have the simplest definition, if we're talking about an adult, obviously not a kid, we don't want to be encouraging, you know, sexual behavior in kids, but sexual orientation is who you go to bed with. Sexual or gender identity is who you go to bed as. Right. So your orientation is about who you love, who you're attracted to, who you want to build romantic, sexual, and, you know, meaningful partnerships with. And gender identity is your internal sense, all alone in a room, no one else involved, of being masculine, feminine, something in between, or none of the above. Right. So gender identity has nothing to do with anyone else. And there are some people that have the experience of being LGBTQ in that they have a orientation identity under that umbrella, and they also have a gender identity under that umbrella, which is a combined experience and, sorry, intersectional. And then there are some people that just have one, either an orientation or a gender identity that falls under that umbrella. So I think that a lot of people, they get kind of panicked if one of their kids starts expressing interest in dressing up in clothing of the other gender. What does that mean? And there's no kind of bottom line what it means for every single kid. Right. But, you know, someone dressing up as the other gender may have nothing to do with their eventual adult gender identity. It also may have nothing to do with their orientation.
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Right. So how do we talk about these things with our kids? I think that there are a couple of definitions. Most people are familiar with. Gay and lesbian, probably also familiar with bisexual, meaning attracted to both sexes or all sexes, depending on how you're thinking about gender. People are also usually familiar with the word transgender, which meaning they were assigned one gender at birth and they don't identify with it, and they transition to another gender. I already use the word cisgender, which is you do identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. So I identify as a cisgender woman. I was assigned female at birth, and that feels really good and authentic to me, and I think everyone has the right to feel good and authentic in how they express and identify their gender, regardless of what was said when they were born. A couple other words that people have probably heard. Nonbinary is a big one these days. It means a person who doesn't feel totally female and doesn't feel totally male.
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We see a lot of youth identifying as non binary.
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And with that also the word. So that's a gender identity. There's also pansexual, which is someone who's.
00:29:37.602 --> 00:30:10.538
Who is attracted to all genders, that the gender of the person doesn't matter to them. And it's meant to be more inclusive. So it includes people who are trans or non binary. Right. There's also the word genderqueer, which is similar to nonbinary, that it's, I'm not totally female or male. I'm somewhere in the middle. And then the big word that I want to talk about, because there's generational reaction to it, is the word queer. Right. It is what the Q generally stands for in LGBTQ.
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And older people have a reaction to this word often that younger people do not because it was used as a slur for a long time, and that is not the case today. It has been reclaimed the same way a lot of marginalized groups have reclaimed language about them.
00:30:29.490 --> 00:31:28.950
And using the word queer, you do need to be sensitive with it. If your grandchild is identifying as queer, you say, hey, is that a word that you would like me to use when talking about you in a positive way to my friends and loved ones? Because some people feel like it should only be used by people who actually hold that identity. And some people feel like it's a great umbrella word. Some people use the word queer instead of saying LGBTQ because it's an umbrella term that is kind of like anyone who isn't straight and or cisgender can be queer. So some people really hate that word. Some people love it because it's so inclusive. So this is just something you could actually open up a conversation with your grandkid and be like, hey, I was listening to this podcast, and this therapist from California was saying, some people love this word, and some people hate it. What are your thoughts?
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Yeah, so that's my very brief vocabulary overview, because I get a lot of people saying, laurel, I really want to have a good conversation. I want to have dialogue.
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I want to show that I'm curious and that I care, and I want to learn more, but I'm so worried about using the wrong words.
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So I just gave you some definitions, and you can always ask, as long as you ask in a very loving. Way, how do we take care of ourselves? What kind of self care can we give ourselves when we're dealing with a grandchild that has gender identity or kids that are struggling with sexual identity?
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Oh, man. Well, the first thing I'll say is, it's really okay. To have a certain amount of fear and anxiety around it. Right. Because you love these kids.
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You love them so much. And historically and still in many places, there is a safety issue if people are. If their gender expression doesn't line up with how other people perceive them.
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Right. And it makes sense to be afraid for your kids safety.
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However, it's a really fine line to walk, to be feeling all these feelings of anxiety and fear for their safety and uncertainty about what it's going to mean for their future, because you want them to have the best life possible and invalidating them. Right. So I think any self care that you do, any work that you're doing, trying to manage that fear, you really have to do it away from the kid.
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Right. You don't want to let them know how afraid you are. You don't want to because they will perceive that as a lack of support. So the self care needs to be in private. And there's, again, nothing better than community here. So there are a couple of organizations. PfLAg is going to be the most common one. It stands for, actually, parents and friends of lesbians and gays. It's a very old organization, so their acronym hasn't caught up with language as we use it today. And they have local chapters and they have online groups where you can go and talk and meet other people that are grappling with some of these same issues. When I was doing all my licensure hours, I actually worked in an lgbt center, and we had a dedicated group for parents and caregivers of gender nonconforming youth. And that group was incredible. I mean, just the community and the space to share the fears, to ask questions, to talk about the nitty gritty and the umbrella experience of it.
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Just don't try and do this all alone. Right. That. That would be my number one thing for self care. And then to extend to yourself the same compassion that you wish for the kids you're raising. Self compassion goes a very long way, so. But self care looks like the actual practical day to day self care looks very different for everyone. Some people, it's exercise. Some people, it's time alone. Some people, it's time people, it's time with people.
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So it's really about knowing yourself. And we're talking about identity today, knowing yourself and what you need and being able to protect the little pockets, particularly if you've got young kids in the house. I know it's a tall order, but those little pockets of time for yourself, that's great advice. I think it sounds like there's a very compassionate community for support. Can you recommend any books or websites? Let's see. The Trevor project is very specific. It's about preventing and responding to lgbt youth suicide issues, which unfortunately, there are higher rates of suicide attempts and completions for lgbt youth.
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I will say that those attempts and completions are completely explained by a lack of validation in the home, in the environment where they are a lgbt youth that is validated and knows they are loved and has people that are telling them who they are is beautiful. Much, much lower risk of suicide. So I want to make sure to mention that because it's very important.
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The Trevor project has resources there. There are many, many books, blogs, communities.
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I don't have any specific because it often depends on the demographic. Right. It depends on the age of the kid. It depends on. Are you looking specifically to ask, with trans youth, a lot of people immediately go to the medical transition, whereas actually most of the transition is social. Right. Like how someone moves through the world. So I will say there, let's not conflate medical and social transition. There are some people that never medically transition but do socially transition. So it depends on what specific content. I don't have one resource for all of it other than starting at PFLAG, and they may have connections to local organizations that would be applicable to wherever the listener is. Not all listeners are even in the US. Right? Right, yeah.
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And are you comfortable with listeners reaching out to you for questions about. Oh, yeah, resources? Yeah, absolutely. They're welcome to reach out.
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So it's myself and then I have some associates that I work with that are fabulous therapists as well. We are currently licensed. Our providers are licensed mostly in California, but we can also serve people in Florida, Pennsylvania, Virginia. And we've got a Washington state license pending. So certainly for resources and just kind of one off. Anyone's happy to reach out. If you're actually looking to do any kind of therapy work, trauma work or therapy for your teen, it would need to be in one of those states. Your website, Laurel, do you want to. Yeah, that's laureltherapy.net dot. Laureltherapy.net dot. We're on Instagram, kind of. We do some posts.
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We're not on there all the time. And that's oraltherapy collective.
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And then we've also got a LinkedIn and a Facebook. We're pretty easy to find if you look for us. Thanks. Well, yeah, once again, I want to encourage all of our listeners to think about the importance of love and acceptance, because that's what we want for ourselves. The issues that we're talking about today are difficult, but we don't want to lose our children to depression and suicide. Thanks, Laurel, for this conversation. I really appreciate your time and expertise and the best.
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We can't prevent all depression and all suicide, but the best protection we can give is love and just unconditional acceptance of these kids. There's no asterisks on it. We love all of them, even if their experiences and identity are new to us.
00:39:04.268 --> 00:39:11.320
Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity.
00:39:11.940 --> 00:40:28.139
I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Were you that kid that hated sports and were teased because of a pushed and prodded to be more athletic and you did just the opposite? Or were you the kid that was very athletic and you found yourself pleasing your parents, maybe even killing yourself to be the best on the team?
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Well, get ready next week for an inspiring episode as we sit down with Michael Huber, a former corporate executive who made a bold leap in the world of sports psychology after nearly 20 years in the business. Michael's journey was fueled by his own recovery from gambling addiction and shaped by the dysfunction he observed as a sports parent and volunteer coach.
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In this candid conversation, Michael will share his mission to equip young athletes and their families with the essential tools to thrive in today's increasingly challenging and often toxic youth sports environment.
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His insights promised to shed light on the pressures young athletes face and how we can foster a healthier, more supportive atmosphere for them to flourish. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Michael's experiences and wisdom as we explore how we can all contribute to a more positive sports culture. Join us for a poignant and enlightening conversation with Jessica Cetnik.
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As we explore healing your inner eater, we are diving deep into the complex world of the eating habit habits, not just the what and how much, but the why behind our choices and the emotions tied to our food stories.
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Discover how your upbringing and those who influenced your eating patterns impact the way you eat today.
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Learn to decipher whether these ingrained stories serve you or hinder you and how you can choose to reshape them. Jessica's revolutionary approach redefines eating disorders, emphasizing they are relevant to everyone, not just a selected few. This episode is perfect for three types of those new to understanding eating disorders, those who think it only affects a niche group and those seeking guidance for themselves or loved ones struggling with food issues.
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Tune in to uncover the hidden narratives behind your relationship with food and take away transformative strategies that could change the way you eat and live forever. Whether you're a healthcare professional, educator, or someone interested in personal growth, this is a conversation you won't want to miss.
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Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.
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Peace be with you, and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
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