Jan. 7, 2025
Rethinking Aging: Mentoring A New Generation
Are you a grandparent navigating the intricate challenges of raising your grandchildren? Have you considered mentorship as a means to connect with the community amidst the whirlwind of responsibilities? Welcome to 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren,' where we delve into stories and strategies to empower you and your family.
I'm Laura Brazan, and in this week's episode, "Rethinking Aging – Mentoring a New Generation," we sit down with Dr. Deborah Heiser, founder of The Mentor Project. Dr. Heiser shares the significance of lateral mentoring, emphasizing community engagement and emotional mentoring, especially for grandparents. Hear inspiring success stories from The Mentor Project, where mentees have patented inventions, started businesses, and pursued higher education, all through the power of shared expertise.
We’ll explore how mentoring can be a rewarding experience for all ages and uncover the importance of traditions, storytelling, and emotional growth in aging. Discover practical advice on starting local mentorship programs and engaging in simple community activities to build a supportive network.
Tune in to uncover how you can leverage your life experiences to mentor the younger generation, find fulfillment, and create lasting impacts within your community. Let's embark on this journey together, reshaping mentorship and embracing the strength of our shared wisdom.
Don't miss the profound insights and actionable steps from our enriching discussion available on all major podcast platforms.
To read more about Deborah Heiser and The Mentor Project, please visit https://mentorproject.org/
Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.
We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.
Want to be a guest on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity? Send Laura Brazan a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/grg
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Chapters
00:00 - Mentoring as transformative tool for aging empowerment.
03:25 - Mentorship redefines aging, creates lasting legacies.
09:34 - Experts find mentees outside typical youth circles.
11:33 - Mother-in-law provided comfort in three-generation household.
14:42 - Weekly meetings led to a mentoring program.
17:57 - You can never have too many mentors.
20:15 - Ensure safety by checking robust onboarding processes.
25:27 - Mentoring isn't just for retired people.
27:00 - Thanksgiving traditions: Mentoring, gratitude, family traditions uphold.
31:08 - Family dinner tradition with kids playing together.
32:53 - Share tasks: potluck meals, game nights, cleanup.
37:23 - Online interactions or in-person gatherings, like sports.
41:53 - Share stories to enrich grandparents' supportive community.
43:01 - Differences became strength through healing and spirituality.
Transcript
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Join us for an illuminating conversation with Doctor Deborah Heiser, the visionary founder and CEO of the Mentor Project. In this transformative episode, we'll explore how the act of mentoring is not just a gift to the next generation, but a powerful tool for personal and societal change.
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Doctor Heiser will share her insights on the profound impact of mentorship, especially as we age, revealing that our golden years can be the most dynamic, knowledgeable phase of our lives.
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Discover how passing the torch of knowledge, culture, and values can inspire both mentors and mentees alike. From the profound lessons learned by grandparents raising grandchildren to the exciting opportunities for growth and mentorship relationships, this episode will empower you to rethink aging and embrace the remarkable role you can play in shaping the future. Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child. Rearing for children who have experienced experience.
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Trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
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As a grandparent, I'm always so focused on the problems, and I often underestimate the profound impact that I can have on my grandchildren's lives.
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It's easy to overlook how even the simplest interactions can shape their views and values in ways we may never fully recognize. Did you ever think that a casual conversation during a walk in the park, or teaching a child how to cook a cherished family recipe, or even chatting with a retired neighbor about their career as a mechanic or a coach or even an actress could influence the trajectory. Of a child's life? It's these moments that hold the potential to create lasting memories and impart invaluable wisdom. In our so called golden years, we have a treasure trove of experiences and stories that can serve as powerful mentorship tools. The opportunities for mentorship exist all around us, in our neighborhoods, local communities, and within our own families. By embracing these opportunities, we can leave a legacy far greater than we might have imagined. This and much more in my enlightening conversation with Doctor Deborah Heiser, the founder and CEO of the Mentor project, we'll explore how mentoring can redefine aging, the invaluable lessons we can impart to a new generation, and the beautiful connections that arise when we pass on our knowledge and insights. Join us as we rethink aging and discover the powerful role that grandparents can play in mentoring the future.
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I was introduced to Deborah, who is an applied developmental psychologist with a specialty in midlife and aging. She's the founder, CEO of the Mentor Project, and author of the mentorship Edge. She's been a TEDx speaker and a professor, and she's been quoted in the New York Times, Seattle Times, Dallas Times, and contributes to thrive global. Her research covers a wide range of topics related to aging, including depression, identification, dementia, and frailty, and she's gotten grants from NIA, NIH, and Pfizer.
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She received an international award for her research on depression identification, as well as has served nine years on the board of the State Society on Aging of New York, of which she was also president in 2008. She's also served as president of the Queen's Psychological association in New York.
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So with these accolades and her experience, I couldn't wait to hear her perspectives on aging as well as her passion for mentoring. Well, thanks for having me on.
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I'm really excited when I found out what you were doing. I got really excited because mentoring for. Me started with my grandparents. It's something that starts with a lot of people's grandparents. Most people don't think of that. They think of a mentor as a professional. And people will say to me, hey, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not a doctor. I can't mentor someone. And I think, who taught you the family traditions? Who taught you your values? And a lot of times that's grandparents. So for me, mentorship and my idea of talking about mentorship started because I'm. A psychologist and I was studying all.
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The things no one wants to experience. In age, like frailty, depression, dementia. And I went to a dinner party and I was so excited to tell everybody about what I was working on. And thought everybody would think of me. As so amazing for all the work I had been doing. And someone asked me, why, you know, why are you studying aging? What do we have to look forward to?
00:06:46.699 --> 00:07:03.129
And I was like, well, you know, we can lessen depression and, you know, we can mitigate this and lower that. All these things that no one wanted. And so the person said, so you put a band aid on all the. Terrible things that we don't want to experience.
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And I had to. I left there, and I thought, oh, my gosh. Wow.
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It was like an epiphany for me. And an aha moment that made me.
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Decide, I need to find out what. We look forward to as we get older. And I went back to theory and research and literature, and I found out that we often look at only the physical components of our lives. And when we think of age, we think of the physical components, and we. Forget that the emotional components are there. And those, while our physical abilities may decline, our emotional never declines, and it only goes up. You can expect to be happier as you get older, and all of these things that make us really prime and ready to give back. And in our mid life, we hit a moment that we're built to want. To give back to others the same. Way we're built to learn to walk and talk. And those three ways we're built to. Want to give back are through volunteering, mentoring, and philanthropy. And the reason we're so primed to do that is because you go through. Your life and you get a whole bunch of expertise. You learn all sorts. You have values. By the time you hit midlife, you have a thought on life, and then you say to yourself, now what? I've accumulated all this now, what did I matter in the world? Do I have any meaning? Does my footprint mean anything? And so we want to give it. Back or give it to someone else. Pass it on so that we have. A developmental reason for being here. And that's what got me into mentoring, because I realized that everywhere I had gotten was because somebody had sort of. Passed a torch to me.
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Even every year, I learned more things that I was mentored on.
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Pulled out our Thanksgiving recipes, and it. Was handwritten by my grandmother. And I make it every year, and my mother made it before that. My grandmother made it before that. And I don't know who started it. I only know that I have it handwritten from her.
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Yeah. So this led to starting the mentor project, which is an organization where top.
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1% of leaders in their fields give. Back through mentorship for free to students around the world. And we've impacted more than 100,000 around. The world in five countries.
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And the mentors had a hard time. Finding mentees, which was another strange thing that I didn't know about, that mentors. Would have a hard time finding mentees, but they do. People who are getting ready to retire or who are experts in their fields generally don't have a lot of kids around them. Their kids may be grown or they just aren't in a place where they're around kids or young people to impart their wisdom. So it's thrilling to me to be able to hear you talking about grandparenting, because you are really the first line.
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Of individuals who have access to kids. And can impart the values, the wisdom. And the expertise that you hold that. Will carry them into their lives and keep that wheel turning. They won't have to reinvent the wheel. They will never have to have a stop in what they're doing and take. A few steps back. It'll just be a continuous flow forward. And to me, that is what mentoring is all about. I had an interesting conversation at dinner. With another grandparent, again, who raised her grandchildren, and her great grandchild was at. The dinner table, and her great grandchild has been struggling. And one of the conversations I've had with the grandchildren that have been raised by their grandparents is that oftentimes a. Grandchild believes their grandparent must love them. And accept them no matter what. And in many interviews that I've had. With grandparents, I've reached out and said, would you please share this with your grandchild as a message from me, not as someone that has to love them. That has to give them mentorship, but because I want to share my wisdom with them. And that's an interesting triad that I've. Seen happen in the work that I'm doing now. It's interesting that you say that, you know, my mother in law lived with us for ten years, so we had a three generation household, and my kids always found my mother in law to be sort of the benign one, the one that they could turn to at any moment. You know, they could get in trouble by us. And she somehow had something caring and wonderful for them that sort of may have eased whatever it was that was going on and always had a sort. Of an ear for them, for whatever. It was that they were. You know, as five, 6710 years old. She was always that person who came and softened everything and was literally always there for that. And I think that we don't understand how important that is because, yeah, you know, you have to have boundaries and structure and whatever, but, boy, does it make a difference when you know that no matter how crummy you feel, if you get in trouble, there's somebody that still thinks you're the most amazing person. In the world, and you can go. To them, and that is not undermining anything that's happening. That's really a way of the person saying, you're unconditionally loved, and that is what you were just talking about.
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So clear with grandparents. I worked in a girl's treatment program. As a fundraiser, oh, ten or more years ago. And when I'd speak to the girls there, I felt like because of my background and experience, that being a mentor, when we can speak from experience, makes. This a credible messenger to those children. And with my grandchildren, my hope is. That in our area that I can. Look forward to creating a mentorship program for them so that they can meet adults that have successful lives after they've. Gone through and experienced some of the trauma that my grandkids experienced. Because I can tell them everything. It doesn't mean as much as it does coming from someone else.
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Well, all of our mentors are helping students outside of their own families, so I help students outside of my own. Family all the time. You know, really, my kids don't want. To turn to me. They, you know, I can say, hey. I have a ton of mentors that. I can connect you with, but it's part of me. They're trying to become independent. That's developmentally, what kids are supposed to.
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Do is seek independence. So they don't want to turn to. Me for mentorship or even in some. Cases, some of the mentors, because it's. Part of me, they want to say, I can do this on my own.
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But we still have gotten them connected with some mentors. But that's a known thing that kids are appropriately doing, is trying to get independent.
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All of the mentors are seeing mentees. Outside of their own home. In the case of me, I meet with someone in Kenya pretty much every week. She's going to be starting a mentoring program in Kenya now because she has enjoyed this experience. I know that there are two researchers, Jennifer Wisdom and Cynthia Morrow, and they worked with two students teaching them how to do research over the course of more than a year. One was in, or she is in. Mexico City and the other one is in Virginia. And those two mentors live in different parts of the country. And so they met with them and the students were able to go on and do things like become authors on peer review, submitted journals, and get their work out into the world, which is highly unusual for high school students to be able to do that level of work. So everyone really isn't looking at someone as saying, hey, I want to only.
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Elevate my own children. When we're mentoring, we're looking to get ourselves, our information out into the world. That connection is so important to us, and we know that our own children. Are also going to get it, but they'll also see that as we elevate. Others, that that's something that we want to be doing. They're seeing us modeling, elevating others, and not being afraid to do that. It doesn't, if I elevate somebody else, it doesn't mean I reduce myself. And I think that's an important thing that my kids and other people's kids are seeing, is that we all win.
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I think that is too. I forget how important it is for. My grandchildren to see the work that. I'm doing here on the podcast and. Elevating other grandparents that are in the same situation. I think it's important for children to understand giving back to others.
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It's an important characteristic to build in a child.
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It's also connection. I always say giving back because I feel like that's what the connection base is. But connection itself is huge. And what students and grandchildren are learning. Is that connections matter. That if you're a well connected person and not in terms of getting a better job, that could be connected in the sense that, you know, you have someone in a time of need, that that's priceless that you have, you know, when times are tough, that's when you learn who's there for you and who your true friends and family are. And those connections are what they're sort. Of implicitly learning are the key for everything. You know, if you're connected with somebody, they're going to want to help you. They're going to want to mentor and share with you. But it's the connection itself that is. Really the core of everything. I think the power of mentorship for grandparents raising grandchildren could be a terrific asset. Can you speak to us about how. We can connect with mentors or create mentorship programs in our own area or connect with you as an organization?
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Sure. You know, yes. Connect with as many as you can.
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I always say you can never have too many mentors.
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It's like saying you really can't have too much love. You can't have too much care. So you can, of course, reach out to us, mentorproject.org. if you have grandchildren who are looking for mentors, it's free. You just click the become a mentee button, fill out the form. Of course, the Guardians will need to also sign, and then they can be. Matched up with a mentor. And so that's one. The other thing is, yes, start a mentorship program.
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Get people who are in your own. Community together to you can start an. Informal group where you start to say. Hey, I'd love to be able to. Put something together where we can bring the expertise of everyone who we have here. It could be mentoring athletics, it could. Be mentoring anything at all.
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And you bring that together. Start small. You know, our organization started with ten people, and we're now, you know, had more than 100 mentors come through our doors. So start small and it'll grow and then reach out. The thing I've been doing is reaching. Out to partner with as many like minded organizations because I believe that, you. Know, if you're truly looking to mentor. And connect with others, there's power in being able to partner with everyone so no one is missed, so that no mentor is left standing alone and no mentee is left without a mentor. It only helps us all, especially if we're all nonprofits. How do we reach out safely and. Connect with the right types of organizations?
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What types of organizations would you reach out to in our particular situation? I would reach out to places that. You already know, have good vetting processes. So, for example, our organization, we do background checks on our mentors.
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We have a pretty big onboarding system of paperwork that people have to fill out. And our mentees can't just, like, get connected with somebody. They have to also have their guardians sign stuff. And part of the vetting is that. They have to do the paperwork. We know that they're not that serious. If they don't do that. So first of all, safety. So a university usually has safety measures in place. Foster agencies often have safety measures in place looking for places that are already going to have that in place because it's the ones that don't that you really want to be wary of.
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So I don't connect us with groups that really have flimsy onboarding where they just allow people to connect with personal information. If somebody is giving out their phone number to people and there's no way of anybody checking on anything, that's a. Red flag to me. I look for, you know, real security. Can you share some success stories with us, some examples that might inspire grandparents to connect with mentors.
00:21:06.579 --> 00:21:32.483
In terms of mentoring? First of all, you can check out. The mentorship edge, where I give a lot of examples of lateral mentoring, something. That most people don't think about. Lateral mentoring is where you're taking an. Expertise that you have and, like, you have an art expertise. I do not. So if I were to say to. You, hey, Laura, can you help me out? I'm trying to get something going with.
00:21:32.531 --> 00:22:26.900
Art, I need your expertise. Can you explain to me how this works? Can you run it through me? I'm not having you do it. I'm having you mentor me to get. To where I need to go with something to add to that component. Right. That is the most frequently used and it's the most frequently not understood that we use that. So if you look to your left. Or you look to your right, you. Have a mentor there that's a capable mentor. So if you're starting with grandparents, the first free area you can look at is who's in my neighborhood? Somebody's an expert in something and it's likely that they're going to be able to add to the collective value. So if you already know people and you say, you know what? I know Jim and I know sue, they're all people that I trust and I know, start with them and get that going. In terms of the mentor project, that. Happens all the time. We have for our mentors a Friday. It's called Fridays with Fred.
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And Fred, one of our mentors, he started a networking organization called Gotham Networking, and he is an expert in that. So he runs our Fridays with Fred. And what we found is that lateral. Mentoring took off like wildfire. And so mentors have started their own nonprofits together. Mentors, because people you would never put together, like a labor law attorney and a film producer, came together and they created a nonprofit. And it's just. And they brought along all of their. Friends and all of their colleagues to help out.
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So that's one example in terms of our mentees. We've had mentees who've come through and have patented more than 20 times. We've had mentees who've started companies. We have mentees who have done research. We've had mentees who've gone on to college. We have mentees who've decided they want to start their own mentoring programs. All of those are just examples of. Somebody taking what they organically want to.
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Do and what somebody organically has information. To pass on to somebody to say. Oh, you have a dream of patenting, well, let me help you. And they can do that for free. Whereas most of the time, that's something that a person says, I'm not even going to try that because it'll be too expensive. I don't know how to do it. All of these different things. So if you're starting a mentoring organization in your community, I would start with lateral mentoring everyone you know, because everyone's going to have a different. Even if you live in the same. Household, you're going to have a different area of expertise and identifying what you think those areas are. It could be values, it could be that. It is on traditions.
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It could be, you know, every holiday. You have some kind of a mentoring. Thing where you're bringing out traditions. Especially, you know, if it's grandparents raising. Grandchildren, you want to have them feel. Like there's a sense of tradition. The values in tradition are emotional mentoring that most people leave out. They think there has to be some kind of concrete. Let me get them to the next. Level in their schooling or in their, in a way to lead them to a job. But if you have solid emotional foundation. With traditions and things that make you feel really safe and comfortable and really, you know, like you can value yourself, that's key. So I am positive that in your. Community you're going to find people that. Can mentor in those areas and then you branch out.
00:25:04.125 --> 00:25:07.089
You grow to the next level. The next level. The next level.
00:25:07.710 --> 00:25:26.220
I could see that being a wonderful opportunity for anyone that's retired. Yeah, oftentimes grandparents raising grandchildren are super. Busy, but this would be really appealing, I think, to anyone in the community that's retired.
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I found that, I thought that would be the case, that it would just be retired people. And then we started getting people in their thirties and forties who said, I want to mentor. They were ready. They were ready earlier than some are. It's a midlife milestone. And just like walking, there are some babies that walk really early or talk really early. There are people who want to start mentoring really early.
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So you could just start with whoever. You think has the bandwidth to do it. But when you think about mentoring, you. Don'T have to put in as much time as you think. It's not a labor intensive thing to mentor.
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You know, we really would have thought otherwise.
00:26:05.153 --> 00:26:12.778
No, most people think that you have. To like, put in effort and plan and there has to. No, it's like having a friend, you.
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Know, how hard is it to have a conversation with a friend? Do you feel worn out afterwards? No. And you usually feel comforted and you feel good and you feel enlivened. That's what mentoring feels like when it's really true mentoring.
00:26:26.930 --> 00:26:38.160
So in terms of grandparenting, you know, at the mentor project, we really only ask mentors to put in 2 hours a month, and that's not a lot.
00:26:38.539 --> 00:26:41.844
And really, if you're getting a mentoring.
00:26:41.971 --> 00:27:39.809
Program going, a mentor doesn't meet with. Somebody 24/7 you know, they're just helping them along with something that they may be looking for guidance on. They may not even know they want guidance in it. So if you're doing, like, traditions that's. Around the holidays, and who doesn't like. You know, passing on the traditions for their holidays or whatever else? And we have thanksgiving coming up, it's a perfect time to get some mentoring on. Here's where we did this. So there's why we do this. And we eat turkey in our family. We don't eat turkey in our family. And here's what, let's start a tradition. This year, some families will say, oh, I want to do something right. Everyone holds hands and they say something they're grateful for. Another family might say, oh, we have. A decorating thing that brings us all. Together, but that's mentoring. People think of it as an activity, but it's a mentoring activity, and that doesn't wear people out.
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Early on in our experience as grandparents raising these grandchildren, I felt that there was so much responsibility on us at. Our age that it would be wonderful. To develop some type of a program. Where these children got to be around younger people, younger parents even, who might have children of their own, so that they could develop connections with other families that were doing things in healthy ways that maybe we aren't thinking about at. Our age at this time because our. Life is the retired life. Then I could see how a mentoring program.
00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:54.385
Could be a way of doing this, giving this experience to our grandkids. I think adding more to anything is good, but I also caution, you know, I was raised by teen parents, and it's kind of the opposite end of the spectrum, right? Like they were winging it by the. Seats of their pants. And if you think that another is. Better because they're younger or because they're.
00:28:54.417 --> 00:29:12.710
Older or they're more established, every family could say, mine isn't good enough. And I would only caution against saying, hey, I want to show them what it's like to have younger parents because. If you have that because, because it's better. Because something else, you're undermining what you're doing.
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And so I say, embrace where you are.
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There's no wrong in parenting. There's only right. Because if you look at families all around, there's every kind you can ever imagine, and a kid is going to. Be primed to compare themselves with others.
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And if they say that one's better because they're younger parents, you don't want them feeling like they have no control over that. So I didn't have control over having teen parents. It was what it was. I feel fine with that now. I am an older parent. My kids are raised by older parents. So I think that if you go. About it and you are able to say, hey, I'm giving everything I've got, like parents do, I do the best. I can, and all we have to. Be is good enough. If you look at psychology, there's just a threshold. You just have to be good enough.
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And that's all you really have to show, is that, hey, we're all looking to be good enough, and the kids will be fine.
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In our situations, we don't have the. Same type of network that we did when we were younger parents, which was.
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Nice, you know, the kids went over to other kids homes, and children became friends with other families, whereas we're somewhat. Isolated in our situation. I could see the mentorship program providing. Us with a network, another type of community to support this community of ours 100%. You're really building a social support network when you do that. And it's unbelievably important to be able to have that. You know, people have to do that at any age, though. Also, you know, when my kids were younger, they played sports, those sports families became, you know, part of our network.
00:31:06.289 --> 00:31:24.122
We also said, hey, every Friday night. We'Re gonna do a dinner and we're gonna invite four other families, and the kids will all run around, and the families will all run. My kids loved that. It's a tradition that we started that, you know, the other families did, and it really was great.
00:31:24.306 --> 00:31:52.950
So you can do informal things, and it won't matter about the age of the other people. It's more that the kids see that. Connections are important in every way possible. So even if you have a. If you're in a rural community or you are in an area that doesn't have a lot of, you know, kids the same age, you can make a monthly gathering. You can make a weekly gathering so that they feel like, this is my.
00:31:53.250 --> 00:32:11.670
Tradition, this is what I do, and. That is mentoring, being able to do that, because you are mentoring connections and how you build them, you build them out of nothing. That isolation isn't going to build connections, that you have to work at things. That's powerful mentoring, powerful emotional mentoring.
00:32:13.049 --> 00:32:35.599
I like that idea. And it doesn't take a huge commitment. Just to gather with another group of people and have dinner together. Right now, I am peer to peer coordinator for a seven city area in our county for kinship caregivers. It's difficult for those people to leave their situations.
00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:39.200
So I'm always working on ideas for.
00:32:40.779 --> 00:33:53.750
How to make it not seem like another commitment, but more of an opportunity with some relief from the isolation, you know? Yeah, that's, you know, some. Just some basic ideas that work for any age and kind of any situation is that if you're going to get together for dinner or, you know, it's potluck, everybody has to bring something. If it's game night, everybody brings a game, or there's something there that the person hosting doesn't have to do anything. Everybody cleans up, everyone sets up, so that if a person can't leave, people come to them. And maybe it's once a month, maybe they can't go to any of them until it's their turn again, but they know it's coming. And that's where you can sort of bring the community together to figure out how to make it work for people in different situations. You know, if you're in a small apartment, maybe you can't host, but you can go to everybody else's. If you're taking care of somebody who. Is ill, who can't leave the house. People come to you and they help you. They bring the food, they help clean. Up people like doing that.
00:33:55.089 --> 00:34:28.619
Can you talk a little bit more. About some of the creative ideas that you've used in mentoring programs to connect with the mentees? And. Every age range is different in. How we've had success. So one of the first areas that. We had success was with Marilyn Price. It was the beginning of the pandemic. And so it was like, March 2020. And Marilyn said, I'm a puppeteer. Haven't done it in a while. I'd like to come on Zoom and come into the living rooms of all the kids who are at home.
00:34:28.980 --> 00:34:36.507
And so she showed them how to. Make puppets out of, like, garbage in their house. You know, like, here's the used paper plate.
00:34:36.643 --> 00:34:51.684
Here's like, a toilet plunger. Here's this. And she had them make puppets, and then she streamed it, but then she. Left it as videos, and she did. Each one off of a popular book, so, you know, like the little red hen or whatever.
00:34:51.851 --> 00:34:58.639
And so that one was the first time that we realized that we could reach people anywhere.
00:34:59.099 --> 00:38:26.253
And so that was little kids. Then we moved to having international hackathons where kids were able to come together during the pandemic from Argentina and the US. And then we had kids from Siberia and Russia. And I think there was another country, and I can't remember where, but we had kids from all over who were meeting up and solving problems and hacking problems together on the Internet and meeting kids who spoke different languages, and they had to work together anyway. And we realized we could put any sort of barrier up, and they were able to break it down in terms of making it work. So that was another one. And then some of the more fun ones that we didn't know would work are doing panels where we bring mentors who are completely diverse in their, you know, abilities and their expertise and bringing. Them to talk to students. And we found that students who wouldn't have normally been matched with somebody were matching up because they just felt a connection with somebody and wanted to talk more. And that was a big surprise to us also. Those are all great, and I can. See that being a solution for many grandparents. For many grandparents, finances are a big issue because raising kids at our age. Was not something we planned for financially. So people may be already limited by retirement, fixed income, and doing a mentorship online like that could be an excellent. Way for them to get a half. Hour break with the kids on a weekend and get the kids involved in something that's intellectual or something more interesting than just being on a tablet where they're watching but they're actually interacting. Yeah. I would suggest that this child would be interested, that it wouldn't just be saying, here, go talk to this person. This is free. But I would say get together a group and have the kids even come together if possible. And there's a panel, even if it's. Online, and the kids get to talk. To people online so that they're either all in their different places, right, and they connect online and there's a group of people talking to them, or they are all in one room and they get to talk with somebody or talk with a group that's online, you know, sit through a panel or whatever. It depends on the age of the kids. But that's another opportunity. If you were to make it and, you know, this is free, obviously, but if you were to make this like we did when I had my kids and we put them in sports every Saturday, my kids knew, okay, we're going to play baseball, we're going to go. Do this, or we're going to go do karate. When they were littler and these are the kinds of things that they would look forward to. So if they're able to do that and get mentorship and that's free, it might be an opportunity for the grandparents to sit and relax with each other. Over a cup of coffee while the. Kids are all interacting, you know, over the zoom having a mentorship session where. The goal is really for the kids.
00:38:26.302 --> 00:38:37.155
To say, oh, I didn't even know that existed. Oh, that's a possibility, and I'll give an example of that. Irene Yakbas, who worked for NASA, she was one of the leads on the.
00:38:37.277 --> 00:38:43.887
Mission to Mercury for the tech. She didn't know she wanted to do that. She was going to be a math major.
00:38:43.983 --> 00:38:59.047
And then somebody came and spoke at her school and she said, you can do that. I could work in NASA. So she switched and became an engineering major, and her whole career was changed based on a person speaking to her.
00:38:59.224 --> 00:39:39.659
And so that is really one of the coolest things that we can offer to young people is to say, yeah. You can do this. You may have never even heard that word. You may have never even known that that existed. But that's really what one of the things that we pride ourselves in is being able to expose people to new. Ideas and ways of thinking. Person might not think they could do stem, and then off they go into StEm. They might not think they can do anything in writing or research, and off they go. So it's just a new way or perspective that you're giving the grandkids, especially. With children that have limiting self beliefs.
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:42.019
Yeah, absolutely. Who've been through trauma.
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:47.264
Opening them to new opportunities and seeing that those exist.
00:39:47.351 --> 00:39:58.311
Is, I think, every opportunity to do that is really great for these kids. This has been a fascinating discussion, and I'm really excited to present this to other grandparents.
00:39:58.416 --> 00:40:05.550
I'm looking forward to connecting with you. More about building a mentorship program program in our area.
00:40:07.170 --> 00:40:13.949
Again, the mentorship program that you offer is available on your website.
00:40:14.650 --> 00:41:22.690
What is the name of your website? Deborah? It's called mentorproject.org dot. It quote s the mentor project is the name of the organization and the. Website is mentorproject.org dot. And that's the one you would want. To direct people to listeners to? Yeah, because they can go right there and they can click on become a mentee. You can even click on the ask a mentor button and ask a mentor a question. All of it's free. You can also look through the website. And see what's there. I'd also urge people to check out. I have a book coming out called. The mentorship Edge, and it talks about all the different ways people can mentor. One of the examples is how I. Was mentored by my grandfather. It has another example of a grandparent in it, but it has so many different examples that you're going to be able to find ways that you can mentor that won't feel exhausting or that won't feel mentorship should feel as easy as, you know, putting on your shirt. In the morning, that you don't even. Think about it, you just do it. Yeah.
00:41:23.590 --> 00:41:27.382
And when is that book available? It's available for pre order now.
00:41:27.445 --> 00:41:41.409
It comes out November 13 on Amazon. Anywhere you want to get a book, target Amazon, Barnes and Noble, everywhere. Okay, great. Well, thanks, Deborah. Thanks for your time. Very interesting conversation.
00:41:41.829 --> 00:41:47.929
Absolutely. And thank you for having me. The great work you're doing as a grandparent.
00:41:49.420 --> 00:41:52.360
I shall. Okay, take care.
00:41:53.539 --> 00:42:33.190
Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren. Nurturing through adversity I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Get ready for an extraordinary conversation that transcends the typical narrative of recovery and transformation.
00:42:33.690 --> 00:42:50.920
In our upcoming episode, we'll sit down with a charismatic colleague and Dean Suncerie, a couple whose remarkable journey began in the most unexpected circumstances, one on the streets battling addiction, the other emerging from the priesthood.
00:42:51.579 --> 00:43:09.920
Together, they've crafted a powerful roadmap for healing that shatters the stereotypes we may hold about recovery and spiritual growth. How did their profound differences become a source of strength? What pivotal moments ignited their desire for emotional healing and spiritual?
00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:43.980
Holly, Kim, and Dean not only share their personal stories of struggle, resilience, and faith, but they also offer insights from their groundbreaking new book, a roadmap to the Soul. This enlightening guide lays out some surprisingly simple steps for those seeking to heal emotional wounds and expand their spiritual lives. So join us next week as we uncover how anyone, regardless of their past, can embark on a transformative journey to rediscover purpose and connection.
00:43:44.440 --> 00:44:15.880
You won't want to miss the wisdom and inspiration Holly, Kim, and Dean bring to the table. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you, and I pray. That you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
00:00:01.040 --> 00:00:22.769
Join us for an illuminating conversation with Doctor Deborah Heiser, the visionary founder and CEO of the Mentor Project. In this transformative episode, we'll explore how the act of mentoring is not just a gift to the next generation, but a powerful tool for personal and societal change.
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Doctor Heiser will share her insights on the profound impact of mentorship, especially as we age, revealing that our golden years can be the most dynamic, knowledgeable phase of our lives.
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Discover how passing the torch of knowledge, culture, and values can inspire both mentors and mentees alike. From the profound lessons learned by grandparents raising grandchildren to the exciting opportunities for growth and mentorship relationships, this episode will empower you to rethink aging and embrace the remarkable role you can play in shaping the future. Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child. Rearing for children who have experienced experience.
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Trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
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As a grandparent, I'm always so focused on the problems, and I often underestimate the profound impact that I can have on my grandchildren's lives.
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It's easy to overlook how even the simplest interactions can shape their views and values in ways we may never fully recognize. Did you ever think that a casual conversation during a walk in the park, or teaching a child how to cook a cherished family recipe, or even chatting with a retired neighbor about their career as a mechanic or a coach or even an actress could influence the trajectory. Of a child's life? It's these moments that hold the potential to create lasting memories and impart invaluable wisdom. In our so called golden years, we have a treasure trove of experiences and stories that can serve as powerful mentorship tools. The opportunities for mentorship exist all around us, in our neighborhoods, local communities, and within our own families. By embracing these opportunities, we can leave a legacy far greater than we might have imagined. This and much more in my enlightening conversation with Doctor Deborah Heiser, the founder and CEO of the Mentor project, we'll explore how mentoring can redefine aging, the invaluable lessons we can impart to a new generation, and the beautiful connections that arise when we pass on our knowledge and insights. Join us as we rethink aging and discover the powerful role that grandparents can play in mentoring the future.
00:04:28.980 --> 00:05:11.050
I was introduced to Deborah, who is an applied developmental psychologist with a specialty in midlife and aging. She's the founder, CEO of the Mentor Project, and author of the mentorship Edge. She's been a TEDx speaker and a professor, and she's been quoted in the New York Times, Seattle Times, Dallas Times, and contributes to thrive global. Her research covers a wide range of topics related to aging, including depression, identification, dementia, and frailty, and she's gotten grants from NIA, NIH, and Pfizer.
00:05:11.430 --> 00:05:30.149
She received an international award for her research on depression identification, as well as has served nine years on the board of the State Society on Aging of New York, of which she was also president in 2008. She's also served as president of the Queen's Psychological association in New York.
00:05:30.269 --> 00:05:41.552
So with these accolades and her experience, I couldn't wait to hear her perspectives on aging as well as her passion for mentoring. Well, thanks for having me on.
00:05:41.656 --> 00:06:20.692
I'm really excited when I found out what you were doing. I got really excited because mentoring for. Me started with my grandparents. It's something that starts with a lot of people's grandparents. Most people don't think of that. They think of a mentor as a professional. And people will say to me, hey, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not a doctor. I can't mentor someone. And I think, who taught you the family traditions? Who taught you your values? And a lot of times that's grandparents. So for me, mentorship and my idea of talking about mentorship started because I'm. A psychologist and I was studying all.
00:06:20.716 --> 00:06:46.120
The things no one wants to experience. In age, like frailty, depression, dementia. And I went to a dinner party and I was so excited to tell everybody about what I was working on. And thought everybody would think of me. As so amazing for all the work I had been doing. And someone asked me, why, you know, why are you studying aging? What do we have to look forward to?
00:06:46.699 --> 00:07:03.129
And I was like, well, you know, we can lessen depression and, you know, we can mitigate this and lower that. All these things that no one wanted. And so the person said, so you put a band aid on all the. Terrible things that we don't want to experience.
00:07:03.870 --> 00:07:07.653
And I had to. I left there, and I thought, oh, my gosh. Wow.
00:07:07.701 --> 00:07:11.365
It was like an epiphany for me. And an aha moment that made me.
00:07:11.398 --> 00:08:46.909
Decide, I need to find out what. We look forward to as we get older. And I went back to theory and research and literature, and I found out that we often look at only the physical components of our lives. And when we think of age, we think of the physical components, and we. Forget that the emotional components are there. And those, while our physical abilities may decline, our emotional never declines, and it only goes up. You can expect to be happier as you get older, and all of these things that make us really prime and ready to give back. And in our mid life, we hit a moment that we're built to want. To give back to others the same. Way we're built to learn to walk and talk. And those three ways we're built to. Want to give back are through volunteering, mentoring, and philanthropy. And the reason we're so primed to do that is because you go through. Your life and you get a whole bunch of expertise. You learn all sorts. You have values. By the time you hit midlife, you have a thought on life, and then you say to yourself, now what? I've accumulated all this now, what did I matter in the world? Do I have any meaning? Does my footprint mean anything? And so we want to give it. Back or give it to someone else. Pass it on so that we have. A developmental reason for being here. And that's what got me into mentoring, because I realized that everywhere I had gotten was because somebody had sort of. Passed a torch to me.
00:08:48.330 --> 00:08:51.840
Even every year, I learned more things that I was mentored on.
00:08:51.970 --> 00:09:06.200
Pulled out our Thanksgiving recipes, and it. Was handwritten by my grandmother. And I make it every year, and my mother made it before that. My grandmother made it before that. And I don't know who started it. I only know that I have it handwritten from her.
00:09:06.740 --> 00:09:14.203
Yeah. So this led to starting the mentor project, which is an organization where top.
00:09:14.251 --> 00:09:25.485
1% of leaders in their fields give. Back through mentorship for free to students around the world. And we've impacted more than 100,000 around. The world in five countries.
00:09:25.638 --> 00:10:02.748
And the mentors had a hard time. Finding mentees, which was another strange thing that I didn't know about, that mentors. Would have a hard time finding mentees, but they do. People who are getting ready to retire or who are experts in their fields generally don't have a lot of kids around them. Their kids may be grown or they just aren't in a place where they're around kids or young people to impart their wisdom. So it's thrilling to me to be able to hear you talking about grandparenting, because you are really the first line.
00:10:02.884 --> 00:12:49.168
Of individuals who have access to kids. And can impart the values, the wisdom. And the expertise that you hold that. Will carry them into their lives and keep that wheel turning. They won't have to reinvent the wheel. They will never have to have a stop in what they're doing and take. A few steps back. It'll just be a continuous flow forward. And to me, that is what mentoring is all about. I had an interesting conversation at dinner. With another grandparent, again, who raised her grandchildren, and her great grandchild was at. The dinner table, and her great grandchild has been struggling. And one of the conversations I've had with the grandchildren that have been raised by their grandparents is that oftentimes a. Grandchild believes their grandparent must love them. And accept them no matter what. And in many interviews that I've had. With grandparents, I've reached out and said, would you please share this with your grandchild as a message from me, not as someone that has to love them. That has to give them mentorship, but because I want to share my wisdom with them. And that's an interesting triad that I've. Seen happen in the work that I'm doing now. It's interesting that you say that, you know, my mother in law lived with us for ten years, so we had a three generation household, and my kids always found my mother in law to be sort of the benign one, the one that they could turn to at any moment. You know, they could get in trouble by us. And she somehow had something caring and wonderful for them that sort of may have eased whatever it was that was going on and always had a sort. Of an ear for them, for whatever. It was that they were. You know, as five, 6710 years old. She was always that person who came and softened everything and was literally always there for that. And I think that we don't understand how important that is because, yeah, you know, you have to have boundaries and structure and whatever, but, boy, does it make a difference when you know that no matter how crummy you feel, if you get in trouble, there's somebody that still thinks you're the most amazing person. In the world, and you can go. To them, and that is not undermining anything that's happening. That's really a way of the person saying, you're unconditionally loved, and that is what you were just talking about.
00:12:49.303 --> 00:13:44.389
So clear with grandparents. I worked in a girl's treatment program. As a fundraiser, oh, ten or more years ago. And when I'd speak to the girls there, I felt like because of my background and experience, that being a mentor, when we can speak from experience, makes. This a credible messenger to those children. And with my grandchildren, my hope is. That in our area that I can. Look forward to creating a mentorship program for them so that they can meet adults that have successful lives after they've. Gone through and experienced some of the trauma that my grandkids experienced. Because I can tell them everything. It doesn't mean as much as it does coming from someone else.
00:13:47.799 --> 00:14:13.221
Well, all of our mentors are helping students outside of their own families, so I help students outside of my own. Family all the time. You know, really, my kids don't want. To turn to me. They, you know, I can say, hey. I have a ton of mentors that. I can connect you with, but it's part of me. They're trying to become independent. That's developmentally, what kids are supposed to.
00:14:13.245 --> 00:14:25.649
Do is seek independence. So they don't want to turn to. Me for mentorship or even in some. Cases, some of the mentors, because it's. Part of me, they want to say, I can do this on my own.
00:14:27.549 --> 00:14:37.690
But we still have gotten them connected with some mentors. But that's a known thing that kids are appropriately doing, is trying to get independent.
00:14:38.570 --> 00:15:36.830
All of the mentors are seeing mentees. Outside of their own home. In the case of me, I meet with someone in Kenya pretty much every week. She's going to be starting a mentoring program in Kenya now because she has enjoyed this experience. I know that there are two researchers, Jennifer Wisdom and Cynthia Morrow, and they worked with two students teaching them how to do research over the course of more than a year. One was in, or she is in. Mexico City and the other one is in Virginia. And those two mentors live in different parts of the country. And so they met with them and the students were able to go on and do things like become authors on peer review, submitted journals, and get their work out into the world, which is highly unusual for high school students to be able to do that level of work. So everyone really isn't looking at someone as saying, hey, I want to only.
00:15:36.909 --> 00:16:15.960
Elevate my own children. When we're mentoring, we're looking to get ourselves, our information out into the world. That connection is so important to us, and we know that our own children. Are also going to get it, but they'll also see that as we elevate. Others, that that's something that we want to be doing. They're seeing us modeling, elevating others, and not being afraid to do that. It doesn't, if I elevate somebody else, it doesn't mean I reduce myself. And I think that's an important thing that my kids and other people's kids are seeing, is that we all win.
00:16:16.460 --> 00:16:35.940
I think that is too. I forget how important it is for. My grandchildren to see the work that. I'm doing here on the podcast and. Elevating other grandparents that are in the same situation. I think it's important for children to understand giving back to others.
00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:38.980
It's an important characteristic to build in a child.
00:16:39.759 --> 00:17:52.619
It's also connection. I always say giving back because I feel like that's what the connection base is. But connection itself is huge. And what students and grandchildren are learning. Is that connections matter. That if you're a well connected person and not in terms of getting a better job, that could be connected in the sense that, you know, you have someone in a time of need, that that's priceless that you have, you know, when times are tough, that's when you learn who's there for you and who your true friends and family are. And those connections are what they're sort. Of implicitly learning are the key for everything. You know, if you're connected with somebody, they're going to want to help you. They're going to want to mentor and share with you. But it's the connection itself that is. Really the core of everything. I think the power of mentorship for grandparents raising grandchildren could be a terrific asset. Can you speak to us about how. We can connect with mentors or create mentorship programs in our own area or connect with you as an organization?
00:17:53.200 --> 00:17:56.880
Sure. You know, yes. Connect with as many as you can.
00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:00.872
I always say you can never have too many mentors.
00:18:01.056 --> 00:18:30.430
It's like saying you really can't have too much love. You can't have too much care. So you can, of course, reach out to us, mentorproject.org. if you have grandchildren who are looking for mentors, it's free. You just click the become a mentee button, fill out the form. Of course, the Guardians will need to also sign, and then they can be. Matched up with a mentor. And so that's one. The other thing is, yes, start a mentorship program.
00:18:31.089 --> 00:18:49.836
Get people who are in your own. Community together to you can start an. Informal group where you start to say. Hey, I'd love to be able to. Put something together where we can bring the expertise of everyone who we have here. It could be mentoring athletics, it could. Be mentoring anything at all.
00:18:50.028 --> 00:19:40.730
And you bring that together. Start small. You know, our organization started with ten people, and we're now, you know, had more than 100 mentors come through our doors. So start small and it'll grow and then reach out. The thing I've been doing is reaching. Out to partner with as many like minded organizations because I believe that, you. Know, if you're truly looking to mentor. And connect with others, there's power in being able to partner with everyone so no one is missed, so that no mentor is left standing alone and no mentee is left without a mentor. It only helps us all, especially if we're all nonprofits. How do we reach out safely and. Connect with the right types of organizations?
00:19:40.769 --> 00:19:55.700
What types of organizations would you reach out to in our particular situation? I would reach out to places that. You already know, have good vetting processes. So, for example, our organization, we do background checks on our mentors.
00:19:56.119 --> 00:20:35.279
We have a pretty big onboarding system of paperwork that people have to fill out. And our mentees can't just, like, get connected with somebody. They have to also have their guardians sign stuff. And part of the vetting is that. They have to do the paperwork. We know that they're not that serious. If they don't do that. So first of all, safety. So a university usually has safety measures in place. Foster agencies often have safety measures in place looking for places that are already going to have that in place because it's the ones that don't that you really want to be wary of.
00:20:35.359 --> 00:21:04.390
So I don't connect us with groups that really have flimsy onboarding where they just allow people to connect with personal information. If somebody is giving out their phone number to people and there's no way of anybody checking on anything, that's a. Red flag to me. I look for, you know, real security. Can you share some success stories with us, some examples that might inspire grandparents to connect with mentors.
00:21:06.579 --> 00:21:32.483
In terms of mentoring? First of all, you can check out. The mentorship edge, where I give a lot of examples of lateral mentoring, something. That most people don't think about. Lateral mentoring is where you're taking an. Expertise that you have and, like, you have an art expertise. I do not. So if I were to say to. You, hey, Laura, can you help me out? I'm trying to get something going with.
00:21:32.531 --> 00:22:26.900
Art, I need your expertise. Can you explain to me how this works? Can you run it through me? I'm not having you do it. I'm having you mentor me to get. To where I need to go with something to add to that component. Right. That is the most frequently used and it's the most frequently not understood that we use that. So if you look to your left. Or you look to your right, you. Have a mentor there that's a capable mentor. So if you're starting with grandparents, the first free area you can look at is who's in my neighborhood? Somebody's an expert in something and it's likely that they're going to be able to add to the collective value. So if you already know people and you say, you know what? I know Jim and I know sue, they're all people that I trust and I know, start with them and get that going. In terms of the mentor project, that. Happens all the time. We have for our mentors a Friday. It's called Fridays with Fred.
00:22:27.200 --> 00:23:03.102
And Fred, one of our mentors, he started a networking organization called Gotham Networking, and he is an expert in that. So he runs our Fridays with Fred. And what we found is that lateral. Mentoring took off like wildfire. And so mentors have started their own nonprofits together. Mentors, because people you would never put together, like a labor law attorney and a film producer, came together and they created a nonprofit. And it's just. And they brought along all of their. Friends and all of their colleagues to help out.
00:23:03.286 --> 00:23:32.135
So that's one example in terms of our mentees. We've had mentees who've come through and have patented more than 20 times. We've had mentees who've started companies. We have mentees who have done research. We've had mentees who've gone on to college. We have mentees who've decided they want to start their own mentoring programs. All of those are just examples of. Somebody taking what they organically want to.
00:23:32.167 --> 00:24:15.346
Do and what somebody organically has information. To pass on to somebody to say. Oh, you have a dream of patenting, well, let me help you. And they can do that for free. Whereas most of the time, that's something that a person says, I'm not even going to try that because it'll be too expensive. I don't know how to do it. All of these different things. So if you're starting a mentoring organization in your community, I would start with lateral mentoring everyone you know, because everyone's going to have a different. Even if you live in the same. Household, you're going to have a different area of expertise and identifying what you think those areas are. It could be values, it could be that. It is on traditions.
00:24:15.498 --> 00:25:04.102
It could be, you know, every holiday. You have some kind of a mentoring. Thing where you're bringing out traditions. Especially, you know, if it's grandparents raising. Grandchildren, you want to have them feel. Like there's a sense of tradition. The values in tradition are emotional mentoring that most people leave out. They think there has to be some kind of concrete. Let me get them to the next. Level in their schooling or in their, in a way to lead them to a job. But if you have solid emotional foundation. With traditions and things that make you feel really safe and comfortable and really, you know, like you can value yourself, that's key. So I am positive that in your. Community you're going to find people that. Can mentor in those areas and then you branch out.
00:25:04.125 --> 00:25:07.089
You grow to the next level. The next level. The next level.
00:25:07.710 --> 00:25:26.220
I could see that being a wonderful opportunity for anyone that's retired. Yeah, oftentimes grandparents raising grandchildren are super. Busy, but this would be really appealing, I think, to anyone in the community that's retired.
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:47.470
I found that, I thought that would be the case, that it would just be retired people. And then we started getting people in their thirties and forties who said, I want to mentor. They were ready. They were ready earlier than some are. It's a midlife milestone. And just like walking, there are some babies that walk really early or talk really early. There are people who want to start mentoring really early.
00:25:47.930 --> 00:26:01.309
So you could just start with whoever. You think has the bandwidth to do it. But when you think about mentoring, you. Don'T have to put in as much time as you think. It's not a labor intensive thing to mentor.
00:26:01.730 --> 00:26:04.978
You know, we really would have thought otherwise.
00:26:05.153 --> 00:26:12.778
No, most people think that you have. To like, put in effort and plan and there has to. No, it's like having a friend, you.
00:26:12.794 --> 00:26:26.549
Know, how hard is it to have a conversation with a friend? Do you feel worn out afterwards? No. And you usually feel comforted and you feel good and you feel enlivened. That's what mentoring feels like when it's really true mentoring.
00:26:26.930 --> 00:26:38.160
So in terms of grandparenting, you know, at the mentor project, we really only ask mentors to put in 2 hours a month, and that's not a lot.
00:26:38.539 --> 00:26:41.844
And really, if you're getting a mentoring.
00:26:41.971 --> 00:27:39.809
Program going, a mentor doesn't meet with. Somebody 24/7 you know, they're just helping them along with something that they may be looking for guidance on. They may not even know they want guidance in it. So if you're doing, like, traditions that's. Around the holidays, and who doesn't like. You know, passing on the traditions for their holidays or whatever else? And we have thanksgiving coming up, it's a perfect time to get some mentoring on. Here's where we did this. So there's why we do this. And we eat turkey in our family. We don't eat turkey in our family. And here's what, let's start a tradition. This year, some families will say, oh, I want to do something right. Everyone holds hands and they say something they're grateful for. Another family might say, oh, we have. A decorating thing that brings us all. Together, but that's mentoring. People think of it as an activity, but it's a mentoring activity, and that doesn't wear people out.
00:27:40.589 --> 00:28:26.819
Early on in our experience as grandparents raising these grandchildren, I felt that there was so much responsibility on us at. Our age that it would be wonderful. To develop some type of a program. Where these children got to be around younger people, younger parents even, who might have children of their own, so that they could develop connections with other families that were doing things in healthy ways that maybe we aren't thinking about at. Our age at this time because our. Life is the retired life. Then I could see how a mentoring program.
00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:54.385
Could be a way of doing this, giving this experience to our grandkids. I think adding more to anything is good, but I also caution, you know, I was raised by teen parents, and it's kind of the opposite end of the spectrum, right? Like they were winging it by the. Seats of their pants. And if you think that another is. Better because they're younger or because they're.
00:28:54.417 --> 00:29:12.710
Older or they're more established, every family could say, mine isn't good enough. And I would only caution against saying, hey, I want to show them what it's like to have younger parents because. If you have that because, because it's better. Because something else, you're undermining what you're doing.
00:29:13.259 --> 00:29:16.759
And so I say, embrace where you are.
00:29:17.420 --> 00:29:31.403
There's no wrong in parenting. There's only right. Because if you look at families all around, there's every kind you can ever imagine, and a kid is going to. Be primed to compare themselves with others.
00:29:31.451 --> 00:30:08.329
And if they say that one's better because they're younger parents, you don't want them feeling like they have no control over that. So I didn't have control over having teen parents. It was what it was. I feel fine with that now. I am an older parent. My kids are raised by older parents. So I think that if you go. About it and you are able to say, hey, I'm giving everything I've got, like parents do, I do the best. I can, and all we have to. Be is good enough. If you look at psychology, there's just a threshold. You just have to be good enough.
00:30:08.839 --> 00:30:15.660
And that's all you really have to show, is that, hey, we're all looking to be good enough, and the kids will be fine.
00:30:16.920 --> 00:30:24.559
In our situations, we don't have the. Same type of network that we did when we were younger parents, which was.
00:30:24.599 --> 00:31:05.750
Nice, you know, the kids went over to other kids homes, and children became friends with other families, whereas we're somewhat. Isolated in our situation. I could see the mentorship program providing. Us with a network, another type of community to support this community of ours 100%. You're really building a social support network when you do that. And it's unbelievably important to be able to have that. You know, people have to do that at any age, though. Also, you know, when my kids were younger, they played sports, those sports families became, you know, part of our network.
00:31:06.289 --> 00:31:24.122
We also said, hey, every Friday night. We'Re gonna do a dinner and we're gonna invite four other families, and the kids will all run around, and the families will all run. My kids loved that. It's a tradition that we started that, you know, the other families did, and it really was great.
00:31:24.306 --> 00:31:52.950
So you can do informal things, and it won't matter about the age of the other people. It's more that the kids see that. Connections are important in every way possible. So even if you have a. If you're in a rural community or you are in an area that doesn't have a lot of, you know, kids the same age, you can make a monthly gathering. You can make a weekly gathering so that they feel like, this is my.
00:31:53.250 --> 00:32:11.670
Tradition, this is what I do, and. That is mentoring, being able to do that, because you are mentoring connections and how you build them, you build them out of nothing. That isolation isn't going to build connections, that you have to work at things. That's powerful mentoring, powerful emotional mentoring.
00:32:13.049 --> 00:32:35.599
I like that idea. And it doesn't take a huge commitment. Just to gather with another group of people and have dinner together. Right now, I am peer to peer coordinator for a seven city area in our county for kinship caregivers. It's difficult for those people to leave their situations.
00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:39.200
So I'm always working on ideas for.
00:32:40.779 --> 00:33:53.750
How to make it not seem like another commitment, but more of an opportunity with some relief from the isolation, you know? Yeah, that's, you know, some. Just some basic ideas that work for any age and kind of any situation is that if you're going to get together for dinner or, you know, it's potluck, everybody has to bring something. If it's game night, everybody brings a game, or there's something there that the person hosting doesn't have to do anything. Everybody cleans up, everyone sets up, so that if a person can't leave, people come to them. And maybe it's once a month, maybe they can't go to any of them until it's their turn again, but they know it's coming. And that's where you can sort of bring the community together to figure out how to make it work for people in different situations. You know, if you're in a small apartment, maybe you can't host, but you can go to everybody else's. If you're taking care of somebody who. Is ill, who can't leave the house. People come to you and they help you. They bring the food, they help clean. Up people like doing that.
00:33:55.089 --> 00:34:28.619
Can you talk a little bit more. About some of the creative ideas that you've used in mentoring programs to connect with the mentees? And. Every age range is different in. How we've had success. So one of the first areas that. We had success was with Marilyn Price. It was the beginning of the pandemic. And so it was like, March 2020. And Marilyn said, I'm a puppeteer. Haven't done it in a while. I'd like to come on Zoom and come into the living rooms of all the kids who are at home.
00:34:28.980 --> 00:34:36.507
And so she showed them how to. Make puppets out of, like, garbage in their house. You know, like, here's the used paper plate.
00:34:36.643 --> 00:34:51.684
Here's like, a toilet plunger. Here's this. And she had them make puppets, and then she streamed it, but then she. Left it as videos, and she did. Each one off of a popular book, so, you know, like the little red hen or whatever.
00:34:51.851 --> 00:34:58.639
And so that one was the first time that we realized that we could reach people anywhere.
00:34:59.099 --> 00:38:26.253
And so that was little kids. Then we moved to having international hackathons where kids were able to come together during the pandemic from Argentina and the US. And then we had kids from Siberia and Russia. And I think there was another country, and I can't remember where, but we had kids from all over who were meeting up and solving problems and hacking problems together on the Internet and meeting kids who spoke different languages, and they had to work together anyway. And we realized we could put any sort of barrier up, and they were able to break it down in terms of making it work. So that was another one. And then some of the more fun ones that we didn't know would work are doing panels where we bring mentors who are completely diverse in their, you know, abilities and their expertise and bringing. Them to talk to students. And we found that students who wouldn't have normally been matched with somebody were matching up because they just felt a connection with somebody and wanted to talk more. And that was a big surprise to us also. Those are all great, and I can. See that being a solution for many grandparents. For many grandparents, finances are a big issue because raising kids at our age. Was not something we planned for financially. So people may be already limited by retirement, fixed income, and doing a mentorship online like that could be an excellent. Way for them to get a half. Hour break with the kids on a weekend and get the kids involved in something that's intellectual or something more interesting than just being on a tablet where they're watching but they're actually interacting. Yeah. I would suggest that this child would be interested, that it wouldn't just be saying, here, go talk to this person. This is free. But I would say get together a group and have the kids even come together if possible. And there's a panel, even if it's. Online, and the kids get to talk. To people online so that they're either all in their different places, right, and they connect online and there's a group of people talking to them, or they are all in one room and they get to talk with somebody or talk with a group that's online, you know, sit through a panel or whatever. It depends on the age of the kids. But that's another opportunity. If you were to make it and, you know, this is free, obviously, but if you were to make this like we did when I had my kids and we put them in sports every Saturday, my kids knew, okay, we're going to play baseball, we're going to go. Do this, or we're going to go do karate. When they were littler and these are the kinds of things that they would look forward to. So if they're able to do that and get mentorship and that's free, it might be an opportunity for the grandparents to sit and relax with each other. Over a cup of coffee while the. Kids are all interacting, you know, over the zoom having a mentorship session where. The goal is really for the kids.
00:38:26.302 --> 00:38:37.155
To say, oh, I didn't even know that existed. Oh, that's a possibility, and I'll give an example of that. Irene Yakbas, who worked for NASA, she was one of the leads on the.
00:38:37.277 --> 00:38:43.887
Mission to Mercury for the tech. She didn't know she wanted to do that. She was going to be a math major.
00:38:43.983 --> 00:38:59.047
And then somebody came and spoke at her school and she said, you can do that. I could work in NASA. So she switched and became an engineering major, and her whole career was changed based on a person speaking to her.
00:38:59.224 --> 00:39:39.659
And so that is really one of the coolest things that we can offer to young people is to say, yeah. You can do this. You may have never even heard that word. You may have never even known that that existed. But that's really what one of the things that we pride ourselves in is being able to expose people to new. Ideas and ways of thinking. Person might not think they could do stem, and then off they go into StEm. They might not think they can do anything in writing or research, and off they go. So it's just a new way or perspective that you're giving the grandkids, especially. With children that have limiting self beliefs.
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:42.019
Yeah, absolutely. Who've been through trauma.
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:47.264
Opening them to new opportunities and seeing that those exist.
00:39:47.351 --> 00:39:58.311
Is, I think, every opportunity to do that is really great for these kids. This has been a fascinating discussion, and I'm really excited to present this to other grandparents.
00:39:58.416 --> 00:40:05.550
I'm looking forward to connecting with you. More about building a mentorship program program in our area.
00:40:07.170 --> 00:40:13.949
Again, the mentorship program that you offer is available on your website.
00:40:14.650 --> 00:41:22.690
What is the name of your website? Deborah? It's called mentorproject.org dot. It quote s the mentor project is the name of the organization and the. Website is mentorproject.org dot. And that's the one you would want. To direct people to listeners to? Yeah, because they can go right there and they can click on become a mentee. You can even click on the ask a mentor button and ask a mentor a question. All of it's free. You can also look through the website. And see what's there. I'd also urge people to check out. I have a book coming out called. The mentorship Edge, and it talks about all the different ways people can mentor. One of the examples is how I. Was mentored by my grandfather. It has another example of a grandparent in it, but it has so many different examples that you're going to be able to find ways that you can mentor that won't feel exhausting or that won't feel mentorship should feel as easy as, you know, putting on your shirt. In the morning, that you don't even. Think about it, you just do it. Yeah.
00:41:23.590 --> 00:41:27.382
And when is that book available? It's available for pre order now.
00:41:27.445 --> 00:41:41.409
It comes out November 13 on Amazon. Anywhere you want to get a book, target Amazon, Barnes and Noble, everywhere. Okay, great. Well, thanks, Deborah. Thanks for your time. Very interesting conversation.
00:41:41.829 --> 00:41:47.929
Absolutely. And thank you for having me. The great work you're doing as a grandparent.
00:41:49.420 --> 00:41:52.360
I shall. Okay, take care.
00:41:53.539 --> 00:42:33.190
Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren. Nurturing through adversity I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Get ready for an extraordinary conversation that transcends the typical narrative of recovery and transformation.
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In our upcoming episode, we'll sit down with a charismatic colleague and Dean Suncerie, a couple whose remarkable journey began in the most unexpected circumstances, one on the streets battling addiction, the other emerging from the priesthood.
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Together, they've crafted a powerful roadmap for healing that shatters the stereotypes we may hold about recovery and spiritual growth. How did their profound differences become a source of strength? What pivotal moments ignited their desire for emotional healing and spiritual?
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Holly, Kim, and Dean not only share their personal stories of struggle, resilience, and faith, but they also offer insights from their groundbreaking new book, a roadmap to the Soul. This enlightening guide lays out some surprisingly simple steps for those seeking to heal emotional wounds and expand their spiritual lives. So join us next week as we uncover how anyone, regardless of their past, can embark on a transformative journey to rediscover purpose and connection.
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You won't want to miss the wisdom and inspiration Holly, Kim, and Dean bring to the table. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you, and I pray. That you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
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