From the Pulpit to Recovery: A Priest and an Ex-Junkie Unveil A Surprising Path to Healing Emotional Wounds

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Get ready for an extraordinary conversation that transcends the typical narrative of recovery and transformation. In our upcoming episode, I have an enlightening conversation with Holly Kim and Dean Sanseri, a couple whose remarkable journey began in the most unexpected circumstances, one on the streets battling addiction, the other emerging from the priesthood.

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Together, they've crafted a powerful roadmap for healing that shatters the stereotypes we may hold about recovery and spiritual growth. How did their profound differences become a source of strength? What pivotal moments ignited their desire for emotional healing and spiritual connection? Holly Kim and Dean not only share their personal stories of struggle, resilience, and faith, but they also offer insights from their groundbreaking book, a roadmap to the soul. This surprisingly simple but enlightening guide lays out practical steps for those seeking to heal emotional wounds and expand their spiritual lives. Join us as we uncover how anyone, regardless of their past, can embark on a transformative journey to rediscover purpose and connection. You won't want to miss the wisdom and inspiration Holly, Cam, and Dean bring to the table.

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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexity of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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Well discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, youre experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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As I prepared for my conversation with Holly Kim and Dean Senceri, I found myself intrigued yet uncertain about what to expect. Their journey began over 35 years ago in the most unlikely circumstances, Holly Kim emerging from the shadows of drug addiction, and dean stepping away from the catholic seminary, poised to become a priest. On the surface, they seemed worlds apart, the junkie and the priest.

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But beneath that exterior lay a shared commitment to emotional healing, psychological growth, spiritual connection. With a doctorate in practical ministry, and impressive degrees in theology and mental health counseling, Doctor Sanceri brings a depth of insight to the table. Meanwhile, Holly Kim, a certified life coach and co author of a Roadmap to the Soul, has spent over three decades transforming lives as an addiction counselor with her own journey spanning over 30 years of sobriety, I felt an immediate kinship with her mission.

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Their expertise and unique facets of their story checked off all the boxes on my interest list and then some. I was eager to delve into the insights this remarkable couple had to offer.

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It didn't take long for our conversation to flow effortlessly. To my surprise, Holly Kim and I found a shared connection beyond our stories.

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Both of us possess a hint of what we jokingly dubbed Beth envy from the fierce character in Yellowstone.

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Along with some unexpected revelations throughout our chat, a beautiful friendship was born.

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So join me as we explore their transformative journey and the valuable lessons they have to share.

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Good morning, Dean and Holly. Good morning. Good morning. I'd like you to share with the listeners your background, how it is you came to do the work that you're doing now and why you've just written this book. Well, I'm Holly Kim, and in my process, I'm 63. I've been sober for 41 years. I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and I come from a dysfunctional family. You know, their inability to love themselves, I would have to say, was very difficult.

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I always say I can't get mad at God. He tried. He gave me four parents, but they all suffered. So they've had, you know, through their life. I still have two of them, my mom and my stepmother. But my. My. Both my father's are past. And through the process of not wanting to live in self destruction and wanting to embrace life, I got sober at 22. I was married to my drug dealer. And through that, really pushing on, you know, how do you live on this earth? With love for yourself and with love for others. Because at that point, I had, you know, totally walled myself off and through my sobriety, and I believe it was the intention of my heart is why God downloaded this to me. I am also didn't learn till I was 25 years old that I was dyslexic.

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I always thought I was the s word, stupid, and.

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And then I didn't learn that I was add until I was 37. So through that process, I believe that at 22 to 24 years old, my heart was so pure on really trying to understand what the people were teaching me. Like, you know, they would say, holly, cam, you need to love yourself. And I would buy shoes because in my family, if they loved you, they bought you something. So I had no idea what that meant. And through prayer, what God showed me was that the way he explained it to me, where I can understand in my simple self, was that there was three parts of us.

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And he helped me realize that, you know, there was the part that was connected to him, that I was born with my destiny.

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And then there was a part of me that held all my wounds from life. And then there was a part of me that I used to protect myself. And unfortunately, my protective side of me, although it was meant for good, it ended up becoming very self destructive, kind of like Beth and Yellowstone.

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But in that. Through that process of really being able to dissect myself, what I found was what God really intended for me was really how to love others and myself and him. And through that, when I met Dean, we were friends, and then he'll tell about his story, but through that, he wanted to know how I was helping people because I became a board certified substance abuse counselor.

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And through that, that process of teaching people how to love themselves, he was like, you got to teach me this. And so I always wanted to write a book because I didn't want what I had learned to go away.

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And that in those days, we didn't have the Internet and everything, you know?

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So if you didn't have something that you could, you know, put on paper, people couldn't learn because you couldn't just. I mean, I can't have the whole world in. In your office, you know, it's one at a time or a family or whatever. So, you know, it became a mission of, you know, really how to. How to forgive yourself and how to love yourself and how to love others.

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Can we? Yeah. I want to ask holly one question before you go on, because I won't remember if I don't ask.

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Now, did. Were you raised in a family with faith? Yes. My. I'm from South Louisiana, south of. It's called Thibodeau. A little town called Thibodeaux. Wait, my husband's from Thibodeau? Are you kidding me? I mean, really, what are the odds, right? Then I knew. It's kind of like a rom.com plot twist, right? I could just picture us being neighbors, sitting on our porches, sipping sweet tea. I mean, we'd already bonded over our mutual Beth envy from Yellowstone. I mean, who doesn't want to channel their inner Beth Dutton? It felt like the universe was winking at me, saying, you've just struck gold, my friend. And that's when I knew this wasn't just a one time interview. This was the start of a beautiful friendship. So buckle up, folks, because there's more to come. So, I grew up in a very catholic home. There was, you know, for me, my parents got divorced when I was little, and my sister and I were the only two children in our elementary that came from a divorced family.

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So we were the scarlet kids. Even though my mom was remarried, you know, it was. It was she, like, she couldn't take communion and all of that, but for me, because the family was so dysfunctional, I just fell in love with Jesus as a little girl. And even when I shot dope, I was in love with Jesus. Yes. And I would ask him to help me. And, you know, a lot of, like, you know, a lot of people in today, in our world of Christianity, and, you know, being able to be in all the different, you know, churches, they're, like, kind of amazed that, you know, I love Jesus so much. Even though I was shooting dope, it was like, no, he was the only person that I loved.

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There aren't many people that I try and explain that to, but I can relate. Yes, thanks for explaining that to me, Dean. Tell us your side of the story.

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Well, you know, we say that. We say where the priest and the junkie met and we got together. I was in catholic seminary. That's a movie, you know.

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Sure. There has been. So I grew up in New Orleans and grew up Catholic, and, you know, I had had a pretty profound encounter, spiritual encounter, when I was 16. And I chose to go into the seminary because that's really the only option I saw at the time, but being Catholic.

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But at a certain point, I was really discontent with the whole institution and what was happening, and, you know, still felt very close to the Lord but lost the desire to be a priest. And as I was transitioning out, that's when I met Holly Kim. And so when we met, you know, we both had a deep hunger for the Lord. We also had a deep hunger. We knew that psychological and emotional growth were very, very important.

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And so she had been on her own quest. I was on my own quest.

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And when we met, that's where we connected, and it brought life to both of us. And so after we started working together, not only on ourselves, but really turning this into a profession, when we got married, we were on our honeymoon in Santorini, Greece. And I remember asking, what do you want to do in our marriage? And she said, she wants to write a book. And I said, well, that's going to be hard because you're dyslexic. She said, yeah, well, that's why I got you. You see, he's very educated. You know, a couple years later, we saw the book. You know, Holly Cam has the gift of dyslexia. I say it's a gift. Like you, it's very, very visual. And so she sees things. And what I discovered was that when she worked with people, she would actually see the part of them that was who they really are, their true self. She would see the wounded part. She would see the coping behaviors that were causing destruction. And we started to put a language to that so that we can learn how to work with all and become the true self. And so basically, the paradigm is we need to contain our self destructive behavior. We need to do healing, work with our wounds, and we need to empower who we really are, the part of us, that's our spirit. So we put language to that, and we've been not only applying that to ourselves, but teaching people for decades on that. And it's really impacted so many lives. So it was really a destiny for us to be together because we just see things very differently. You know, she's very circular, I'm very linear, and it complements well together. And we've just been able to help so many people, specifically those that are struggling with addiction. We've heard helped a lot of people, a lot of married couples, just in general. So it's across the board. But I think most specifically in dealing with children. I know your audience is dealing with raising children. I always found that it's not the events that happen that create the long term problem. It's what happens after the events and how those around the individual deal with not the event, but the emotional fallout. Yeah.

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And so, you know, that's, in one way, that's the difference between our world War two vets and our Vietnam vets. Right. They both experienced the horrors of war. But the world War two vets, it was handled differently afterwards than the Vietnam vets. And so that's why we've had so much more trouble with mental illness and homelessness of the Vietnam vets. I think in the same way we all experience the stuff of life, that's not nearly as important as how it's handled emotionally. And I think that's what we bring to the table, is that we help people learn how to be emotionally awake, to help people walk through the process of healing. So tell us how you do that. What's the secret sauce?

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The secret sauce? I love it. Well, the secret sauce is what we do. Our book's called a roadmap to the soul, but the concept itself, we call it the voices within the.

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And where I got that from was in the twelve step movement, which, you know, I was a part of six days, seven days a week for a very long time until I got into the four walls that we talk about in the twelve steps, that there's a committee. We have a committee in our head, okay, that tells us, you know, we get a flat tire.

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You know, we're an alcoholic, and we get a flat tire, and we want to call suicide prevention. We don't want to call Triple A, you know, so we have all these different thoughts on how to handle an issue.

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So that was very true for me, that, you know, there was so much confusion in my mind, so many different thoughts.

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And what I realized was that if I could categorize my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs as though I was folding clothes. So if you're folding, like, you, you know, you pull out your closet and you pull out your clothes and you start folding them. If you put your underwear, your blue jeans and your jacket in the same, you know, drawer, getting up in the morning is very difficult. So what I. What God was showing me and what I saw was that if I put all of my wounds in one bucket, okay, and then I put all of the things, the self destructive behaviors, even if they were, looked good. So codependency in the sense, even if it was like I'm a, you know, an overachiever and I am a workaholic, that now I'm losing my family because I'm always at work, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to provide. I'm doing the good things, but I'm getting all these accolades of how good I am. But then I'm missing out on so much as my true self. So you could be, you know, down in the dumps where you're rebellious and. And doing drugs and alcohol, but you could be the high achiever, CEO, but anything that was self destructive, that was taking away the. Who I really was. And then in the third bucket, putting everything that I love and that was good. And that was pure the middle, if that, you know, all the way from childhood to now and my wounds, my wounded child is about all my. All my pain from childhood to now.

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It's not. Because what happens, even if I'm an adult and I get wounded, I feel like a wounded child.

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So instead of having to understand, I'm feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, scared, lonely, fearful. Instead of that, I just put it in one category. So it's like I have one thing to love the wound of me. And, you know, if I've, you know, had 27 years of therapy and I can identify everything fantastic, that's great. But not everybody has that kind of time. So it was just a way to kind of be more simplify things for the inner life and how to have a voice and how to slot real quick, and then how to be able to hear what I'm thinking, where that's coming from, what part of me is talking, and be able to take my life back in that moment or in whatever situation I need to do. Yeah. And I would add that because I think a lot of my listeners, we do our laundry, we don't have other people do our laundry for. So I think we can relate to that. Like, I have this vision of my home being the laundromat now. Yeah. You know, Laura's laundromat. Yes, that's it.

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Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, thinking about your little sweet, you know, your sweet grandbabies that are your babies now. You know, they come, you know, they come home and they're crying. That's one part. But, you know, and then they're really mad and they want to eat all the cookies, right. But then who they really are is, you know, who that child is. So it's like you want to embrace the womb. You want to say, we're not going to eat seven cookies. We're only going to have one today. And then you're able to bring them back to who they really are and what's really important to them.

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And a visual kids really relate well to that stuff. So if you can get the kids at home and say, how are you feeling? You know, well, which bucket does that go in? Which pile. Pile of laundry is that in? Yes. Oh, my. We are going to have a conversation when these kids come home from school today.

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Well, it's real simple. We, when we work with kids, we say, what is your angry self saying? What is your sad self saying? And what is your happy self saying? So we just divide it up by that very simple language. And it really helps, because really, emotions are energy in motion. Yes. The problem occurs when things happen, and then emotion gets internalized.

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It gets stuffed on the inside. And the opposite of internalizing is what externalizing. So the therapeutic process of healing has to do with finding ways to externalize the emotion.

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If it's not talked out, it's going to be acted out. And so that's an adage we use. I remember I had a young boy one time who was brought to me, and he was about 1112 years, eleven years old, ten years old.

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His parents were separated. His dad had a girlfriend. He was going back and forth, living mostly with his mom.

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And he was getting behavior reports every day. Like, every day he's about to get kicked out of the school. And his mom brought him to me, says, can you help him? I don't want him to have to get another school. And we really like it. So I started working with him, and, you know, you kind of play with kids and develop rapport. And then one day in session, I knew that he couldn't get angry at his dad because she had a girlfriend. I knew he wouldn't get angry with his mom. So I told him, I said, what do you think of your dad's girlfriend?

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He says, I hate her. I said, you hate her? He said, yeah. I said, I want you to come draw on the board. What do you want to do to her? So I'm coaching him, and he's got blood flying and a sword and a head, and he's drawing it out, and he's in a tizzy. And so he goes and sits back on the sofa, and it's the only time he had a little tear in his eye. And he said, I just missed my dad. I just missed my dad.

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And so I knew. I knew I got to it. I got past the angry self to the pain. He externalized it. Well, two days later, his mom calls me. She says, call me right away.

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And I'm like, oh, my goodness, what do you do? Kind of thing. But I knew I did, right? And he said, she said, I know whatever you're doing in counseling, I know you can't talk about it, but whatever you're doing, keep on doing it, because this is the first two days he's come home without a behavior report. Wow. And I said, wow, look how simple that was. Is that I gave him permission since to give voice to his angry self. Gave him permission to give voice to his sad self, his hurt self. And because of that, he stopped acting it out in school. And it sounds very simple, but it is that simple, is that it's not what happened that his parents were separated. Of course, that's difficult.

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But it was the residual of the resentment that he was still carrying on the inside that we needed to honor, we needed to externalize, we needed to love him through that. And then he would get some relief. Many of us came from a generation where we were not heard.

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No one asked us how we felt. And I'm amazed that I grew up with that and had a pretty good relationship with my children.

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But with these children, I ask them all the time how they're feeling. It's what we do before dinner. Every day, the things that come out of their mouths, I never would have known if I hadn't asked.

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Yeah. So good. And they.

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Their whole demeanor changes when they have the opportunity to express it because I think oftentimes they're surprised that that's how they feel.

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They don't, probably because of all of the voices that are going on in their own heads. Right?

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Yeah. That's wonderful, Dean. Yeah. A good tradition we did for years and years with my son is when we would sit down to eat. We'd say, give us your highlight of the day and the low light of the day. And it was very simple, but you want. You get in the best and the worst, and you're keeping a pulse. And then we would share that, too. And that was always a good way, similar to what you're doing is to get them to give voice. Yeah. And one of the things, too, is that always an opportunity when he would say his worst part was when his, you know, one of his friends did something or his teacher did something, you know, and he was mad at him. And it was like, we would say, well, you know, what would you like to do to him? And he's like, you know, and he was like, he would be like little Davey, you know, and he would say, you know, I would like to punch him. I said, just one time. And he's like, no. I was like, how many times? Because if he said ten, that's how many tears he had.

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Uh huh. I could equal. You equal the anger and the reaction, you know, the reaction to how much pain there is, because they're exactly equal. So if I'm 100 pounds of pain, I'm 100 pounds angry. So that way you get, when you can get one, you get the other. And then all of a sudden, every time they give a voice to that, that starts to drop. That's beautiful. So how do you apply that in the work that you do with couples or with adults? Yeah, yeah. Couples is, you know, it's really beautiful in the sense that couples come together because they love each other. And really, if, whenever we experience difficult events, painful emotions, it's either going to bring us closer together or further apartheid.

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And so our focus is really teaching them a paradigm and a language to be able to help when difficult things come, to bring them closer together and to help understand and speak that I also really encourage and emphasize. There's two spiritual principles that keep a relationship alive and that can resolve anything. And those, the two principles are repentance and forgiveness. And repentance is often thought of between us and God. But I'm talking about on a horizontal level. Repentance is to have a heartfelt sorrow for the things that I have done that have hurt you, to own that, to speak it, and to make a commitment to change forgiveness is to recognize I've been hurt by things that you have done.

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The hurt that I'm carrying in my heart, I'm laying it down on the altar, and I'm asking it to be removed.

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Now, those were two principles that Jesus taught, and he also said that repent, the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Basically, what he said is, if you practice repentance, it ushers in heaven.

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And the opposite is true, too.

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Practice unrepentance, never apologize, and the other team will be in the relationship. If you want hell in a relationship, never apologize, and never take responsibility for what you do. So how do you deal with people that put up a wall to disallow us, to admit our faults, which is what you have to do when you have repentance, correct? Right.

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Well, how do you. How do you melt. Melt that wall?

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Yeah, how do you melt that wall? Well, for me, the way I melt that wall is I go to what. Who you really, really are. And the way I would handle that is, you know, when I have somebody that comes in and, you know, they're kind of protected out, you know, is that, you know, and I know those behaviors because the wife is saying or the husband is saying it, whatever. But I talk to the true self that I know who you really, really are is not someone that would ever do that or that would ever want to hurt me or that ever would want to hurt our family. However, there's a part of you, and when you say part, then that person hears that, that it's not all of you. That there's a part of you that feels that you need to protect yourself from, you know, what's happening and what you've done. And what I need you to know that I know you didn't do it on purpose. However, that part of you is hurting who we are. So when you go in for who someone really, really is that their heart, you look for their heart. Then what happens is you can pull out the wound. They'll say, well, I'm just so hurt, and I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm just so afraid that we're not gonna be able to do this or, you know, so what starts to happen is, you know, they. They. You're giving.

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You're letting them know that you see that part but you're also letting them know that, you know, that's not who they really are. And all of a sudden, instead of talking to the prideful part, I'm talking to the true self part, which is who I'm in love with, which who is I want to connect with. And that brings safety for the middle part, which is the wounded part, to start having a voice. Go ahead. Okay. So one of the things that I've found, because I have a terrific habit in my family, and I'm talking about my siblings, my parents, of having a vision that I think will solve all of the problems in the family, and then I speak about it, and it causes World War Two, because I think I've figured out what our problem is. Right. This happened to me at one time, and my family didn't. None of my siblings talked to me for, like, four years, and it brought out the worst in them. So with a couple, if you're like, I can see what you're talking about. If I were to say to my husband, I love this part of you, and he goes, I don't know what you're talking about. Do you think it's important for partners to be able to speak directly about those issues? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think the guideline that I give is you need to be direct.

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You need to be honest, and you need to be loving, not direct. Honest and angry. Not direct. Honest and fearful. Not direct. Honest and rageful. No. But you're afraid it's okay. Yes. Yes. But I'm afraid to say this or that. I hear you saying, asking is, how do you handle someone to bring them to maximize the chances of creating conviction. Yes. That they'll look at their own behavior. Yes. Right. And so that's. That's the key. I mean, I I remember, you know, I always associated talking about money in a marriage with fireworks. Yes. So I remember early in our relationship, we just got married. I was young and dumb, and we needed to talk about the budget.

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And before we even sat down, my veins are coming out of my neck.

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I'm red, and I'm. And. And Holly Kim looked at me very lovingly, and she said, she said, I don't understand why you look like you want to bite my head off right now. We haven't even started talking about money, but I love you, and I don't understand what's happening, but I'm not fighting with you today.

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We're on the same team. And so she was being direct. She was being honest, but she was being very loving. And when she.

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I could see her love in her eyes. It convicted me to say, well, why is my veins popping out of my neck right now? And why do I have my gloves on, ready to punch and convicted me?

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And I started to get insight on why I was like that. And from that day, it changed. It changed. Now she had plenty of reason to say, what are you so angry about? You look like you're gonna bite my head off. And we're just talking about money. Get your stuff. You know? And then her anger would have my anger, and it would have escalated.

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But she gets the credit for pulling me out of it, into owning my own behavior because of the way she responded. And I think that that's doesn't always happen like that, but I do think that that maximizes the chances. It's like, how do you interact with a person that maximizes the chances of them feeling conviction and taking ownership of that? It's not through berating. You don't get conviction through being berated. You get conviction when you are treated with grace and goodness, even when you don't deserve it.

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Sometimes we're opening up. It's like pulling the plug out of a big dam. Yeah. With some of these issues.

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Yeah. It can go way, way, way back in people's. Yeah. And what's so important about that, too? I was thinking about, you know, when someone is, you know, let's just pick on Dean. If he was talking to me and he was saying he uses, you know, when people use the word always and never, they're talking from their wounded child because it's not always a never. So when, you know, he would say, you know, especially, I'm thinking about when we were first married, he would be like, you're always late. And internally, I'm thinking, no, I'm not always late, but I have been late. So what I would do, what I needed to do was internally, I would turn around in my mind and say, he's talking to somebody over there. He ain't even talking to me because somebody in his life has always been late, and it's caused a lot of issues. So me being late is triggering all of that pain he's never dealt with because it wasn't safe. So all of a sudden, I don't have to get defensive.

00:34:36.909 --> 00:34:43.750
Even though I have been late, I'm not always late. And it hasn't caused chaos in our marriage at this point.

00:34:43.909 --> 00:35:08.985
So, obviously, me being late triggers something that's happening. So what I was able to do. Is talk under that bucket of underwear. You got it. Girl, he's talking to the underwear. And so in that, all of a sudden, I'm able to say, I hear you, that my being late has been very painful for you, and I am willing to work on that. And do you know all the things I need to do? And we can come up with a plan.

00:35:09.177 --> 00:35:23.518
And the second thing is that somebody was always late in your life. And I can see that is very, that has been very painful for you, and I'm willing to hear whatever that is, and I'm sorry that happened.

00:35:23.614 --> 00:35:41.934
So I'm apologizing, stepping in the gap for whatever happened that I don't even know about. I also think that guilt and shame, we all have a ton of it. Yeah, well, and for me, the shame is the underwear bucket, the wounded part.

00:35:42.061 --> 00:36:00.246
And the guilt is the overcoat, the protector part. And in that, if I'm feeling guilty about something, then that means much. It went against my true self value, which becomes a good thing, because then I'm. That's not who I really am, or I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

00:36:00.358 --> 00:36:04.050
And then you use those visualizations when you're.

00:36:04.670 --> 00:36:20.596
Yeah, yeah. We actually have people name their wounded part. We have a name their protective part, like if it's an addiction. I had a guyenne recently who loved beer, and his favorite was Budweiser. So his coping behavior is bud.

00:36:20.668 --> 00:36:35.476
And so, you know, he says, and we start to use that language, and it creates a way of separating and understanding that it's a part of me that's reacting here. It's a part of me that's bringing up.

00:36:35.507 --> 00:37:45.871
You know, it's interesting. The emotional pain that we carry about life that hasn't been resolved has two characteristics. It has no sense of time, which means that part of me that carries my pain doesn't know the difference between 30 years ago, ten years ago, yesterday and today. And certain symbols will trigger it. So if I had an over demanding, angry father, well, I might be scared. I might get really worked up when I have a boss that's upset with me, or if I've had a. A smothering mother, I might keep distant from my wife. And when she wants to do too much with me, I might pull away. You know, there's certain symbols that can get triggered that are about maybe out of a 110 scale. It might be about two or three about the present situation, but I'm feeling a seven or eight because it's bringing up my history. And so we give you a language to understand that we spend time on identifying what are the symbols that end up creating overreactions in your marriage. That's more than just them. Just like I was saying about money. Talking about money.

00:37:46.016 --> 00:37:53.487
You know, we hadn't even talked. She didn't deserve. But my reaction was more based on my history than it was about her.

00:37:53.583 --> 00:38:18.760
If I don't understand that, then she gets it. Yeah. And it creates a world war three. Well, and so does this. I'm thinking about the title of your book, Roadmap to the soul. Yes. So I see it very pictorially, the way you've described that you work together. I see the dynamic, which I think is amazing between the two of you.

00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:52.541
And is this how you've laid the book out? Maybe speak a little bit more about your book? Yeah, that's definitely how we laid our book out. So, in. In our book, we have. We explain things very simply, but very directly, and then we give you exercises to do to understand how to implement what we're talking about. So we use a lot of artwork. So we have you draw your protector. We have you draw your wounded child. We have you name it.

00:38:52.646 --> 00:39:07.481
Like, you know, a protector could be named Beth. You know, it could be named like, one of my ladies, she named her protector Octopus, because she always had her hands in other people's business. Isn't that so good? It is. Isn't that good?

00:39:07.626 --> 00:39:18.230
I love how it individualizes our own issues in a way that we can relate to specifically and give it some. And give it some funness to it, you know?

00:39:18.650 --> 00:39:47.637
Right. Instead of being like, oh, I'm a horrible person, you know? And then, you know, people name their wounded child, like Saddie, scaredy cat, lonely. You know, they name it all different kinds of things. So in that we have you name and claim them, and then the goal is how to manage them and ultimately how to love them, how to love the wounded part of me when it's hurting over something that I've had to, that I've cried about a million times.

00:39:47.813 --> 00:39:55.210
But what I say is that in that part, you may have a wound that lasts a lifetime.

00:39:55.550 --> 00:40:14.530
And so, like my son, he'll. He has a wound because he was given up by his mother, his parents, and then he lost his country, he lost his language and his culture. So, you know, he has that wound for life. That's a wound that he will have to love and nurture for life.

00:40:14.829 --> 00:41:02.623
And that to make him think that just because he was wanted and he was adopted and he's. We think he's the most awesome human being doesn't mean that that's going away. That is true. And his true self gets all of that. But the wound still will be there for life until he crosses over. And then how to love the other part of me? Give it name, claim, let it learn to manage that. Don't give it any power. It can always have a voice, but we don't want it having our mouth, our hands, our feet, or our money. And you know what I always say, like, when my protector, I call her CM control monster. If Beth would have been around, I would have called her Beth. Okay? So in that, you know, she's. She doesn't always like Dean, you know, because, you know, his protector is a monsignor. You know, he's St.

00:41:02.672 --> 00:41:21.699
Francis. He's so goody two shoes. So in that it's like, you know, St. Francis wants to dismiss you, you know? And I mean, how you gonna dismiss Beth? You're not. Okay, so in that, it's like, I don't need her to like him because he's not her husband. Dean's my husband.

00:41:22.360 --> 00:42:16.244
Yeah. You see? And I want to learn to love his St. Francis. I want to learn to love my husband, and I want to learn to love his wounds from his life and have compassion and just like I have to do mine, but I can't love his until I love mine. And by doing that, what the process does is we bring you through that in the book. And what we did, I don't know how long ago we did it, but we wrote an online. We wrote a program from the book, from the concept. And we have an online course now that is a three month course. Well, it's four months. We give you four months, but we have ten sessions plus a bonus session, and it drops every week. So we have a session on, you know, what the voices is, what the protector is, what the wounded child is, how to manage it, how to, you know, how to your spirituality.

00:42:16.371 --> 00:43:07.500
And every. You have a 20 minutes video with Dean and I, and then after that, we drop two activations, which will have to do with art questions and all that. So you get the activation, and then we offer live Zoom calls weekly that go with that, that you. We want you to come on. Some people don't, but to come on, and then that way you can be a part. We can help you coach you through the course. So not only now that we have the book, we also have that. Well, we'll find what's most effective is not only information, but application. Right? So, so many times we can read a lot of information, and it's good information. But until it's personalized, applied, and practiced, it's. It doesn't serve its purpose.

00:43:07.539 --> 00:43:28.519
So that's what, why we've had so many, so much success with individuals is that, and we really encourage and emphasize, you need to integrate, you need to apply, you need to practice, and it becomes part of you. And then they see the benefits in their life. Can you tell the listeners where they can get information about your program and your book?

00:43:29.780 --> 00:43:47.465
Sure. We have a roadmap to the soul is available on Amazon, but we also have, our website is I haveavoice.com. and that has our transform use our online program. It has a link for the book and information about Holly Kim and I.

00:43:47.498 --> 00:43:49.750
It's ihavevoice.com.

00:43:51.050 --> 00:44:16.409
Thanks, Dean. I was gonna say our online course is called transform you with a U. It's been a great conversation. I've really enjoyed meeting you. I love your program. I can see how it can be very effective for couples and working with kids. I'm going to use the tools that you showed me with my kids, and I'm already thinking about a way that I can introduce it to my husband. Yes.

00:44:17.309 --> 00:44:21.014
Who's also from Thibodeau, Louisiana. That's right.

00:44:21.061 --> 00:44:24.853
Oh, my gosh. You say this book is straight out of Thibodeaux.

00:44:24.981 --> 00:45:12.461
He's gotta read it. Thanks. Is there anything else you want to add for the listeners? I mean, I would thank you for your love for people that are doing the same thing and who are, who are seeking to raise up and stand up and give the children that need the love and guidance, the sacrifice involved with that. So I really honor you and commend you and your husband for standing up and doing that. Yeah. And there's so many grandparents today that have taken on their children's children when, I mean, for me personally, my favorite person besides my son, well, my husband, but my grandmother, when I was a child, she lived 5 hours away because my parents were divorced.

00:45:12.606 --> 00:45:50.980
And I, you know, you couldn't call long distance then because you had to pay for it. So I lived, and I believe my true self, who it's become, is because my mama loved me, and I knew it. So when things were really bad and, you know, the abuse and neglect was happening, I could think of my mama, and it was her love, because you really only need one person, physical love on this earth to come out of anything to believe in you. And she just loved us, me and my sister, she loved us, and she loved me. And I just.

00:45:51.599 --> 00:46:27.309
She's the most important person in my life as child. Yeah, we always say it takes one to make a mark. One. And even if it's, if that one creates a mark on that person, that child's heart that they remember they were loved, it'll help them overcome all kinds of adversity. So it only takes one thanks for. Joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity. I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear.

00:46:27.849 --> 00:46:41.789
Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together.

00:46:42.690 --> 00:46:49.739
Thanks for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren. Nurturing through adversity.

00:46:50.320 --> 00:47:25.389
I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Were you that kid that hated sports and were teased because of it, pushed and prodded to be more athletic and you did just the opposite?

00:47:26.050 --> 00:47:48.217
Or were you the kid that was very athletic and you found yourself pleasing your parents, maybe even killing yourself to be the best on the team? Well, get ready next week for an inspiring episode as we sit down with Michael Hubert, a former corporate executive who made a bold leap in the world of sports psychology after nearly 20 years in the business.

00:47:48.353 --> 00:48:49.000
Michael's journey was fueled by his own recovery from gambling addiction and shaped by the dysfunction he observed as a sports parent and volunteer coach. In this candid conversation, Michael will share his mission to equip young athletes and their families with the essential tools to thrive in today's increasingly challenging, often toxic youth sports environment. His insights promise to shed light on the pressures young athletes face and how we can foster a healthier, more supportive atmosphere for them to flourish. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Michael's experiences and wisdom as we explore how we can all contribute to a more positive sports culture. Join us for a conversation with Elizabeth Kushdhe, licensed clinical professional counselor and women's life coach, as we delve into the vital topics of self care, self compassion, and personal growth for midlife women.

00:48:49.500 --> 00:49:03.480
In this episode, Elizabeth shares her expertise on how embracing your inner wise woman can lead to a more fulfilling life, especially for those navigating the unique challenges of raising grandchildren.

00:49:04.179 --> 00:49:55.969
Discover why prioritizing yourself isn't selfish. Learn about the importance of setting healthy boundaries and how attuning to your body can foster self trust and healing. Tune in and learn how you can unlock the power of self compassion and embrace change at any stage of life. Don't miss this chance to awaken your inner wisdom with Elizabeth's heartfelt insight. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.