Embracing Midlife- Awaken Your Inner Wise Woman

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Before I get into today's episode, I would like to give a shout out to a couple of listeners that have left. Reviews from Minneapolis, Minnesota One listener says hello.

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Thank you for creating this podcast. It's a blessing to my life in this season. I'm so glad this podcast is reaching people that need the support in the community. We have over 3,000 listeners now all over the United States and abroad. Another comment from a listener in Texas, I'm listening to the episode and you're telling my story except in single and I just feel all those feelings all the time. Thank you for this podcast. You are all so welcome. The goal of this podcast is to create support and community. I'm so grateful to be able to share information that I research for my own journey with you all.

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Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate your reviews. So without further ado, let's get on to this week's episode.

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In this week's episode, we're joined by the insightful therapist and life coach Elizabeth Kush, who has made it her mission to help midlife women discover and embrace their inner wise woman. Drawing from her personal journey, Elizabeth reveals the transformative power of understanding our true needs and shedding the guilt and shame they don't belong to us.

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Elizabeth shares with us how healing is an intricate and deeply personal process, one that isn't confined to a one size fits all model.

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With her guidance, grandmothers can tap into their inner wisdom, making intentional and compassionate choices that bring joy and fulfillment to their already beautiful lives. Through honoring oneself and revisiting broken promises once made, she inspires grandmothers to find the happiness and peace they deserve. Join us as we explore how this process of self discovery and acceptance can be a beacon for grandmothers navigating the unique challenges of raising grandchildren during midlife. It's a conversation that promises to empower and uplift, providing essential insights and practical advice for those seeking to transform feelings of overwhelm into a life fully enjoyed and cherished. Tune in and be ready to embrace a new path toward joy and fulfillment.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care we'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles.

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This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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Welcome back to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Nurturing through adversity, everyone. Laura. It's your host, Laura Brazon, and today I want to share a bit of a personal story with all of you. You see, just three years ago, I was basking in the comfort of what I believed was the pinnacle of wisdom and grace. And at 67, I felt like I'd finally reached that point in my life where I could savor the beauty I had cultivated through through years of experiences and gracefully ease into retirement. But isn't life full of surprises? Just as I was getting ready to enjoy this new chapter, life had other plans.

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Suddenly, I found myself thrust into a whirlwind of stress and strain. And it seemed like all that ageless beauty and serenity I worked so hard to preserve was slipping through my fingers. It was a time of unexpected change, a pot of challenges boiling over. And it left me scrambling to find my footing once more.

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But here's the thing. Life has a way of teaching us in the most surprising of circumstances. And that's why I'm thrilled to have Elizabeth Kush with us today.

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As a therapist and life coach, Elizabeth has dedicated her work to helping women, particularly those in their midlife. Like many of us, including grandmothers raising grandchildren, through her guidance, she empowers us to embrace and embody our inner wise woman, helping us navigate these monumental life shifts and fully enjoy the beautiful lives we've created, no matter how challenging they become. So whether you're just feeling overwhelmed, unfulfilled, or just in need of a little wisdom boost, this episode is for you. Let's dive in and explore how we can reclaim our joy, fulfillment, and, yes, our beauty in the midst of unexpected circumstances.

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Elizabeth, you have a podcast called Awaken your wise Woman. And I know that phrase can mean many different things to different people. Would you tell us what you think being a wise woman means in today's society? Yes. To me, it means that we are really attuned to ourselves, like how we're feeling, what we need, that we are fully grounded in ourselves, to be able to advocate for what we need and speak out our own truth and really being kind of settled in ourselves for who we are right now.

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All the bumps, bruises, whatever it is, we've come to this Place with that. We're okay with that. And you talk a lot about self care on your podcast.

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Yes, I know that self care is very important for us as grandparents raising grandchildren. And it's sometimes something that we overlook. How do you see self care?

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Yeah, I feel like it is has and maybe not so much right now, but definitely for a period of time. Self care was such a buzz phrase that was kind of thrown out there.

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That so important. But the reality is we need to take care of ourselves, right? Like, we need to be tuning into our own needs so that we can be our best version of ourselves. So self care to me means getting a good night's sleep, eating healthy, whatever that means for you. You know, that can mean different things for different people.

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Getting movement and exercise so that your body is staying fluid and you know, whether it's gentle exercise or vigorous, it really, I think it encompasses our physical being, our mental, well, mental well being as well as our spiritual well being. I think it really encompasses all those things. And so we need to be taking care of those aspects of our lives for ourselves to make sure that we are balanced and feeling, you know, quote unquote healthy.

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Throughout our day to day lives. That there are many desires or impulses that come out even today I came back from a busy morning and I knew that I needed to have lunch before I got on a podcast. And my body was saying, just lay down for a little while. And my inner critic, yeah, was saying, you can push through this, Laura. You can have lunch, you can do the interview and then you can lay down later. And I said, no, I can do this. I can lay down for half an hour. And I had to almost talk to myself to convince myself that I didn't want to push through.

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How do we deal with our inner critics on a day to day basis so that we can feel wise about the choices that we're making day to day?

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Such a good question. Well, I think one thing to remember is our inner critic has our best interest at heart, right? It wants us to fulfill our promises, to do our best, to not make mistakes.

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So it's always on the alert for like, oh, could you be doing this better?

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Here are the things. Maybe, you know, maybe by being critical, I'm going to push you to not lay down and rest because what would happen if you rested and then you weren't ready for your podcast or something like that, right? So it runs on this sense of like, what can we do better to make sure our lives are perfect. Right. So there's that acknowledgement that it means well, and we have choices. Right. So you acknowledged.

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Okay, yeah, I could push through. And I know right now I need to rest, so it's almost like acknowledging. Okay, I hear that critic. I hear that it's really worried that maybe I won't be able to do all the things I need to do. And I know that it's important for me. I have to trust myself that this rest is what I need right now. Yeah, yeah. So building sort of that inner trust and wisdom, but also compassion. Right. To recognize that sometimes the inner critic can knock us off track. Right. To push us to do more, be more, you know, not rest when we. When we might need it.

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Yeah. You especially work with women that are going through midlife. Yes. And we hear the term midlife crises.

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What do you most often see and experience with women in midlife crisis? Well, I would say probably most of the time for women, it's not like a single moment of crisis. Right. It's sort of these ongoing realizations through the transitions of midlife that one, maybe my life isn't where I thought it was going to be, especially if you are a grandparent raising grandchildren and you're in midlife. Like, maybe this isn't the. The path I thought my life was going to take. And so it may not be a quote unquote crisis, but it's a realization that either one, I thought I was going to be in a different place or two, like here I am at this place of midlife, I thought it was going to feel different. So often it's sort of coming to an acknowledgement of where do I want my life to be, but also what were my expectations coming into this? And maybe I need to reevaluate. Maybe I need to rethink where I am so that I can live my life as fully as possible in the now.

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Yeah. Yes. Many of us are at that place. I also find one of the things that I contend with, as I mentioned before we got on the air, that all of a sudden I realize I look older, I feel older. And so many of the hopes and dreams that I had when I was younger depended on this picture of who I was. And now that my picture is different and who I see looking back at myself in the mirror is different.

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I'm readjusting my vision of what happiness is. Does that make sense? Yeah.

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Yeah, it does. It does.

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Yeah. So becoming familiar with what that is and who I am in love with in myself is different than it was when we were young. You know, we had plans of what our relationships look like, what our families looked like, what our homes looked like, what our retirement looked like. And now I haven't completely found my picture of what my future is. Yeah, it's traumatizing a bit, I would imagine. Well, the future looks so different than you expected, but also your future isn't here yet. Right. I mean, especially if you're raising young children, future is still evolving.

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Right. But when suddenly your life has taken a turn that you didn't expect, but also that your vision of what retirement or midlife would look like is so different, it takes adjusting.

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And yes, it can be traumatizing because you're suddenly in the care of young children when you didn't expect that to be that part of your life that you didn't expect at this time in your life. Yeah. So it's kind of a readjustment and you're still kind of in transition, which you probably thought you'd already moved through.

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So how do you. How would you help your client? How do you help your clients when they're working at making adjustments to challenging situations that have come up in their lives? Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of the practices that I find helpful myself is like, one in particular is really relying or falling back on my mindfulness practice of like, well, what is happening right now? Right.

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What am. Like, I can get caught up in the worry of what will it look like five years from now or ten years from now.

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But what is it right now? What are the things I am grateful for now in the now? But even just reminding yourself that some of the worry you may be sort of projecting into the future of what your life will be, that's not really happening right now.

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Right. So that I think is an important practice. Sort of reminding yourself, you know, we're safe, we're here, I'm providing a loving environment for these children. Sometimes it's rewarding, maybe sometimes not so much. But I am here doing this right now and there's no crisis right now.

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Right. But also, I think, just a readjustment of your expectations. I think we have this vision that, you know, we are going to be. I don't know, I've heard so many people say, like, well, I've hit this place in midlife and sudd. I can do whatever I want. I can say whatever I want. I can just be my full self. And sure, that may be true for some people, but it might not be true for everybody. So readjusting your expectations of where your life is right now, does that make sense?

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Yes, I know that you use somatic experience. Yeah. With your practice.

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How. Tell us a little bit about that. Yeah.

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So somatic really means body. Right. So it's your physical experience, your internal physical experience of emotions, basically. Right. And so I think when we're in tune with what our body, how our body is feeling, what is being activated.

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Like, do you feel when you're stressed, is there a lot of tension in your chest? Or when you're really distressed, do you. Does your stomach get upset or do you feel nauseous? So it's really being in tune with your body when you're feeling emotional. And so becoming familiar with your body's signals to kind of how you're managing. Because I think so often we are out of tune with our physical experience. We really haven't been given the tools to really relate to what's happening inside. And especially if we have personally experienced trauma, we get very disconnected from our bodies because that felt easier.

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So just becoming more familiar with your own inner experience, but also knowing that movement can ease some of your distress.

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Right. So using your body to help you feel more aligned, feel more relaxed. So, you know, there are specific positions. I have some videos on my website that you can access that, you know, it's kind of offering yourself comfort and care. So if you're feeling distressed, using your own physical presence to help your body feel more relaxed. So, you know, you can put a hand on your shoulder and another hand under your arm and it's like giving yourself a hug. And that can really manage to reregulate your nervous system because you're feeling that comfort and care that. That probably you wish you'd gotten when you were a child if you didn't. Yeah.

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With children, they're very obvious about their emotional feelings being connected with their body. They'll talk about pain. It took me a while to understand with them that if they were in pain or talked about pain in their body often, that that was a signal that there was something going on emotionally for them. Yeah. And I was surprised at how I realized we all seem to be that way, or it gave me an awareness that I didn't have before. So now I think about it a little bit more often.

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Yeah. Well, what I think is an amazing practice is for people who are out of tune with their body to just give themselves, like three times a day. When I wake up in the morning, when I have lunch, when I go to bed, like, just tune in, like, what is my body feeling? What do I notice? What does that tell me about how I'M feeling if it does tell you anything, but really just checking in, like, what is happening inside?

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Do my stomach feel a little upset? Do I have tension in my neck?

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Like. Yeah, just to give you a gentle easing into being more body aware.

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And that has to do with self trust. Right. Connecting with our instincts, our personal instincts. Absolutely, absolutely. Because I think our bodies are talking to us all the time. And if we're not listening, that reduces our level of do I trust myself?

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Do you recommend checking in that way to reconnect? Yeah, I think it's a really beautiful practice and especially done with compassion. Right. As you learn to tune into your body, you may be noticing that you're carrying a lot of stress in your shoulders or your back or wherever it is. Right.

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And if we're then judging that, oh my gosh, I'm so stressed out, I need to fix this, then that just continues that sort of resistance and stress in our bodies versus, oh, I'm just noticing this.

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What if I took a deep breath? How would that feel? Sort of just playing, getting curious or what does it mean? What is this, this pain in my neck telling me, you know, does it mean I do need to lay down and rest for a little while? Is that what I'm hearing from my body? Right. Do I need to just have some quiet for a little bit of time? Yeah, yeah. We manifest trauma in our bodies, don't you think? Yes, yes, absolutely. Yes, yes. And so much of trauma is held in sort of the sacral area of our bodies, you know, lower back. You need to hear so many people with back problems and neck problems and. Yeah, so developmental problems, developmental traumas often in the neck, more adult trauma or later in life traumas often around our waist and our lower back. But it can show up anywhere. How is it that when we're younger, we maybe don't notice that as much? Well, I think that one we're not taught really, at least in our society, we're really not taught to attune to our bodies.

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Right. We're not taught to really listen. And I think kids have a way of just sort of just a resilience of kind of getting through. But I know looking back at my own childhood, I had some early childhood trauma and I had a lot of anxiety as a child. And I recognize now, looking back, that the stomach aches I had that would keep me home from school or the headaches that I would have at the end of the school day, like often that was me kind of holding in the trauma in a way that really Wasn't ever dealt with or resolved or, you know, there was no.

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Yeah. Really no help for it at the time. But I still continued to carry it. I didn't know that because nobody was talking about it then either. But as a child, I just didn't know that my physical symptoms were actually telling me something about how I was feeling.

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Yeah. I was thinking as you were speaking about patterns then. Patterns. If you've done something for 60 years, say 50 years, then it can be manifest itself in the form of physical conditions or bad posture or heart conditions if we're not breathing deeply and. Yeah, yeah. Anxiety.

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Yeah. Yeah. That's very interesting. It is. It really is. Well, and trauma and those patterns in your body. Yes. Can manifest into high blood pressure and diabetes and all various concrete physical illnesses because our body just isn't moving through the stress, the cortisol, the stuff we carry.

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How do you address common aging concerns with the patients that you have?

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Yeah, I mean, the reality is aging can be difficult in terms of our bodies. Right. If we do have pain or injury from the. Because we're getting older. I find it hard to deal with myself sometimes, personally, honestly, because, you know, if I wake up in the morning and I feel like I've done something in my sleep, you know, like sprained my ankle in my sleep, my husband always makes jokes about that. It is hard. I just validate that. Right. I mean, because it is hard. We do have to come to terms with our body aging. And that means being. Being more mindful of how we treat ourselves and not then turning that aging into something that's wrong with us. Right. This is just a natural process that we're going through. And so to treat your body and your mind and your spirit with compassion and kindness for the struggle of what it means to be older. Yeah. Can we change these habits at our age? I think so. I believe we can. I believe that change is possible. I know that just personally well as a clinician. So I'm a therapist and a life coach. But as a therapist, have seen the healing of women in midlife at an amazing level, like change happening within themselves. Right. So that they feel more confident and comfortable and at ease in themselves.

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I know that's happened for me also through therapy and my own personal work. That shift and change has happened both for my mental well being, but my physical well being as well. So I believe if you're open to it, change can happen. Healing can happen at any age.

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Can you share some examples with us?

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Yeah. Well, I can tell you personally, I, for A long, long, long, long time. Had lower back pain that I believe was a manifestation of the early childhood trauma. So it was lower left side. I easily knocked it out of whack if I wasn't thinking and I turned too quickly or got in and out of the car too fast or. And this happened, you know, this was happening probably trying to think probably 20 years ago. Right. It was continuous, it was always there. Something I was always aware of.

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It didn't stop me from living, you know, living my life actively, but I was always conscious of it. I then encountered talk about somatic work, a woman where I used to live and she had what was called authentic Movement, a group that we met every other week.

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I did it for probably five years with this same group of women. And it basically was trusting your body. You know, you would move together in a space and trusting your body that it would move in the way it needed to. And for me, as much therapy as I've been through, because I've had therapy on and off probably much of my life, that practice just finding something different to help me move through some of the stored trauma that was in my body. Do I still have some back pain occasionally? Absolutely. Once in a while it'll, it'll, it'll twinge. But overall I don't think about it overall. I don't feel it, I don't experience it. And I do credit that movement practice kind of allowing my body to move in a way that felt nourishing for me and felt sometimes not so good, like uncomfortable. But trusting that I could move my body with this group of very trusted other, you know, other women was super helpful and to be witnessed in it.

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Are there such practices online that women can do?

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Yeah, it's funny, there are. I mean, you know, I think yoga is also a beautiful practice that, you know, you could also, you know, whether it's online or in person, authentic movement would be something you would have to research in your area.

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I don't know of any online groups that practice that, but often it's dance therapists or movement therapists that will facilitate those groups.

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But there are so many, I think so many more body centered healing practices now than there ever used to be. Because there's this awareness of how much trauma is carried in our bodies. I could see how I'm thinking myself. I'll find myself at the end of the day or times when I've pushed myself through that. I'll have, I have some regular pain myself. It's minor, but you know, the kind of thing that I want to, you know, rub my neck or. Yeah, yeah. And I could see how if you could lay long enough to close your eyes and work through the pain and think of where it came from and why I got tense that way and how it manifested itself, that some kind of exercise like that could be valuable and really helpful, both emotionally, not just physically, but emotionally.

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Absolutely. Well, and I think dancing is an amazing way to move stuff through, you know, if you enjoy dancing or movement. I'm a big fan of cooking and dancing, like being in my kitchen and having some lively music on and moving my body at the end of the day when I'm cooking dinner. But yeah, but even if you're feeling stressed, practice just like giving yourself, like wiggling your body in a way that just kind of activates and kind of moves through some of the tension you might be holding. How do you suggest your clients embrace change?

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And how can we use that to move forward in this wise period of our lives, to make it a more graceful experience? Are there practices that we can do, visualizations you use with clients?

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Yeah, I just want to validate that.

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For a lot of people, change is really, really hard.

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People want things to stay the same because it's predictable. It's known, it's something. It's a way we feel in control. So part of embracing change is also embracing those uncomfortable feelings that come with change. Right. How do you do that though?

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Yeah. Well, I personally think that meditation is a beautiful way to sort of tune into your inner world. And by doing that, you are becoming more aware of what it feels like. So you might be doing a meditation and suddenly, I don't know, something pops up in your head that makes you feel really uncomfortable. But if you stay with the meditation, you can recognize, okay, well, there was that feeling.

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Whatever it was, anxious restlessness, whatever it was, if I can just stay with it, it's going to pass. That discomfort will pass. And to remember that these uncomfortable feelings around change will shift and move as we move through the change. Right. We're not going to stay in the misery ever.

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We don't ever. Even though sometimes it feels like it, we don't.

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Our emotions and our feelings and our circumstances are constantly evolving. And so I think that piece around change is so important because life doesn't stay the same no matter how hard we try to control it. It just does not.

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Yes. Yeah. Maybe in these fast paced lives that we live, we brush over those things too quickly and don't take time to just acknowledge them. I believe that is true. Yes. We are very good at pushing through, not acknowledging, not sitting with difficult feel. I mean, we're taught to like, yeah, suck it up, move along, you know, push through versus can we sit in it and be with it and offer ourselves comfort in it if it feels really hard?

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Yeah. And then maybe I think anger can come when we don't just sit with it when we try and push through. That can be where a lot of sources of anger come. I. I can see that anger and frustration. Well, thanks, Elizabeth. Tell us about your podcast briefly. And I know that taking time to listen to podcasts or online books have been a source of comfort for me during this time. Even if it's 10 minutes, it's been really helpful. So tell us about some of the topics that have been interesting that come to your mind. Yeah, so I've my season runs. I mean, my podcast runs in seasons. I have some.

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So it started off as the podcast began as woman warriors and really focused on anxiety. So I have some amazing therapists, healers, talking about anxiety and ways to manage that at the very beginning part of my podcast. But then I evolved into the Awaken your Wise Woman podcast because I was awakening into a new part of my life and I wanted to support women that maybe were in a similar place. Last season, we really focused on women who made very significant shifts and changes in midlife. So there was a woman who actually came out in midlife, she was gay in midlife, in shifted her life in very significant ways. Talked about women who, yeah, both career, but also just mentally shifted how they were living their life. So whether it was moving or changing careers or whatever it might be. So that's last season, this season, which I just restarted focusing on highly sensitive women. So women who feel very deeply, women who really are highly empathetic and compassionate, and it's a biological trait. We are just born with being highly sensitive, but we feel deeply, we connect deeply, and we can also get overwhelmed easily because we are impacted by our environmental stimulus in a very big way. So that's what the focus of this season will be. So I'm very excited about the guests that'll be on. And when did your season start?

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It started two weeks ago. A new episode will come out on Monday. Yeah, one of the types of therapies that I really love for mental health but also for coaching is internal family systems. It's identifying with all of our parts. Like you talked about your critical part. And sometimes we have a part that wants to rest, or sometimes we have parts that want to avoid. So it's really managing, working with all your parts in a compassionate, kind way. Martina Williams.

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She'll be my first guest of the season, which comes out Monday. Great. I'm looking forward to listening to that.

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Yeah, it's a great interview. She's really lovely. Thanks Elizabeth. Thanks for sharing. How can our audience connect with you to find out more information about the work you do? Awesome. So you can find me My coaching Practice is at ElizabethKushCoaching.com and my last name is spelled with a C C U S H and then my therapy practice. I am licensed in Maryland and Delaware for online therapy and you can find that@ProgressionCounseling.com and I have lots of free resources on both websites, so I would love for people to connect with me there. I'm also on Instagram at Awaken your wise woman so you can find me there.

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Thanks Elizabeth. Thanks for your time. Thank you. Oh thank you for having me again. You can look up Somatic Movement Therapy or Authentic Movement for movement classes in your area that you can attend or perhaps join online and we'll list all of Elizabeth's contact information in the show notes. Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Nurturing through Adversity. I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear.

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Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together.

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Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Nurturing through Adversity.

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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. In our upcoming episode, we're thrilled to sit down with Laurel Roberts Mies, a seasoned therapist who's spent over a decade guiding high achievers through profound healing journeys.

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From executives to healthcare workers, Laurel has empowered countless individuals to transform trauma into self assuredness and strengthen their relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, we dive into the unique and often challenging experience of raising LGBTQ grandchildren. Laurel brings her expertise and passion for life to a discussion filled with practical wisdom and hope. What are some of the unique mental health challenges faced by LGBTQ youth today? How can these challenges impact their relationship with their grandparents?

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Whether you're seeking insights for your family or simply want to be inspired, this conversation promises to leave you feeling empowered and more informed. So tune in to explore how to navigate these important relationships with compassion and understanding.

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Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.

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Peace be with you. And I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.