All You Need to Know About Healing Your Inner Eater

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Join us for this episode that I think will forever change the way you think about food and eating. In this enlightening conversation, we sit down with renowned eating disorder expert Jessica Setnick, who's known for her groundbreaking approach to unraveling the whys behind our eating habits. From discussing the significant influence of the people who raised us to the hidden stories that shape our relationship with food, Jessica sheds light on how to heal your inner eater. Whether you're completely new to the topic of eating disorders, you've always thought they only affect a few, or you suspect someone you know might be struggling, this episode offers something for everyone.

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Jessica redefines eating disorders in a way that applies to all of us, encouraging an inclusive conversation that breaks stigma and fosters understanding. Don't miss out on Jessica's insights and her innovative strategies to empower yourself and others through your food journey.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of life. Legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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There's an intriguing part of our history that many of us don't often think about. Our food stories.

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Did your mom tell you to eat everything on your plate because there were starving kids in Africa? Mine did.

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Were you someone who was always on the latest fad diet? Well, I was.

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Do you turn to comfort food in times of stress? Well, chocolate is my fallback. These patterns may seem trivial, but they hold a powerful sway over our lives. They shape the way you eat, the way your children eat, and ultimately, the way your grandchildren eat, too.

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Recognizing these food narratives that cross generations is essential in understanding and shaping them for the better.

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I know I have my own food stories. What are yours? Today, we're joined by Jessica Setnick, a trailblazer in the world of eating disorder care.

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Known for her unique ability to translate complicated stories into practical tools, Jessica brings a fresh perspective on healing your inner eater through her Training workshop, eating disorders boot camp, and hundreds of community presentations. She's connected with thousands around the world. Together, we'll explore how to set a positive example and create a supportive food environment for your grandkids.

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When we got our grandkids, they were starving. They had oftentimes been feeding themselves out of whatever was in the pantry or the fridge. They were hoarding food, hiding it under their beds and in the corner of the house.

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And when they came to us, it brought up all the food issues I had. I heard myself telling them all of the things that I'd heard growing up. Eat everything on your plate. You've got to eat your greens. Don't eat too late, don't eat too early. And because I wanted to give these kids the best of everything, I began examining my own inner stories about eating.

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That's why I jumped at the chance to have a conversation with Jessica Setnick, an expert in eating disorder care. So, Jessica, tell us what we need to know about these food narratives that we all have. How can we steer these kids in the right direction when it comes to having healthy food narratives?

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So the number one thing is simply that everything is individual. That is the key to the whole operation.

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So like you said, we have to try not to sort of dump our food narrative onto the next generation, whoever we are interacting with, because their experience is so different. And I just interpreting based on what you've said, the limited amount that you said, that these children were neglected and that they weren't fed on a regular basis. And so their internal cues. Right.

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Kids are born. And barring some medical issues, which do exist plenty of the time, but other than that, kids are born knowing how much they need to eat and when they need to eat. And they tell us through their cries and through their different body language.

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And if those responses, if our responses are not attuned to those, then kids learn that they have needs, but that those needs hurt them.

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In other words, those needs aren't met. And so they then have to meet their own needs. And so that's what it sounds like to me happened when those kids. And you didn't even say what ages they were, but obviously know, old enough to open the fridge, but that they had learned that they had to fend for themselves because there weren't adults around them that were going to feed them on a consistent and safe basis.

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Yes, my kids are five and eight.

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And so they're five and eight now. How long have they been with you? Almost three years. Okay. And so have you seen improvements in that time in their safety with eating. Oh, yes.

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The older one still wakes up in the morning, first thing she wants is food. She needs to know it's there. Yeah. And that's how she is all day long.

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Also, both the kids are adhd.

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Her metabolism is very high, so she could just eat all day long. She doesn't understand the difference between. Well, we actually, we talk about it. We'll say, is it your stomach that's telling you you're hungry or is it your head that's telling you you're hungry? And she'll have to stop and think sometimes so that she's just not eating because she's afraid it won't be there anymore. Right. She's so lucky to have you to help her process through that. And as someone who takes medicine for adhd, I know that it totally affects your appetite too. So it's confusing. Right, because you think when you wake up in the morning, typically you think, oh, I should eat something, I should be hungry. But that's not always the case. Body sense wise. Yes. They feel obviously more secure. And because I'm a very visual learner with the children, I try and talk about things in terms of comparing them to a visual image. So I'll say the reason it's better for you to have protein before you go to bed instead of sugar is that the proteins break down slower. And if you imagine a little monster that can gobble food all the time and has a bottomless stomach, that's what sugar is. And then there's this other little, little guy that eats really slow and he can go to sleep feeling satisfied and doesn't think about food. When he wakes up in the middle of the night and he gets up in the morning and he's has energy. To go, you know, I love that you're doing it age appropriately. That's so key.

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Because I do think that there's a lot of thinking if we need to teach kids about nutrition, that is not age appropriate and it's very confusing. And may I offer one suggestion?

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It would simply be to use caution with the word monster simply because you don't want to make a child think, if I want something sugary, then therefore I'm a monster, Something like that. So it's a creature or it's a, you know, that kind of thing.

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That would be fine. It's a, you know, it could be two bunnies, right? Yes. But I would just encourage you not to.

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Just because that's so. Kids can be so concrete when we use.

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And you're not Using. Even using words like good and bad. I'm just extremely sensitive to the idea of what kids can take away from what we say, because you've got the bunny that hops really, really fast and uses up all their energy, and the bunny that, you know, goes to sleep and stays asleep through the night. Thanks for helping me with that. Because we don't even realize when we're placing our own prejudices on our children. And I think it's very important to give as unsubjective a picture to them as we can. Yes. And some people will, listening to this, will say, but then kids won't know that sugar is a monster. And that's where we have to sort of interrogate, investigate our own thinking about that. And I can't help thinking about a friend of mine, a high school friend, who, as adults, she had a young child, and she called me and said, could I get some advice?

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I'm really against giving unsolicited advice, Laura, so.

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But if someone asks, absolutely, I will give advice. And she said, when we leave church, they have donuts. And I feel like, you know, she's bigger than some of the other kids, and I don't want her eating a donut. And so I say, you can't have a donut, but you can have an apple when we get home. And the other day I found out while she was with my mom, she had some cookies, but she lied to me about it. And I feel like I've done something wrong because why would my kid lie about eating cookies? And I said, okay, you've got a very, very early budding problem that you can stop right now. And I want you to talk to your daughter about the cookies and say, you know, you never have to lie to me about anything. I want to make sure we have a good, trusting relationship.

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And if I've made you think that eating cookies is wrong and you have to hide it from me, I want to change that right now and then in the future when you're at church and you don't have to link these two things in her mind. But I'm impressed. I was impressed that the mom was able to link these things in her mind. I said, if she says she wants donuts, you're the parent and you get to decide. And you can just say, no, we're not having donuts right now. But don't add in. You can have an apple when you get home, because that gives the impression of you're wrong for wanting a donut, but you're good if you Eat an apple or donuts aren't for you, they're only for the other kids. You are bigger and so you have to have an apple. Like, there's so many things that are unspoken, but you're the parent. If you don't want your kid to have a donut, you just say, no, we're not doing donuts now.

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And if it's okay with you for her to have a donut, great, have a donut. But don't make it about. There's a right choice and a wrong choice here, and especially don't make it about this kid is bigger. And so they are then punished for their choices. Well, I have a question about that. Sure. Because both of the kids have different issues with foods. Your kids? Yes. Okay. So my granddaughter, who's eight actually, she processes sugary stuff better. Tommy, when he, my grandson, the five year old, when he eats sugar, it literally, he. It turns him into a wild man.

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Like, it doesn't. His body just doesn't manage it well at all. How do you deal with when you have more than one child in the house and maybe they have something as simple as different food allergies and they want to have what the other child is having, but you know, it's not good for them. Do you have a good narrative about how to handle that? Yeah. My thought is you have control over what you bring into your home, but once it's in your home, it's fair game. So in other words, I'm thinking of a situation where a child had. Was newly diagnosed with diabetes and the child wanted to drink soda, and that's not a healthy choice for that child. And so I asked the mother who was, who is present, would it be okay to stop buying soda and bringing it into your home? And she said, well, what would my husband drink? Right. So sometimes we as family members need to make accommodations to help a child. Right. If you had a child that was deathly allergic to peanuts, you wouldn't bring peanut butter in your home and expect to eat it because that's putting that child at risk. Now, the sugar is not necessarily putting your child at deadly risk like that. Right. But my point is, are there things that you want to bring into your home and things that perhaps you don't want to bring into your home because that's what you have control over once it's in your home? I would not distinguish between the children that this child can eat it and this child can't. That just develops lifelong problems. And I'm thinking of a gentleman I worked With. And by the way, I'm talking about an adult here. But in my opinion, eating issues are very much rooted in childhood, regardless of what age someone seeks help. So this gentleman was the CEO of a company. He had resources.

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He could have anything he wanted. And he was trying to lose weight.

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So he had ordered meals from a meal delivery company that would bring him frozen meals. He'd put them in the freezer. You're supposed to eat one at every meal, and he would eat three or four at every meal. And so was not effective. Right. So he came to see me, and we were talking. I asked him, you know, what was eating, like, when you were a kid, how did you get food? Who provided the food?

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And he recalled that he was adopted, and his parents also had a biological son. So he had a brother who was about the same age. And just so happened that the biological son, let's say, for lack of a better word, had sort of the same body type as the parents. And this adopted son, my client, was bigger, and so he wasn't allowed to eat as much as his brother. These are kids, right? And the brother could eat as much as he wanted. And my client was limited to one plate, no seconds. So is it surprising that he would grow up and when he had his own choices of whatever he wanted to eat, that he would eat three or four portions? Right. So that's the kind of thing that we're trying to prevent. I mean, technically, to me, there's a lot there that's not a dietitian's role. There's a lot of therapy there, right?

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Being treated differently from a sibling, that kind of thing. In your case, you have a situation that's a little bit subjective. And so you may be limiting the amount of suites that you bring into your home. And then once they're gone, they're gone in the sense of, like, if you.

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Let's say you bought, you know, one. I don't know. I never know if it's called a box or a bag. Let's say Oreos. A box of Oreos. And once it's gone, it's gone. Right? So that's the end. It's not that you would, let's say, try to sanitize your house of all suites, because that's setting up a different kind of problem, right, of your children going to someone else's house and walking straight to the pantry, which we've all seen. I've seen that. And so instead, you want to make sure those foods are available, but maybe encourage them as part of A meal. So if someone says, oh, can I have some Oreos? You can say, oh, yeah, let's put some Oreos in your lunchbox for you to have at lunch, right? That kind of thing where you're sort of teaching that that's something that would be appropriate to have versus if someone says, can I have some Oreos for a snack? And you say, you know what, you're a hopping bunny right now. That needs a lot of energy. So let's do an apple and peanut butter. Because I think that would give you the energy that you need. You know, something like that. Where again, you're not saying, no, Oreos are bad for you, but you're saying, here's something that I think will be better fuel for you. Or even here's an apple and peanut butter and a couple Oreos, right? So you're really trying to teach real world skills. If you never bring Oreos into your house, that's just one example. But then it's sort of like saying, if I have a home that that has no electrical outlets in it, then my children will never stick their finger in a socket. But you can't sterilize your home like that, right? You have a home with electrical outlets, but you teach your children, don't stick your finger in there, or you put, you know, outlet covers on them. It's sort of like you have to have those foods in your house and demonstrate role model eating them appropriately.

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I was going to say that brings to mind the issue of making food an open discussion.

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Yeah, I love that. Right? Absolutely.

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Talk to us about some ways we can bring food into our discussions.

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It's, you know, it's like some other issues that are sort of taboo to talk about because if we have our own food addictions, it's like any addiction, it's difficult to. Well, and the way I think about it is your own food issues. I think of it as. I mean, this is going to sound silly, but it's kind of like your sex life. Like, it's not for kids, right? You're not keeping secrets. It's not. There's a difference between secret and private or secret and age inappropriate. And as I said before, age appropriate is the key. It's individual and age inappropriate. Age appropriate, Excuse me, Those are the really important things. So to say something like you can't have Oreos, they have too many carbs and carbs make you fat or something like that, like, that's not age appropriate for a five year old.

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But to say you're a hopping bunny who Needs lots of energy. I'm not sure Oreos are really going to power you with what you need. So let's pair that with a half a turkey sandwich. Right? That's the kind of age appropriate that I'm talking about. So when you talk about making it a conversation, individual, age appropriate and keeping our own stuff out of it is what's so hard. Because all of us grew up. There's no one alive that didn't grow up either with a parent or grandparent who went through the Great Depression, who went through some kind of food insecurity, who went through a refugee situation, who went through some kind of food shortage. Right. Covid. Type of thing. Like, there's no. There's no one.

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So it's easy for us to think that our kids should get it, right. Like, I'm thinking of all the things I was told, well, you put all that on your plate, so now you have to eat it. Or I used to eat a ring around an apple, and my parents would say, well, I can't believe you did that. And I. I think as an adult, if, you know, I can't eat a whole apple, then give me half an apple. Or just accept that I'm going to eat a ring around it and eat, plan to eat the rest of it or cut it off or whatever. Right? But to keep expecting me to be different when I'm a kid, that's. That's on you as the adult. So I'm thinking of all the times we were told, you know, there's children starving in China. Fill in the blank of the country.

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Right? And the fact is there were children who were hungry across the street. We just didn't know it. Right. Or, you know, make a happy plate. Right? All that stuff. We think it's so neutral or positive or we're really helping kids, but what we're ending up doing is we're actually taking them away from their own internal cues. And that's the secret, is to help kids tune into their own internal cues. You have. And many people have an uphill climb, right? Because you already. When the kids got into your care, they already had been removed from those internal cues. So you're trying to actually not change them into new kinds of eaters. You're trying to unroll the. I'm Jewish, so my grandparents would say mishigas, the craziness that's been rolled onto them. Right. And so get them back to those intuitive eaters. And so those are the kind of things that I think you're doing a great Job with talking about, is your tummy hungry? Or another way to think of it, when you're talking about tummy hunger and head hunger is, there's more than one feeling that feels empty.

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Hungry is one of them. But also, sometimes bored can feel empty, and sometimes lonely can feel empty, and sometimes sad can feel empty. And so I want, you know, let's talk about which of those feelings you might be having. Oh, you might be having more than one of those feelings at the same time. Yeah, right. And food only. Food only solves hungry. So if you're hungry and bored, okay, let's get you a snack and let's think of an activity so that you're not saying you can't eat when you're bored. You can, you know, it's like you can have more than one thing at a time. So. So when you're talking about how to bring this into an open conversation, I think the open conversation is the age appropriateness. It's not necessarily burdening our kids with our stuff. Although there is an exception, and that is when we are trying to repair. So, for example, let's say you realize you're in some kind of power struggle with your kid over one bite, right? And you said, just take one bite of your peas. Just take one bite of your peas. Come on, just take one bite of your peas. And the kid is sitting there, like, weeping, let's say.

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And you realize, oh, we've gone too far here. And there's part of you that thinks, well, I said they have to eat one bite. So if I don't make them eat one bite, then I'm giving in, right?

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And so my suggestion would be instead to say to the kid, oh, my gosh, I just realized something. You don't need to eat one bite. I just had the idea that if you ate one bite, you might like it and then you might want to eat more.

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But you know what? I can see that you feel really uncomfortable eating one bite. And your tears are what's showing me that. Thank you so much for helping me understand. Or you can say something like, when I was a kid, my parents made me eat one bite, and I thought that's what made me a healthy eater. And I just realized that there's other ways to be a healthy eater. And you don't have to eat one bite if it's this upsetting. I want you to eat one bite when it's your idea, not when it's my idea. So that's the exception of when you would share your own food stuff. With someone. And I did that once with my stepson. I made him ramen noodles that he wanted.

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And I thought it was exactly how his dad made it. But he said, there's something wrong. They're too brown. They're too cold.

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Like, everything. I could fix it. You know, I thought, oh, I could fix that.

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I can just reheat it. But the truth was, he didn't want them or he didn't like the way I made them. And after a few rounds of that, it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks. And I said to him, and he may have been a little bit young to really understand, but it was.

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It was important that I sort of felt like I was speaking the truth to him. And I said, you know, what I just realized is that I really wanted you to like the soup that I made, because I really want you to like me. It was the first time I'd ever made him something when his dad wasn't around. And I said, and you know what? I know you. I already know you like me. So you don't have to eat the soup. Let's get some cheese and crackers or whatever you want to eat for lunch. I love that there's.

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We attach so much emotion to food.

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Well, food is love, right? I feel like I was, like, 30 the first time I said to my mom, like, stop pushing food on me. Food isn't love. And she yelled back, yes, it is. Yes, I. I agree. It's. It's so rewarding to me to cook and make my family happy.

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I think somewhere in my background, I have a little Italian.

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I love feeding. Well, then it's Jewish, too, because I love to cook food for my family, too. And my husband will never say he doesn't like it. The way I have to sort of, you know, wriggle it out of him is by saying, should I add it to the rotation?

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And then he'll say, you know, I like the way you make chicken the other way better. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Oh, this is fun. With children, anytime you make something fun, they learn better. We all learn better, don't we? Oh, yeah. Well, laughing is learning, right? It turns on the same neurons. And I. Speaking of my husband, I have to tell you of a healing experience that we had early in our marriage. I baked some chocolate chip cookies, and he walked into the kitchen, and he said, who's coming over? And I said, I don't know who's coming over? And he said, well, I don't know. I thought, someone's coming over and I said, I don't. Like, I understand the words you're saying, but I don't understand what, like, what? And he said, well, you baked cookies, so someone's coming over. And I said, no, I bake cookies because I'm taking some over to the neighbor and I'm keeping some for us. And he. I said, what are you talking about? And he said, oh, my gosh. When my mom, you know, would bake cookies, it would always be because company was coming, and we weren't allowed to have any cookies because company was coming. And so I said, here's a plate of cookies.

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This is for you. Go eat as many as you want. And he did. He ate a couple. I mean, he didn't even eat the whole plate of cookies because, you know, it's like, oh, I can have the cookies. But it's so weird how it was this whole unspoken thing, and if we hadn't tried to sift through it. Right. It was just so confusing. Like, he doesn't have to sneak cookies. He doesn't have to want cookies and not get them. We're adults now. You can have cookies.

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But it was all this, you know, historical stuff, let's say, going through his mind that he almost didn't realize until we talked through it. Yes, I guess we all had that. So our history affects everything, including food. Do you have any suggestions for kids that don't want to eat vegetables?

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For my children, I will say, especially for one of them, textures are an issue. Yeah.

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My suggestion is actually for the adults raising those children is let it go. Because your child's relationship with food is so much more important than any one food they will or won't eat. So in other words, you have a child who's very sensitive to textures. They probably will be sensitive to textures for the rest of their life. I say this as a person who's sensitive to textures. It's not something you can coerce out of them, but what you can do is you can make it worse. You can give them bad experiences of being forced to eat or of having, you know, broccoli mixed into their brownies. You know, kids with texture aversions will. Will suss that out. As sneaky as you think you are, I really don't agree with sneaking in foods. Mixing, sure. But not lying about it. Right? Yeah. I tried something. I tried something new. Right. Would you like to try it? I think it's really delicious.

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But not sneaking, not lying about it, because I feel like you can ruin brownies for them now. Right? You can ruin the next thing for them. And so the best exposure is for them to see you eating them and enjoying them. And then hopefully over time, they're intrigued and they'd like to try something. That's the best way for a kid to try a new food is when it's their idea rather than when it's our idea.

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Because when you're talking about someone with any kind of food aversion and especially the history of food trauma that you're describing in your kids, anything that feels like pressure raises the stress level. And in order to try something new, usually the stress level at a meal has to be much lower rather than higher. So that's why we also suggest things like don't discuss, you know, scolding at a meal or your bad grades or, you know, that kind of thing. We're trying to have a positive mealtime environment because that's the best chance you have for kids to be able to follow their own internal cues. And that's really the gift we're trying to give them, is that they eat the best way for them as opposed to what we think they should eat. And it's really hard to keep it separate. It's really hard. Okay, let's talk about grandparents that are raising teens. Okay.

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Where eating disorders begin to come into play, especially with young girls that are concerned about their body types. How can we begin addressing that early on? And then what can we do when we have grandchildren that are. That we're beginning to see some signs of concern. So by the time you're beginning to see signs of concern, it's been going on a long time already.

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So eating disorder prevention really is in the five and eight year old stage that you're working in right now. And the most important thing we can do is we can again, check ourselves, monitor ourselves, not be commenting on other people's bodies, not be commenting on our own bodies in a negative way.

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Not saying, oh, you look so great, you've lost weight to someone, because those are things that kids pick up on. And we need to have other things to be sort of our guiding principles when we're talking to other people and about other people. Um, it was so great to see Jane as opposed to, Jane looks so great. I wonder what she's doing to lose weight. Or I'm so jealous of Jane's new outfit. Right. We want to say things like, you know, hi, it's so, I'm so happy to see you. I always smile when I see you. Right. Those kind of things. Or it's been a while I hope, I hope you've been well because it's just been a long time and my heart's really singing, you know, to see you or whatever that is. But not commenting on someone's appearance. And it's really hard because we think it's kind to comment on someone's appearance, right? If they've lost weight, like how can we not mention it? That feels weird to not mention it. Like do we not notice? But you have to kind of pretend you don't notice, like look someone right in the eye, right? And that's the kind of thing that helps kids realize that however they are is going to be okay with you.

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Because the worst thing that could happen is for a child to start changing their body because they think we want them to.

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And the fact about eating disorders is the things that cause them are things that we all do. So things like weighing ourselves, things like keeping a pair of pants in the closet that don't fit so we can check and see if we fit in with them, skipping a meal to fit into a fancy party clothes, those are things everybody does. I mean, it's just a norm in our society and maybe everybody doesn't, that's an exaggeration. But they're real common things to do. But the people who develop eating disorders, we don't know what, what aspect that is. Is it something genetic? Is it changing your eating under stress? That's my, my take on it is that anytime someone changes their eating under stress, that combination makes the eating changes really rewarding to their brain chemistry. Right. And so that's where the problem lies. So 5 to 8 is where we're already laying the foundation for. I love how strong you are. I love that you lifted that. Wow, you have really good balance. And talk about kids bodies in those ways. And when we go clothes shopping is a great opportunity if something doesn't fit a kid to say like, wow, you've grown so much, that's so cool. We need to get you a different size, right? Instead of, oh, if you lost a little weight, you'd look better in that dress. Right? So we need to really be five to eight is when we really need to be laying the foundation. Then when we get to the point where there's more independence and that kind of thing.

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The biggest danger is when a kid says they want to change their eating and we say that's great. When a kid says I want to go from Cokes to Diet Cokes or I want to start eating carrots at lunch every day and we say, oh, that's so great. Or they say, I don't want to eat junk food anymore. And we say, this is so great.

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That is a huge no. No. What we should say instead is tell me more. Tell me more. What brought this on? What?

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Why? Because if we can find out the motive, we could prevent a lot of problems. Because if someone says, well, I feel really excluded at school, and I'm thinking, maybe if I lose weight, then I would have more friends. And we need to talk about.

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Okay, I don't know that changing your body is the answer. I wonder if I can help you. You want to look at the list of clubs and see if there's an after school club you want to join? Right. So we have to find out the reason. If someone says, well, you know, I want to just eat carrots at lunch because I love carrots so much, that's one thing. But if someone says, I want to eat carrots at lunch because I heard they have negative calories. Right. That's a whole different conversation. So instead of just getting excited because in our minds, we think, oh, my kid wants to eat more healthy food. Yay. We need to really investigate why. And I always think of a mom who came up to me after a talk and said, you know, my daughter was in the bathtub the other night and she, she asked me if we should be eating more salad.

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And she said, the background is that my husband was diagnosed with high cholesterol. And so we're, you know, eating differently in our home. And my daughter said, should I eat more salad so I don't die? And she said, what should I tell her? And I said, I know you want this to be a question about salad, but I think your child is asking you if her daddy's gonna die. There's something. This is a young kid who's asking you about dying in the tub.

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Right? And so, you know, I, I wanna, I, with all my heart, I wanna tell you there's a food solution to this, but this is a deeper conversation that needs to happen. Your daughter has misinterpreted what is going on in your home, and it makes sense to really level with her and explain that high cholesterol doesn't mean that anyone's going to die. And you're eating more salads because they're so delicious and they have lots of nutrition for your energy. And if you're ever worried about dying again, come right to me and let's talk about it.

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Great. I really love your perspective on all of these issues. Is there anything else you want to share in particular with the grandparents. Well, I did put together a workbook specifically for people who want to sort of delve into their own stuff in order to avoid passing it to the next generation. And it's called Healing your inner eater. And the subtitle is break the intergenerational chains for you in the next generation. Something like that. I've said it wrong now, I've mangled it, but it's healing your inner eater and it's. It's really all about this. And it's. It's a totally shame free, blame, free situation. The exercises are things like drawing a map of the people who raised you, regardless of their relationship to you. The people who raised you, what were their experiences with food?

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So that we can see that nobody was trying to harm us in childhood. They were just living their own experiences.

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Right? And so we can forgive them for what we feel like they may have done with us and to our eating. Now, granted, there's not every situation is appropriate to forgive.

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Right. Purposeful harm. I'm not talking about that, but when it comes to wow, I wish my parents would have been better role models for eating. Right. We can forgive and say they were acting upon their own experience. Experience. And I always think of this. I didn't. I heard this on the radio, so I can't say that it's a fact, but it was that. Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, she always kept bread in her cupboard. And I don't think that this is a person who probably ate it before it even went bad because I assume she has lots of fancy state dinners to go to. But she grew up in East Germany with the bread lines and remembered standing in bread lines with her mom. And sometimes by the time she got to the front of the breadline, there's no bread left. And so she can't go to sleep unless she knows there's bread in that pantry. And I'm thinking of my Uncle Stanley who was in World War II in North Africa and they didn't have enough water, and he slept with a glass of water next to his bed for the rest of his life into his 90s, because if he woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about being in the drought, he wanted to know that water was right there. Right? This stuff affects us lifelong. So unless we are consciously making an effort not to pass it on to the next generation, we will automatically, without even realizing it. And so that's what the book is about. It's not about any kind of negativity. It's just about trying to understand why we developed the way we did, why the people who raised us developed the way we did, and how to change our thinking about it so that we don't pass it on to the next generation.

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And that's our greatest concern with these kids. Right. Well, you know what? Everyone is worth healing. Right? It's never too late to feel better about yourself, your body, your eating. But if the reason that you do it is to make a better life for your kids, that's a great motivation. It is. They've been a great motivator for me that way. Yeah, it's a great motivation to do things that maybe wouldn't come to the top of your to do list if it wasn't for them. Great way of putting it.

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And how can our listeners find that information? Yes, so they can go to healingyourinnereater.com and look for the link for the workbook. And what I'll do is I'll put a discount code in my online store so if they use the discount code podcast, that will bring the price of the workbook down to$15. And it's a printable so you can print it at home. Thanks Jessica. Appreciated your time today.

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Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Nurturing Through Adversity.

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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Next week, join us for an inspiring episode of surviving burnout recovery. 60 seconds at a Time with Carrie Severson.

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Discover how Carrie's powerful journey through her husband's cancer diagnosis highlights the resilience needed not just for patients, but also for the caregivers who support them. This episode offers invaluable insights into the unique challenges faced by grandparents raising grandchildren. Balancing the dual responsibilities of caregiving while battling illness, Carrie shares her heartfelt story of receiving her husband's life altering cancer diagnosis and how her world came to a standstill. Learn how she developed a robust support team encompassing medical, psychological and spiritual elements to navigate this challenging time. Whether you're directly impacted by cancer or find yourself in a caregiving role, this episode is packed with wisdom and practical tips for building a community of support in ensuring self care. Tune in and be inspired by Carrie's journey of strength, hope and love. Don't miss it. Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for an episode that could change the way you view resilience and caregiving.

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Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.

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Peace be with you. And I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.