A Father's Heart- Navigating Faith, Respect and the Impact of Fatherlessness

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Drawing from his own experiences, Philip Blackett reflects on the critical role of fathers in shaping identity and relationships and shares cherished memories of his grandmother's love and support.

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His book, disagree without respect, offers a framework for navigating differences with truth and respect.

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Valuable wisdom for grandparents raising grandchildren join us on this episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity as Philip discusses faith, family, and the importance of leaving a positive legacy, all while exploring how to approach challenging relationships with love and understanding.

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Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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Welcome back, listeners. In today's episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Philip Blackett, an accomplished author, consultant, and entrepreneur who shared his profound insights on faith, family, and the power of respectful disagreement.

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As a grandparent raising grandchildren myself alongside my husband, Phillip's perspectives really resonated with me, especially when he spoke about fulfilling God's will by taking care of the most vulnerable members of our families and communities. His emphasis on being a good steward of God's blessings and using simple acts of service to grow God's people was truly inspiring.

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I was particularly moved by Philip's openness in discussing the challenges he faced growing up without a father and how that experience shaped his own journey as a parenthood.

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As someone who also grew up with an absent father, I could relate to the struggle of learning to trust and believe in a heavenly father. Philip's insights on the critical role fathers play in a child's development of identity and values were eye opening. Throughout our conversation, I was struck by Philip's wisdom, compassion, and dedication to leaving a positive legacy for his children and future generations. His practical advice on respectfully navigating disagreements within families fell both timely and necessary in an increasingly divided world. I know I'll be thinking about this discussion for a long time to come, and I hope you too, will find value in Philip's words. Remember, links to Philip's book and other resources are in the show notes.

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I love the people that I connect with through this work.

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Philip Blackett, who's an author, a consultant, an entrepreneur. He has a master's of divinity from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, an MBA from Harvard Business School, and a bachelor's degree in political science and economics from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He also contributes to some major publications like Business Insider, Entrepreneurial magazine, Forbes, and LinkedIn, and has written a book which I think is very interesting, called Disagree without disrespect. He has a passion for God just as I do, so it does weave its thread through our conversation. Welcome, Philip. Thank you so much, Laura. Happy to be here with you. I'm really interested in the fact that you have two children that are diagnosed autistic.

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I do as well, and many of our listeners have children or grandchildren that they're raising that are neurodiverse. That's a new term for us as grandparents. There were different terms when we were kids. People said we were different or special or whatever. You can relate with daughters that are autistic. Tell us how that's woven into your life. Well, yeah, I think the best way I can identify with that, Laura, or understand it is, you know, it's almost like I'm seeing the sequel of an original movie, and the original movie was my life. So when I was growing up, to your point, they weren't necessarily calling it autism. They called it other things.

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Some things we could say here on air, some things we probably can't now. But nonetheless, it was something where for me, being on the autism spectrum, you know, I'm just kind of living it in real time, right as a kid growing up, and that was a different experience or different lens of looking at the world compared to what my mother and my grandparents were looking at me at from their vantage point. They saw that I processed things differently, I thought differently from others. I was nonverbal till I was about four years old. And so especially in light of comparison to other children in your grade level or in your community, in your church, your neighborhood, something seemed off with me.

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And so I think obviously, for me to be on a show like this with you is definitely going from non verbal to about four years old to talking to you here is a great testament to the love and dedication behind my mother and my grandparents raising me. I think I also have a continuity with that, going in with my own daughters. Twin daughters are now seven years old, getting ready to start second grade in about a month. But before we got to second grade, my wife and I had a moment where we were concerned about where our kids were at development wise and whether or not they could do school just like everyone else as well. And so that was something that through, you know, whether it's prayer or early intervention or, you know, accommodations and supported services by the schools that we were in and that sort or family help or community support, thank God they made significant progress from where they started.

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And it definitely is a reminder for me about how important it is for someone on the autism spectrum to have somebody care for them and really advocate for them, invest in them, and love on them through the good and the bad times, just staying consistent and faithful, just like with my grandmother did with me.

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Philip's gonna be fine. I just got some work to do.

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He's gonna be fine. He said the same thing with my kids as well. They're gonna be fine. We're just gonna keep loving them, keep investing in them, keep pouring in them, keep supporting them, doing the same things that my family did with me when I was their age.

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Do you find yourself pulling that stuff up that you remember your grandparents saying to you as a child? Well, of course, especially since they're no longer here with me. So now when you lose somebody within your family or somebody that you care about, it's the memories that you're repeating oftentimes more so than what you lived out with them, because you don't want to forget them.

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And so I think whether it's my grandmother sitting me on her lap, and we were doing handwriting, and she was working on my handwriting on those blue and white handwriting tablets, I'm not sure if they still do that today in schools, but even to this point, like, I know a lot of people type or text now, but once upon a time, we had to write with pens, and it may not be cursive handwriting as it was before, but you at least had to print it.

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And so it's still a witness to my grandmother's love and dedication when people compliment me on how neat my handwriting is. I didn't just come out the womb knowing how to write like that. Somebody taught me. And so she may not be here physically anymore, but that's part of that legacy that lives on.

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Many grandparents that are raising grandchildren tell me that one of their number one concerns is being able to leave a legacy for their grandchildren. When they record their conversations with me and are able to go back and listen to them, they often are amazed at what they have done. Because in our everyday lives, what we're doing right now oftentimes seems insignificant or we're judging ourselves for not doing the best job we can for our grandchildren. But when you listen to the stories, and I'm listening to yours now, about the memories of what your grandparents did for you, right there, in a nutshell, to me, what they did for you is all valuable, even if that's all they did for you.

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It's a great legacy, a great memory.

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Absolutely. It's one of those things that as we get older, we recognize the people we started life with. They're not always going to be here with us. And so you think about it in terms of, even as a father, for myself, it's the thought of, okay, my kids are now the age where you start to remember things. So remember as far as having memories of what happened in the past. So the thought that comes in my mind is, what type of memories do I want my kids to have of me as they become young adults and they become parents and I become a grandparent, and also when I'm no longer here. So I think that's a part of the driving force for me. Laura, what do I want them to remember me for?

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The book that you've written, disagree without disrespect, how to respectfully debate.

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I'm sure you wrote that with adults in mind and not children so much in mind, but I'm sure that there are messages in that book that we as grandparents can teach our children at a very young age. And I'm sure you are teaching yours.

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Many of us deal with defiant grandchildren.

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What can you share with the readers about the message in that book that we can translate to our grandchildren? So I think one of the key things that comes up top of mind for me, Laura, is the thought of, I wrote this book primarily for someone like me, somebody that respects, respects parents and grandparents, but also struggles. If you have a different opinion from those who raise you, where you want to try to find the right balance between being truthful with how you truly feel about something and feeling comforted in a way that the way you approach it with somebody in authority or someone that is older than you or somebody that has had a significant bearing on raising you, how do you do in a way that is not just not disrespectful, but is also one that you can build a relationship with that person? Because the truth of what I've learned is that when I come across different thoughts or viewpoints or perspectives that are different from my parents or my grandparents, I used to just keep it to myself.

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I used to just say, hey, well, I can't share that with somebody else or with my grandmother, with my grandfather, because I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to make things awkward between us. I don't want to engender conflict. I don't want to risk somebody potentially not loving me because I see things differently. Right. And we just talked about autism not too long ago as far as, like, some. Something that was inherent with me was that I just went about things differently from other people.

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So it's almost like, if I can't do that with other people that I love, then how do I actually live and just be authentic to myself and just be Philip, you know? And so I think that as much as I wrote that book for the person that I used to be that I wish I had when I was growing up, to answer your question, I think it's very helpful because, you know, whether it's defiant grandchildren or grandchildren that just want to do the right thing and do right by their grandparents, even if you come across generational differences in the way they think, in the way they believe, or even the way they vote, the question still remains, okay, how do you navigate that potential disagreement within your family? It's not an easy one. And when you turn on the television or you go on social media, there is a way of being that's being propagated and taught, even indirectly, of how do you go about disagreements? That is not healthy.

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It's actually rude, antagonistic. It might be laced with four letter words, and it may have no sense of respect or honor for those who came before you, let alone those who love you. And so the thought that comes to my mind is, is there a way we can navigate inevitable disagreement with those we love? That's also cushioned by the belief that, as my mom taught me, just because I disagree with you, Philip, that does not mean that I don't love you, because what often comes with that, too, Laura, is the thought that you have a lot of people, particularly grandchildren, that may say, hey, for you to love me, grandmother, or for you to love me, granddaddy, you have to affirm me. You have to believe in what I say. You have to agree with it.

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It's contingent. Your love is contingent on that. But that's a lie that's being propagated that a lot of people are believing. But on the flip side, we have to also go on the offensive and share with people, even if I don't see eye to eye with you. Even if I disagree with what you did or what you said, I still love you, Laura. I still respect who you are. That doesn't change my love for you as my grandchild.

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Two things can be true. I can love you and I can disagree with you. And if anything else, we just talked about the importance of having more intimate conversations with people.

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You get to know somebody over time. I can guarantee you two things are going to happen. You're going to find some things you agree with them on and you're going to find some things you disagree with them on. So the question is not whether or not there will be disagreement. The question will be how will your relationship move forward with those disagreements going forward? And you have a great five step framework for respectful disagreement in your book. Disagree without disrespect.

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And I know that we can purchase that both on Amazon and through your website, correct?

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Yes@philipblackett.com. dot yes. Okay. I'm going to share those links in the episode description as well because I skimmed through that book and I thought it was a great outline and was transferable to a child as well as to an adult. You grew up without a father, and I know you talk about your grandmother being a great influence in your life, who were the greatest influencers in your life and why and how did those relationships shape your professional and personal journey? So along with my grandmother, I definitely have to include my grandfather and my mother as far as the three most pivotal figures in my life. And unfortunately, it doesn't include my father. It's not that he died early or move somewhere that couldn't reach him at all like he still lives. We just don't have a great relationship. It's been on and off for a long time, since growing up as a child. And for somebody that's growing up, whether you're on the autism spectrum or not, what many children need, whether or not they know it or not, is consistency. They need to know that for somebody that they're going to trust of who they are, faults and all that, they're going to be there. It's not going to be here one season and out the other. You're going to be there day to day, season after season, year after year. And so I think for those three that I highlighted earlier, that was what was significant for me, because as you're trying to learn what life is about growing up, you need to find people you feel safe to be vulnerable in front of to ask questions that may sound silly upon first impression, but you're in a place where you feel protected, not just physically, but in a place where you're surrounded by the right principles for you to grow up into a young man or a young woman.

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And those three provided that for me. Do you remember feeling that it was difficult for them? You had siblings? I do, yep. So all of your brothers and sisters were raised with you? So my sister was, and I also have a step brother. Both of them are younger. And do you remember your grandparents or your parents saying that it was hard. Do you remember feeling that it was difficult for them to do what they were doing? I think to some degree. I mean, I think it's often one of those things that there probably were conversations being had amongst adults that this kid wasn't going to be privy to. Right.

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And then as I got older, you know, my grandparents passed away probably at least ten years ago.

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So you can't really have those type of reflections now, but I would imagine, yeah.

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You know, I truly believe that, you know, growing up, follow this. Something I wouldn't wish on anybody, because what it does is it causes a huge void for someone to try to figure out how to fill. And even if you have help from other people, like your parents, as far as, like my mother is concerned, there's only so much they can do. There's only so much they can cover for, let alone, you know, this significant, if I want to call it burden, you're laying on one parent to try to take care of not just one, but multiple kids, you know? So I would imagine among the three of them, yeah, there probably were conversations being had of sharing stories where, you know, they've struggled, where they wish things were different and they struggle with the fact that things were difficult compared to what it could have been or how it should have been.

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You speak about how fatherlessness, you believe our biggest crisis to solve in our culture and society. Can you tell me why you feel that way and what you think can be done about it?

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Yeah. So I think about it from the standpoint, lord, generational legacy, even going back to grandparents. Right. Your grandparents are teaching their children how to become young men and young women so that when they become parents, they're going to hopefully teach and pass on some of those teachings to essentially their grandkids. And you repeat the same cycle and what is, dare I say, required to do that, even though clearly there's an example of where it doesn't have to be. But it probably really helps to have two parents participating in that transfer of knowledge, of principles, of foundation, love, of confidence, of identity to the children. And part of the challenge I have is that if someone's growing up fatherless, as I mentioned before, that's a significant portion of who you are that's not in the picture. Like, half of you is not present. And so the thought that comes off is that, you know, I'm not all my mother. I'm my mother and my father, but my father isn't here. Well, how do you make sense as far as who you are, what you're here to do, what's my purpose, how do I react or relate to one another?

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And half of who you are is a big question mark now. So inevitably, you're going to search for answers that may come from within your family. Hopefully it does.

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But I would also imagine in today's world, and previously, you're gonna look outside the home, you're gonna look on what's on tv, what you listen to music, what do you interact with on social media, like, all these different influences that significantly outpace the influence within your house, in your family of people trying to figure out those questions related to who I am and what your identity is. It's almost to the point, I would say, laura, it makes me think, if you had to ask yourself, what would life be like if you didn't have not just an earthly father, but if you didn't have a heavenly father, like, how would you go about life, Laura, if you had no idea that a heavenly father exists?

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My father was pretty non existent in my life until I was much older. So I didn't trust men. I turned to other things to fill that need of a parental unit, the way two people did disagree or the way people worked things out. I couldn't see that that didn't happen in my life.

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It was either very unhealthy or it was non existent, but I knew it was out there, hadn't experienced it. Jesus couldn't mean anything because I didn't trust men. So how could I trust Jesus if I didn't trust men, right? But I had an experience that changed all that.

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So from then on, I had to build my concept of what a relationship was between a man and a woman and someone that you could have faith in. So, yes, if you don't have a father, how can you believe in a heavenly father? Right? And to your point too, Laura, and so this hits personal for me, what you were sharing, because I have daughters, twin daughters, seven years old, literally downstairs right now. And I look at it in the sense, like there's a huge level of responsibility on my end as a father, because the way they approach other men is first prefaced by their relationship with me. I would imagine who they look for as far as a potential husband is going to play a big role based off of is that person going to be more like their father or less like their father? Depending on the memories they have of being raised by me and their mother. How men should relate to other women is going to be predicated on how I treat and love their mother and what they see and what they hear and what they experienced. So if they didn't have good memories of that, to your point, it doesn't lead a lot of optimism of what they feel like they can experience outside the home when they get older. And also, I would say, too, I'm very thankful that you have your relationship with Jesus, Laura, because it helps remind me of the fact that, you know, men and women. But, yeah, humans were flawed. That's why Jesus had to come into the world, because of sin. We didn't have it right. We didn't make the right moves, we didn't make the right calls. We didn't believe in the right things. And that inflicted damage not just on ourselves, but on other people. And what you experienced was people being sinful.

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That hurt you. And it was unfortunate because that was never supposed to be the intent of it to begin with. And I'm thankful for Jesus being the only perfect man that's walked this earth that we can actually rely on in spite of all the imperfections that surround us. And we can still have hope in him.

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Yeah. What steps do you think that communities and individuals can take to address the issue of fatherlessness? So I think it's definitely multifaceted. I think that a big part of it is how do we address the missing element of the equation?

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Right. The father. Is there a way that we can be supportive to help the father engage more with his family for future fathers? Can we help prepare them for what is in front of them so they don't feel hesitant or scared or frightened out of their responsibilities now?

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Right. So there's definitely an aspect as far as, like, addressing the father himself, either proactively or reactively. And then there's another part where you have to look at it as far as the support system for the child and for the mother, because what was the original intention of the family from the very beginning was the husband, wife and the kids together.

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So if one is out of the picture, both sides need support, the missing father and the mother and the kids left behind.

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How do we help either bring them back together again or try to help support and love and cover them as a community. That's what comes up top of mind for me. Yeah, that's a whole topic of conversation in an episode in itself, I think. Absolutely. Because it's a big question for many grandparents when people may be angry at a child for leaving or angry because they've chosen a path that a grandparent can't understand and we still want the grandchildren to have a relationship with them. Oftentimes I see people asking me that question, should I still let the kids see their parents even though they're doing drugs or involved with people that we don't want them to be around?

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It's a sensitive subject and a difficult one to address, but I do believe that even when my grandchildren are able to talk to their parents when they are available, that it's important because they need to know, they need to have some kind of relationship. And there is a lot of support that is difficult for us to give. When our emotions get involved, there's vindictiveness and anger that prevents that communication from happening. I understand it from both sides. I do.

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But I agree, if it can be had and if it can be done, it's important.

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Your mission encompasses fostering growth and God's people, God's businesses and God's kingdom. Can you elaborate on how you achieve this in the work you do today? So a good part of it is conversations we're having here today, right? How to help grow God's people, right, as believers and as nonbelievers, just be able to share the good news about Jesus Christ and the benefits of having a relationship with him for the rest of your life, both now and in eternity afterwards, we talk about families. Like, that is the first structure that God provided us. So being able to talk about the importance of not just fathers in the home, but also the importance of grandparents in the community, is a part of growing God's people, growing God's kingdom, especially, you know, sharing traditions, sharing values and beliefs, from grandparents to parents to kids or grandkids and to grandkids and great grandkids. It should be something that's carried on from generation to generation. And the moment that it's nothing, then what happens is that everything that grandparents and great grandparents had done before now is a distant memory. Now it's something that people are unaware of in future generations. Like, I didn't know they believed in that. I didn't know that this was important to them. Why? Because my parents didn't teach me that why?

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Because my grandparents didn't teach me that right. So there is a. There is an ongoing transfer, ongoing legacy that even grandparents have a significant responsibility for. Because using me as an example, my grandparents have been away, they've been passed away for over ten years, but yet instill, there's certain things that are instilled with me that I'm working on, imparting on to my kids with the goal of when they have kids and I become a grandparent, that they continue that as well. And then when I'm no longer here, it's still an important part of who they are or what's important to them as far as the memory of who their father or their grandfather was, that they keep that transfer going from one generation to another. Grandparents that are raising grandchildren, many of them grieve over the fact that they can't just be the grandparent that the grandkids get to come to on the weekends, where they can spoil them a little and give them dessert for breakfast and do all those things that my grandmother did for me. It's an interesting social issue that we have with this growing number of grandparents raising grandchildren.

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It's challenging at times for my husband and I, but I think that's understandable because that's what we are. We're being both parents, modern day parents, having to understand modern day issues with raising grandchildren in today's world and also being grandparents. How do you manage all your diverse roles and passions?

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Listen, I think every day that I've been blessed to be here, I look at it in the sense of how do I be a good and faithful steward of all that God has blessed me with and has put on my plate to take care of. I think it's helpful to have a simple minded purpose divided into three as far as grow God's people, grow God's businesses, grow God's kingdom. And what that means on any particular day may be different, but if I'm having some sort of North Star, we'll say of what this is all about, then it gives purpose and intention behind what I do. You know, like something as simple as making sure that my kids have lunch, as far as, like, one having cornbread and strawberries and another one having cornbread and bananas and make sure they have water and stuff like that. Like, I'm growing God's people that way. Like me being on the show with you and imparting, you know, what's been helpful for me, that hope can be helpful for other people. You know, it's trying to help people grow and be better than they were yesterday.

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Because oftentimes, if you can keep it as simple as how can I be better today than how I was yesterday, that's progress. And that's what keeps people going oftentimes, when they see that progress and that growth and a reason for being.

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And so even in the sense, as far as raising grandchildren for grandparents, you know, there's a reason for being, for sure, because your grandkids need something that they may not be able to get from their parents at this time.

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But we can't just stop and say, oh, well, that's not our problem.

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You know, we step in. We step up, and in some sense, by taking care of the most vulnerable, you know, the widows and the orphans is what we're called to do as christians, and in particular, our grandchildren can be orphans. Losing one, if not both parents, or having one or both parents being inactive and not present, you're doing God's will that way as grandparents. And so how can I help foster that and encourage that? I think that's part of what God wants me to do, too. Thank you.

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That is a great way of putting it. And I can't think of anything more important that I could be doing right now than what we're doing. Absolutely. Thanks so much for your time, Philip. It's been great getting to know you, and I wish you many blessings in your work and what you're doing and for your family. Please tell your two little girls and your beautiful wife that I appreciate the time that you gave to me today and to our listeners. Absolutely. Thank you so much for the opportunity to speak with you, Laura. I had a great time with this conversation and hope it's helpful for your audience. Absolutely. Going forward.

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Thanks so much for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren. Nurturing through adversity. I encourage you to share your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear.

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You can submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. If you enjoyed this show, please share it with a friend that needs to hear. And if you love the show and you're listening on a broadcasting platform like Apple or Spotify, just scroll down in your app and please leave us a review. Navigating the ups and downs of pre teens and tech got you feeling lost? Well, don't worry, we've got your gps. Join us as we chat with social scientist and author extraordinaire Jessica Spears she's dishing out wisdom on everything from mastering the friendship pyramid to keeping kids safe in the digital wild west. Tune in for a dose of humor, heart, and hardcore practical advice.

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Don't miss this next episode of grandparents raising grandchildren, your roadmap to raising thriving, well adjusted kiddos in the modern world. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents. Raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.

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Peace be with you, and I pray. That you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.