7 Strategies for Helping Kids Heal Through Play Therapy

WEBVTT

00:00:01.040 --> 00:00:11.449
In this episode of grandparents raising grandchildren, we sit down with Anastasia arouse, a seasoned play therapist and family coach.

00:00:12.390 --> 00:01:05.230
Anastasia shares her incredible journey from being a 6th grade teacher to becoming a beacon of hope for families. Navigating trauma and behavioral challenges, she delves into the transformative power of play therapy, the importance of emotional literacy, and the role of educational systems in addressing social emotional needs. Join us as we explore insightful strategies for creating healthier family dynamics and hear inspiring success stories that emphasize resilience and connection. Whether you're a grandparent stepping into a parenting role or a caregiver wanting to make a meaningful impact, this episode is packed with practical advice and heartfelt wisdom. Don't miss it.

00:01:09.170 --> 00:01:57.790
Welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

00:02:00.129 --> 00:02:18.030
We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

00:02:19.169 --> 00:02:28.509
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

00:02:35.810 --> 00:02:50.740
Before we dive into today's conversation, let me share a quick, personal story that brings us to our guest. A couple of years ago, my own granddaughter faced some challenges at school that left her feeling disconnected and overwhelmed.

00:02:51.080 --> 00:03:44.530
As a grandparent, all I wanted was to help guide her through those tough times and ensure she felt supported and understood. It's moments like these that led me to discover the invaluable work of experts like Anastasia arrows. Her insights and dedication to help children and families navigate emotional challenges truly resonates with me. That's why I'm beyond thrilled to have Anastasia join us on today's episode. And in our discussion, we'll explore the transformative power of play therapy, the importance of social emotional learning, and practical techniques to support our grandchildren in fostering resilience and emotional well being. So, whether you're a grandparent raising a grandchild, or simply looking for ways to better connect with the young ones in your life, today's episode promises to offer you a wealth of wisdom and strategies.

00:03:45.740 --> 00:03:53.156
Anastasia's professional background is in education and counseling and now she's a play therapist.

00:03:53.348 --> 00:06:07.307
As I told Anastasia, play therapists were an essential part of our experience with therapy when we became legal guardians of our two grandchildren. She's done some very interesting things and I'd like to ask you about your progression, Anastasia, from being an elementary school teacher to a family counselor and now to a registered play therapist. Anastasia, I'd love for you to tell our listeners a little bit about your educational background and what made you choose the path of play therapist. Yeah, it's so interesting. I went to school, I went to college and got my elementary education teaching degree and I ended up teaching 6th grade, which wasn't even in my plan. But because of the way licensure works, it was kindergarten through six and I got a job as a 6th grade teacher and we loved it. And I did that for about five years. And then I realized I needed to do more for the kids, talking to them, more necessary about their issues or the things that are going on in their lives and enjoying that more than the teaching part. I was teaching math and science, which I like that too, but I really liked getting to know the kids and their background and just trying to help them with home. I worked at some inner city schools and that's when I realized I was working in Durham, North Carolina, at an inner city school, working with some really tough kids that had some really tough family situations. And we were spending so much time in class redirecting behavior, talking about things going on at home that a lot of times the math would come second and it wasn't. I was supposed to be teaching math, not talking about things going on at home. And that's when I realized I needed to go back to school and do counseling. So I was a school counselor for about nine years after that. And in the school counseling role, I loved it. I learned about play therapy just from, I think I had gone to the school counseling conference and somebody had done a lecture on it and I was like, I want to learn more about this. And so over that course of that nine years, I just started taking more and more of the classes and then decided I did not want to be a school counselor, I wanted to be a private therapist. So I got my license to be a private therapist and then at the same time did the play therapy. It's called registered play therapist. I did that certification for that.

00:06:07.444 --> 00:06:55.819
And so very intense coursework and then also just tons of supervision that you have to do. And now I'm working with families and helping them guide them through whatever they need. And it's been a great journey. So do you work in affiliation with schools? I do. So right now I do a lot of consulting. So I'm not in a public school system anymore. I work in private schools mostly, and I do some contracting work and I consult with teachers and principals. And so I'll go in now and do one on one therapy, coaching with kids. I'll do groups, I help with resourcing things out and teaching people just about play therapy or therapy and helping them find the resources they need so that I do some of everything now. And I'm curious, how has being a play therapist affected your view of education?

00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:01.057
Yes, it has, actually. That's a great question. Yes.

00:07:01.113 --> 00:07:15.762
So when I have a son, he's eleven. But through play therapy, I learned that kids and children are brilliant just on their own, and we really need to follow their lead in so many ways.

00:07:15.906 --> 00:07:34.668
And so as I was getting ready to put him in school, I learned about Montessori education. So he ended up doing Montessori from preschool all the way through third grade. And the reason I really, really like that is because one of their mottos is follow the child. So through play therapy, I really learned just that.

00:07:34.843 --> 00:07:50.012
The traditional education system is really, really tough for some kids and we're not allowing them to necessarily find their gifts and talents or allowing them the space they need to learn to read or the time they need to learn to read. And so that's how I found Montessori.

00:07:50.036 --> 00:08:00.689
And I was like, this matches so well with what my beliefs are. How did it shape your perspective on the challenges that are faced by children and families?

00:08:01.310 --> 00:08:04.449
And how do you address these challenges in your work?

00:08:04.910 --> 00:08:56.240
It helps me in all these years that I've been working, I've seen so many different types of families and different ways of people raising their kids and different traumas that children have been through, everything from death or divorce or transition and moving, or dads being deployed, moms being deployed. I have just seen that it's so amazing how resilient they are and how quick they are to recover from things that take us a lot longer as adults. And through that, I've been able to really help families be able to help their children get what they need quicker by sharing information or resources or teaching them how to repair quickly through an event at school or at home or just anything, friendship, things like that.

00:08:56.980 --> 00:09:00.440
Do you have a methodology when you meet a child?

00:09:01.259 --> 00:09:58.313
Of course, to get some feedback from the parents on what might be going on in their life that would cause them to need a play therapist how do you go about evaluating that child and where their priorities are or their needs from you as a play therapist? Yeah, it's really just through play. Right. So usually I'll have the parent. I'll talk to the parent first, learn kind of what's going on in their family, and then with the children. It's so easy for me just to sit with them and allow them to just play. And they. I don't ask questions typically. It's really just holding space for them initially when I meet them, just holding a lot of space and meeting them where they are, allowing them to lead in the play, and they're going to share within the first 20 minutes exactly what they need. Not even necessarily with words, but just by being there, I can tell. I think it's a gift I have. Sometimes it's just organically, I can really feel into what.

00:09:58.361 --> 00:11:25.306
What is needed for that child. They'll tell me too verbally if they have the words to, but a lot of times it can be just through the play and what they're doing with the toys. Do you think sometimes we as parents, force the process of working with a child instead of following that natural instinct of trusting that they are intelligent enough to share with us how and when they want to communicate and what they want to communicate? Yeah, and I'm even guilty of that, too. It's so hard. I'll catch myself not allowing my son to have the space he needs sometimes because we just want to jump in so much and help them or save them or make them feel better or teach them and not giving them that chance to just figure it out themselves, we might not want them to hurt or that we don't want them to have to experience the challenge of it, but a lot of times, that's what they need. And I do think we do that as parents sometimes, and it's hard. What's a simple exercise that you could suggest to us as parents if we think our children are struggling with anything? School, friends, personal? Yeah. Yeah. So the first thing I always talk to parents about is really allowing that space and so less words. I think we tend to talk a lot, so really less words. Allowing them to start using feeling words and you using feeling words in daily conversation.

00:11:25.378 --> 00:13:15.004
So I usually start with feelings, honestly, I'll give parents a paper with all the different feeling spaces. Put it on your fridge, just let it be there, don't say a lot about it. And kids will be drawn to that, and they'll start talking to you about that. It sounds so simple and not really related to what you're asking, but that's what we start with. A lot of times it's just getting those feeling words on the fridge so everybody can see them and really starting to use those in conversations. Because a lot of times what happens with kids is if they are struggling with something, the first thing is they need to be able to express how they're feeling. And it might come out in words. It might come out in sounds which we want kids to be able to verbalize so we can understand. So really helping identify what the feelings are. And then from there, you can start working on some other aspects. I know this might sound terrifically simple, but is it a good thing, like at the beginning of the day, while you're having breakfast with your kids, to say, how are you feeling today? You can, if you have a child that wants to do that, sometimes kids do not want to talk about that. It's really, really hard for them. Or they don't want to talk about school when they get home. And you want to know everything you're doing. Yeah, exactly. So sometimes if I have a child that I'm working with, I'll ask, how are you feeling today? And they don't want to tell me. I'll just say, do you want to know how I'm feeling? And then they'll want to talk about you a lot of times more than they want to talk about themselves. So I'm feeling kind of sad today, or I'm feeling happy today. This made me happy. And then maybe you might be able to say, did anything make you happy today? Did anything make you sad today? But allowing them to maybe find out more about how you're feeling, that might help. But a lot of times asking them directly is really tough for some kids because they feel put on the spot, and then they feel like they need to answer it in a certain way, or you might be looking for something and they don't know and they don't want to disappoint sometimes. Yeah.

00:13:15.052 --> 00:13:46.429
Interesting. I really do think it's a gift to do what you do. Another thing you can do is say, I notice that you are really enjoying your cereal today. It looks like it's making you happy or something like that. And then they're going to tell you if they're not enjoying it, I'm not enjoying it. So that's another way to do it, is I notice. I notice your eyes look very happier. I noticed that you look tired. And that's a different way of saying. Instead of asking, that's that's great advice. I know that you're coaching families right now. Yes.

00:13:47.009 --> 00:15:31.759
On healthy mindsets and balanced family systems. How do you approach doing that with families in schools? It's, it's, I mean, it's challenging for some families and so I really help them and meet them where they are. I do it through individual coaching where we'll meet once a week and then we also have a group coaching that we do. But I really like to help them set a system in place for their family to get some sort of consistency, some sort of system working in their house to bring everyone to a baseline safety and not that anybody's getting hurt or things like that, but just that organic safety of the nervous system, feeling calm. So many homes are very chaotic and there isn't a lot of systems in place. So we really start off with just coming up with routines, even if it's just like a morning routine, breaking the day up into three parts and just starting with a morning. And some families that's very, very difficult because the parents aren't really able to even come up with a routine. So me just helping them just get to a baseline of let's start with a morning routine and from there we just build on that. And that can be from everything, from creating actual signs that you're going to put in your house of like we're going to do this from 730 to 830 or just talking about it or creating a calendar. Interesting. Since you've expanded your expertise into coaching, what role do you think education has to play in this cycle of generational trauma? And how can parents and schools work together to create a more positive impact on children's mental health in general? That's a great question.

00:15:32.580 --> 00:16:30.207
So I think a lot of times the schools are so focused on the educating part of reading, writing, math, all that kind of stuff that we forget how much of the social emotional needs to be taught still because it might not be happening at home. And so really keeping those school counseling programs very active in schools and I know a lot of them are being cut right now in public education and then a lot of the private schools don't necessarily value it as much. And so they don't even have a school counselor, they don't have a person in the schools. So I would say if they don't have the funding, really just educating the teachers and creating a space for in the classroom of teaching that social emotional, teaching those skills in class that give the kids a chance to learn them because if they're not learning them at home and they're not being taught at school. They're not learning just how to play or the feelings and being able to verbalize how they're feeling.

00:16:30.344 --> 00:17:43.069
So I do think there needs to be a space for that. And it makes me very sad that the way, especially public education, has been just funded recently and how much it's changed over the years that I hope that part of the school counseling doesn't leave. I hope they continue to fund that piece of it. As parents, how difficult is it for us to have a voice in making those changes? I think it's so important, and I think it could be done. And I think as a parent, you don't realize how much power you have for your school. So I always say, really, getting in that school, the parent needs to be in the school. Get to know your teacher, get to know the principal, the vice principal, the counselor, and get to know them on a personal level where they know you also, and building that connection with them. Join the PTA, be in the classroom volunteering, because as you're doing that, they're going to want to hear your opinion more. They're going to want to talk to you more about what is going on. And then I think your voice can be heard more about the things that the school might need or how you can raise money to add a program in the through the community, things like that.

00:17:44.049 --> 00:21:05.602
Is there another source we can put pressure on to do that if we're not being listened to by the school itself? What's the best way to advocate? I guess you could go to the county level and work there. In my experience, the school level is fastest because usually the principals have a lot of say in what happens in their own schools. And if it's not happening in your school that you're districted. There's so many other options of education now for kids. I'm sure you have some wonderful success stories. Can you share with us a story about a way in which your counseling and your career have affected the life of a child or a family? Yeah, I'd love to do that. I have one family that I worked with for about three or four years. I met them when the child was going in kindergarten, and I stopped working with them when the child was finishing up third grade. What was so powerful about that relationship was that the parent was so involved. And that's what led me to do family coaching, really, because I would work with the child doing play therapy, and then the parent would always ask me questions. And I also allowed space as a therapist to meet with the parents and sometimes that doesn't happen with therapists, but I would always leave time or buffer my time so I could meet with the parent, share what I thought would be the best, and then anything I would tell her books I would recommend, resources I would give her, she would always implement them. And so through us working together with her, implementing what we would talk about in the session and then bringing her daughter regularly to the sessions, it was super successful. I also at one point got involved with the school because she needed an IEP and so I ended up helping just help the mom with language of what to use with the school. I helped her coordinate emails and how to advocate for herself and how to help her daughter be successful at school. Because what we were doing at home and in my office, the school wasn't really thrilled with because it takes extra resources. So the two of us had to work together to then create a plan to help her daughter at school, which worked great because we followed a plan. She worked with me and got everything she needed with her daughter and now she's doing great. I think she's in fifth grade now and she's doing amazing and wow. Yeah, it's been a great story. I find that as grandparents, naturally we want to leave some kind of a legacy for our grandchildren. And I can't imagine a greater one than helping these grandchildren survive through whatever trauma it is they're experiencing and having an opportunity to see a healthier life and live in a different paradigm than the one oftentimes that their parents have raised them in. Do you have any advice for grandparents on how to navigate the challenges of creating a healthier grand family system? I love that.

00:21:05.786 --> 00:21:23.692
I think all the things we've been talking about and especially using supports around you and educating yourself because you're going to have that challenge of just, you're not that natural parent. And so there's going to be challenges that arise with that. There's going to be challenges that arise with the traumas that had happened.

00:21:23.796 --> 00:22:07.655
So using the resources in your community, finding a support system to help you, because I've worked with grandparents too, and there's a lot of grandparents out there raising kids. So finding a support group that makes you feel like you're not alone and that you're doing the best you can, but really using the supports in your community with therapists, coaches, the school, and learning as much as you can about what that child needs or what those children need. So I know you have a website where you offer a free video that can be downloaded on how to teach kids gratitude and you offer online counseling as well as a couple of other courses.

00:22:07.807 --> 00:22:36.789
Can you tell us a little bit more about those resources and how our listeners can access those? Sure. I do have a website. It's anastasiaarousecoaching.com. and there's a resource on there to download a free worksheet on teaching gratitude, which gives you some activities and some ideas on how to help kids if they're struggling with understanding gratitude or just being gracious daily. I also have a lot of other free resources. I am pretty big on Instagram.

00:22:38.420 --> 00:23:16.279
Anastasia Aru is on there and so there's resources on there. I have a YouTube channel with a lot of different videos of how to manage behavior or how to manage technology in your home. And then the one other thing that I have, I have a group, it's called the Healthy Happy Family Group in Facebook. And so for August, we're getting ready to start a back to school series, which there will be a videos every week on ways to help your kids get back to school in a healthy way. Well, finally, what do you think gives you the greatest satisfaction in your work?

00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:23.019
And what are your hopes in the fields of educating and family coaching?

00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:26.900
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is knowing.

00:23:28.200 --> 00:24:07.769
That's something I've really been thinking about recently is knowing that. Knowing I have this gift and then I'm able to share with other people because I know that's why I'm here. It's just a natural thing that I have and just expanding on how I'm able to help more and more people. And so just like you do in this podcast, I have tried to expand and do things bigger to help more people because I felt like just doing it in my little office, I just felt this pull that like I needed to be in a bigger space, that I'm just able to really share what God has given me to help people. Well, I'm thankful for you and I'm excited to see what you're doing. And I looking forward to doing some more episodes with you. Yeah, that'd be great.

00:24:08.750 --> 00:24:19.693
Thanks Anastasia, for your time today and keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. I will. I will. And thank you so much for having me.

00:24:19.701 --> 00:25:44.920
And I love that this podcast you're doing as well. I think it's great. Thank you. So, to summarize today's insightful episode, we delved into the world of practical play therapy and explored exercises that grandparents can utilize to support their grandchildren's growth and healing. Some key takeaways include displaying a paper on the fridge with various feelings for children to connect with encouraging dialogue by sharing your own feelings if a child is hesitant to express theirs establishing simple routines to foster a healthy family dynamic advocating for a shift towards prioritizing social and emotional education in schools to enhance children's mental well being. And please be sure to visit anastasia's website@anastasiaarousecounseling.com for valuable resources and engage with her on instagram. Don't miss out on joining her healthy, happy Family Group on Facebook for further insights and community support. Look for the links in the episode description. Thanks so much for joining us today for another episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity I encourage you to share your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear.

00:25:45.619 --> 00:26:19.049
You can submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. If you enjoyed this show, please share it with a friend that needs to hear. And if you love the show and you're listening on a broadcasting platform like Apple or Spotify, just scroll down in your app and please leave us a review. I hope you'll join us next week as we join speech pathologist and author Jeanine Tang.

00:26:19.470 --> 00:27:20.019
In this episode, Jeanine shares innovative techniques for fostering language development in children by mindfully under anticipating their needs and creating playful moments of learning. Discover how these strategies not only boost a child's confidence and communication skills, but also enhance caregiver child interactions. Whether you're a grandparent, parent, educator, or caregiver, this episode is packed with valuable wisdom and actionable advice that can transform your approach to engaging with children. I hope you join in on this fascinating discussion that promises to equip you with the tools to help the young ones in your life thrive. Tune in next week for episode 28 of grandparents raising grandchildren. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity remember, you are not alone.

00:27:20.680 --> 00:27:36.920
Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.