Surviving caregiving- 60 Second Burnout Recovery Methods

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Join us today for this inspiring episode of surviving burnout recovery. 60 seconds at a Time with Carrie Severson. Discover how Carrie's powerful journey through her husband's cancer diagnosis highlights the resilient needed not just for patients, but also for the caregivers who support them. This episode offers invaluable insights into the unique challenges faced by grandparents raising grandchildren that are balancing the dual responsibilities of caregiving. Carrie shares her heartfelt story of receiving her husband's life altering cancer diagnosis and how her world came to a standstill. Learn how she developed a robust support team encompassing medical, psychological and spiritual elements to navigate this challenging time.

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So whether you're directly impacted by cancer or you find yourself in a caregiving role, this episode is packed with wisdom and practical tips for building a community of support and ensuring self care. So tune in and be inspired by Carrie's journey of strength, hope and love.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued and your journey is honored.

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I believe that Carrie's deeply personal story will resonate with many of you. Whether it's cancer burnout or childcare burnout, we can all relate. The first six months of caring for my two grandchildren who had experienced trauma and faced developmental and behavioral issues were incredibly overwhelming. I found myself struggling to keep up and felt the shadows of burnout creeping in. But then everything started changing when I discovered some invaluable caregiving burnout tips 60 seconds at a time Our lives can be transformed the way we approach caregiving. Stay tuned as we delve into these life saving strategies and explore the importance of building a supportive team emotionally, medically and spiritually. So whether you're a grandparent raising grandchildren or or facing caring for a loved one, this episode is filled with insights and hope to help you through this journey.

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Carrie and I came into our positions as caregivers in different ways. And yet we have so many similarities that I'm looking forward to discovering in this conversation. But Carrie, why don't you tell us about your journey and what led you to write your memoirs about caregiving?

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Well, I've always been a writer.

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I've been a professional storyteller for 30 years.

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My journey into being a storyteller started a long time ago. I was in college. I wanted to change the way media portrayed women. And so I was always out looking for great female stories to put in the spotlight and emphasis.

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And I ended up creating a nonprofit a long time ago. It was a bullying solutions organization for young girls. And I burned out as a result because the demand for it was everywhere. It was a bullying girl on girl bullying after school program launched in Arizona and grew it nationally. I wrote my first memoir was about my burnout experience because of my entrepreneurship, and that was published in 2022. And it caught this wave of burnout and, you know, post Covid and a lot of corporate women called my book a mental health book. And I was asked to come in and speak to Fortune 500 employees about burnout recovery. So I learned a lot about burnout through my own personal experience.

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Entrepreneurship burnout was very different than anything I experienced prior to that.

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But in 2023, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and I went from being an entrepreneur leading burnout recovery workshops for hundreds and thousands of people, to his advocate and caregiver.

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Literally overnight, he had head and neck cancer. It was pretty severe and really nasty.

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Very grueling schedule of radiation and chemo. But because of where his they called it a tumor cluster. It started at the base of his hairline and ran down to his collarbone. He couldn't eat or drink. And so consistently, you know, doing everything I can to get him proper nutrition, fighting with the hospital itself. Caregiving burnout was very different than then entrepreneurship burnout.

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And it really was a matter of life or death, where entrepreneurship burnout is something that most entrepreneurs don't recognize they're in, but keep themselves in because they're stuck in that rat race and don't know how to get out. And caregiving Burnett was more like if I stopped driving him to therapy, if I stopped advocating for him, if I didn't force him to get a feeding tube, there would have been a very different outcome.

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I being a storyteller, the only way I was able to really process that trauma was writing about it. And So I used CaringBridge, a platform for caregivers.

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I used that throughout my experience caring for Him.

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And I often said, like, someone needs to write a book about caregiving from a marital perspective. What is it like caregiving for your spouse, fighting with your spouse to provide care for him. And, you know, and people were always like, oh, you should write your. You should write the book. You should write the book. So at the end of our experience, I was like, you know, I think I will. And so I just finished that memoir, which hopefully is released next year, is. That I saved you do the dishes. Love your caregiver.

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Yeah. Yeah. When I did research, when I did some focus groups, a common theme in a lot of caregiving groups, particularly when you're working with your spouses, that.

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That chore, home responsibility. And, you know, there's. There can easily be some resentment in that space and anger, you know, losing your identity and the disease itself. And.

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But, yeah, I. The name came out before I realized it, and I shared it with an editor and an agent, and they were both like, you know, this is.

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You can kind of laugh at it, but it seems to fit. Tell us about some of the differences in what you come up against as far as burnout goes, taking care of a family member. Well, you know, obviously, we're in the same household, and so trying to find that place of peace and making sure that we're, you know, it wasn't, you know, always a hot spot or an uncomfortable place.

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Like, he needed. He needed a calm place to restore, but so did I. And constantly walking that line, particularly when you're dealing with a disease that had as many. What's the word I'm looking for? Had.

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You know, he had this side effect where he would throw up ropes of mucus and blood clots. So it was high panic a lot of times, and doing what I could to provide that quiet and that place of still having a nurturing environment was really important. And I think that took a lot of extra energy from me. So when he would. I actually adopted, like, the newborn philosophy. When he would rest, I would rest.

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Whether I would actually be able to sleep or simply just stay still and, you know, focus on my breathing. Yeah, but I think, you know, there are so many family caregivers in the United States, and a lot of us are in the same situation where we're living with the person that we're caring for and finding that balance of support. And yet, like, I don't want to use the word authority, but, like, if he, like, refused to eat or if he refused, you know, staying on top of all of those kind of components, but then also providing that nutrient environment. I mean, it's a lot.

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It's a lot. I can identify with that because it's not dissimilar than the roles that we're playing as grandparents to these children that have emotional, behavioral, physical issues. It's tough to be the person who loves them and also be the person who is looking out for their best interests.

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Yeah, yeah, it was.

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We. One of the things I did, I. I try to control the situation in the beginning, and that was my coping mechanism. So, like, I got a whiteboard and like, color coded all the appointments and then got a separate whiteboard just for timing purposes. Because he was on so many drugs and he was supposed to stay at a specific calorie goal every day. And once he got closer to needing the feeding tube, you know, we were looking at like, days without food, days without water.

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Once the feeding tube came, then it became a whole different issue where I. I had to hand feed him every three hours. It was nuts. And if he, you know, we would be in public and I'd be like, okay, we, we have to sit here. I've got to feed you so that we get. We stay on track so that you don't get sick. And coping was something I did, you know, trying to control it. I definitely coped.

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But keeping his best interest at. In the forefront was really the main priority. And, you know, I say a lot of times it was the cancer show for the majority of the year. You know, how did he react to all of that? It was so hard for him, not having any real control over, you know, what he put in his body, where he was.

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He really fought against it and wanted to say in his own health care and, you know, but when you're dealing with a specific disease like that, that.

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And, you know, we were sold into the hospital network. We were told his. His radiation and chemo was going to be very specific to him, but it really wasn't. It was pretty standard. That was really hard for him. He wanted, you know, his own personal health care plan.

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And, you know, it's so. It's challenging. Healthcare and caregiving in the states is. Needs a lot of work, needs a lot of attention. Seems to be a very broken system right now, and we kind of got caught in the middle of all that. Yeah. Tell us more about some of the challenges that you faced with the healthcare system. Well, in the beginning, we met with a team of people and chemotherapist, radiologist, even a surgeon for the possibility of them cutting out the tumors. But it was so close to his carotid artery that they couldn't. And we had a plan together. And, like, I get a phone call from the radiology department telling me that they scheduled him for all 40 sessions, but I haven't heard from the chemo department, even though we've already met with the team, we already agreed on the drugs, and I had to pretty much stalk that team and to find out that the chemotherapist no longer had space for him. And so they were trying to push him back, like, three weeks from a start date. So even from the beginning, even before we stepped foot into the first radiology session, I had to advocate for him to change protocols.

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Doctors, I didn't care. We weren't going to delay his treatment plan by another month because it took. He woke up October 28th with a lump on his neck and then didn't get diagnosed until November 28th and didn't start treatment until end of January. We weren't going to wait another month to start treatment because the thing was growing. It was like, vastly growing. So right out of the gate, we felt like we were uphill.

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And when you're dealing with, you know, I spent so long, the last couple years, I spent so long traveling the country and speaking to healthcare networks about burnout and caregiving fatigue, because healthcare professionals can have both. They can be in a place of. They're totally burnt out, and they have an apathy for their patients because they're so tired and that, you know, they're understaffed, they're overworked. So I saw burnout and everyone that was working with us, but I didn't. I was barely holding it together myself. I couldn't, like, pull them aside and be like, hey, this is what I actually do for a living. Here are some tips to help you be able to support my husband better.

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But we had to deal with a lot of egos. And when my husband really had a hard time with a few professionals, specifically, that were not putting his best interest above theirs, you know, snarky comments. One woman told us that we were making her job hard, laughed at Gavin, my husband, when he complained that she was putting him in pain. And so, you know, I said, oftentimes my plate is so full, I have no room on it for healthcare professional ego. And if I felt like we were having to smallen ourselves or apologize for something to support their ego, I removed them from his team.

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What would you say are some of the important messages that you have for advocacy and caregiving?

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Advocacy? You know, I thought I knew what healthcare Advocacy was until I got into that position where it requires. Oftentimes I felt like I was his manager. I felt like I was.

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I wasn't just the point person. I wasn't just his taxi chauffeur. I wasn't just his drug administer or his food supplier shoving food into his body. I was the person that when we disagreed on something, I spoke up. I asked questions that I think other people will just sort of go along with. If I didn't understand a word, I would ask for it, ask for a definition. I asked for different people if we didn't feel comfortable with them. I filed complaints when I felt like our care wasn't being.

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When we didn't have excellent care, I filed complaints. I got to the point and what. Was the response to that? We were actually given apologies. We were sent letters saying they recognized that the care we got was not the best.

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I joked a lot that I felt like there was probably big red arrows next to my name with like underlining and bold, you know, like, watch out for this lady. That's what I got. That's where I went. But you know what? If I didn't, he probably would have died because he required a feeding tube and he was not ready emotionally to get one when the conversation needed to happen.

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So let's say it was week four, conversation is approached, hey, we think we should have a consult for a feeding tube. He didn't want to hear it, but I still called, you know, accepted the phone call just to find out a little bit more about it.

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And he once had been able to get on the schedule for two months, but he needed it then, right? And so we go back to the hospital, talk to them again. Okay, now he's ready. It's week five. He accepts, he's ready, and get reprimanded from the staff about how we're making everyone's jobs complicated because it should have, you know, whatever.

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Even though they're so backed up, if we would have gone through their protocol and their process, he wouldn't have been able to get one in time. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to march him into the ER and we're just going to go get it. Had I not become a pain in their side, he would have died. So we finally get to the ER and the attending checking us in says, wow, you got here in the nick of time.

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So you have to. I mean, advocacy is the word that we use. But looking at it really like a manager, I mean, you are, you know, the boss lady in Charge. And yeah, we're responsible for our family's lives. Yes.

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And if you don't speak up about that, that's something you have to live with for the rest of your life. If you lost your husband, I'm sure, I mean, hindsight's 20 20, right? Your husband's doing well today. Yeah. Or better, I hope. Yep. We have a, he has a six month scope tomorrow where he has to have this machine put up his nose, down his throat to check on the, you know, the site. But he should be at this point, it's no tumors in his body, no cancer cells found, so. But it is fascinating how, you know, oftentimes in that experience I was like, I can't believe this. What is, this is what the healthcare system is like in America, or this is what caregiving is like. Like, how do people do anything else but this? Like, my life stopped and I, I have a good relationship with God. And so I was like, this is what I'm supposed to do right now. This is who I am. You know, this is who I am. This is what I'm supposed to do.

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My life, sole life purpose is to keep him alive. And that was a weird, that was a weird identity to sort of embody. And then once his treatment stops and the calls stop and the drugs stop and you're getting back into your real life, then it's like, okay, well now who am I? There is no going backwards. There is simply staying open to whatever presents itself next.

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And so, you know, that's one of the reasons why I wrote the book and why I'm looking forward to having more conversations like this. Because, I mean, there's so many family caregivers in the country and there's. Burnout is prevalent through. For most of us. I think in many ways it teaches us to listen to the really critical things in life. So as you say, I'm just coming out of the phase of being in the critical stage of transitioning with my grandchildren and getting them the proper team together.

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We now have a good team in place and I still have to juggle the nuances of that, but they're adjusting. The consistency makes a difference.

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I see it in the way they act and react.

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And they're healthier, they're on a good road. We're all on a good road.

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Caregiving, taking care of myself. I mean, I can't begin to tell you and you know, because you've been through it yourself, I remember feeling like I came up for air one day that I hadn't been breathing and it was. That's the best description I can give to it. I felt like I was underwater and came up for a breath of air when I actually had a tiny bit of perspective on what I could do to take care of myself and that if I kept going down that road I was going to begin to fall apart. And as caregivers, as mothers, you know, I think instinctively we are aware of those things, some more than others at different times. But regardless of that, I'm thankful that I'm not where I was two years ago. And yet now I still like yourself, am saying, who am I now? This is obviously becoming an advocate for what? For my cause is important to me and that hasn't changed.

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I have a little more breathing room to take the experience that I've just been through and say what do I want to do with that?

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You know, how do I increase advocacy for grandparents? How do I continue to create community just as you are? But it isn't any less important to me now than it was three years ago. Yeah.

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Well, let's talk about self care and what we experienced, what you experienced in your process. How did that change your perspective on how to take care of yourself?

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I used to be the person that would like, you know, get up early, spend hours on self care in terms of like meditating and journaling and enjoying the peace and quiet and stretching and you know, and then got married. I'm a bonus mom. And so all of that sort of changed into enjoying a cup of coffee, reading a tiny thing on some app and maybe writing two paragraphs, something or another in my journal. And so that sort of shifted and I've learned how to be really gentle with myself and changing some habits in terms of like, you know, talking to, talking to God or writing in my journal or meditating. All those things don't have to happen the second I wake up. They can be spread out throughout the day.

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Becoming a caregiver, I mean so his, the ropes of mucus that he would have to literally pull out of his mouth. I would, I would wake up out of a dead sleep. My body would respond because it was, I would hear him choking, immediate panic, immediate fight or flight.

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So my self care a lot of times was learning, leaning into and using the tools I knew on how to regulate and re regulate my emotional nervous system so that I didn't have to stay in fight or flight. So if I Woke up at 4am and I heard him choking, I would, you know, do everything I could to emotionally support him so he knew he wasn't alone. And when that passed, I would have to jump in the shower, take a cold shower, immediately decompress, and then rather than like go and sit in a corner of the couch or climb into bed, it was like, okay, what do I have to do this day? What do we have to do to move forward today?

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So it's very different. It was like micro, micro resets, you know, we're talking like 30, 60 seconds at a time. When he had chemo, I would do what I could to go for a walk because, you know, two hours. So I would, I would try to get out in the sunshine, go for a walk. And when he had radiation, 45 minutes, Monday through Friday, I would sit on the floor and I would stretch, I would move my body.

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Sometimes I would try to take a nap or I would let myself cry. But those were the things that I, I did to work on my nervous system, my mind and my physical body. And I gave myself a ton of grace. So it totally slowed down.

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And it wasn't so much about self care in terms of how am I trying to be healthier, how am I trying to, how am I trying to come out of something, how am I trying to change something about myself?

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It was through the lens of legit survival. How am I going to get through this hour, how am I going to get through the next 20 minutes? It really shifted. So it's interesting how these things bring lessons to us that we might not have learned otherwise. Right.

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What of this really difficult time that you've just come through? Have you applied to your everyday life that is a positive. Do you find particular issues that you cling to? Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, when I first burned out a decade ago, no one was really talking about burnout. Arianna Hoppington was talking about it, but I had already been through it and I already sort of found my way out of it. I started sharing my experience in burnout back in like 2015, 2016, before burnout was the word it is today. But back then I like took months hiatus and took a year to really lean into how am I going to recover and who am I going to be? And now because of that experience, sometimes my 60 second walk down the hallway was what I had between one appointment and another. And my breathing technique I used at the time was the only self care act I did that day. Now I look at burnout recovery as a 60 second act. It is these micro things we do throughout the day to help us come back to center, to help us move out of fight or flight to help us find a state of restoration.

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So in the blank space I have in the day to day, rather than try to shove one more thing in between the call, our call and another call, or between, you know, trying to pick up the kitchen between this appointment the other, I sit and I breathe or I grab my Kindle and I Decide to take 15 minutes and read something for pleasure.

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I am much softer on myself, much easier on myself and I give myself a lot more space to breathe. All good things. Yeah. What has it done for your self worth and your sense of peace? It's amazing what we're able to do as human beings.

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I did it. I actually gave myself an alter ego name.

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I called her the Spicy Viking.

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Love it. And that's who I grew into. That's who I became Spicy Viking.

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And I, I didn't know I had that in me. I didn't know I had that tone. I didn't know I had that strength. I didn't know I had that to, you know, I didn't know that she was in there. But she's always been there.

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I just had to be tested beyond any limit I had reckon recollection of.

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But you know, it's amazing what we're capable of doing when we're tested. And I mean I learned a tremendous amount about myself.

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There's definitely a deeper sense of worth of I don't allow if I have a negative thought about myself or about, you know, our situation in our life. I don't spend days dwelling on it. It is a slippery slope. I go down for maybe 15 minutes and then I'm like, wait a second. And I'm able to pull myself back up and my mental health is definitely clear. Sense of peace. I don't know about that one yet because I feel like I'm still in the recovery phase and leaning into how to create that more regularly in my life. And those are the things that I think I'm practicing of finding that peace.

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What do you do to create greater sense of self peace? When I'm on my walk in the morning, I'm very, I engage my senses so I'm very aware of the colors of the sensations I have of the smells.

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If I smell something really great, I will literally stop and like, oh my gosh, where's that coming from? And I allow myself to explore a little bit. Smell the roses. Yeah.

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And when I'm stretching afterwards, I make sure to actually stretch my body, which I feel like if my body is looser things just sort of, I have that deeper breath Work, work. While I am stretching, I do pray. I sit there and just allow myself to sort of be held by the universe there. And then I've actually just started talking about it more where I do have some lessons to share. I do have some wisdom to provide here. And so not trying to hide anything or be, you know, let that just sort of go by the wayside. Oh, yeah, we just did that.

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No big deal. Like, talking about it more allows me to bring up the emotions and sort of clear them, you know, anything that's sort of stuck. So I don't know about you, but I know that I found that just by speaking with others that are going through something similar because all of our stories are different, that me speaking about it helps them. There's the sharing, the community.

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It's empowering. Yeah, I agree.

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I do have some people that have been. That are going through it now and have reached out and being able to provide. Okay, well, this was. This is what I was doing at this point. The journey. This is where he was in this point in the journey.

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And head and neck cancer is more prevalent today than it's been in the past. And so more people are, you know, hearing about it. Yeah. And I found that when I was in the thick of it, I wanted more community around me. So I actually did reach out to a number of caregivers. And we had a thread going, just a text thread, and we would talk when we could. And, you know, I. This is what I need today. So we would share songs or funny images or funny stories, and those little pops really helped. Do you find any resistance or.

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I haven't yet, I guess, which I'm grateful for, that I've come in contact with has been really open, I guess, negative experiences with the same doctors, like sometimes, you know, like, I. We had one woman who had the same. You know, he didn't get surgery, but one woman in our network did work with that surgeon. And so she had a different experience, but same hospital network. But, yeah, so far, everyone's been very open, which is great. I'm a professional communicator, so more communication, the better. Yes, I agree with you.

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Well, thanks, Carrie. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Would you let us know where we can find your book and where your website is? Sure. Carrie seberson.com. my, unapologetically enough, you can find there. My burnout recovery journal is there. And I actually just came out with burnout recovery affirmation cards, which are really fun. Those are also there.

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Awesome. Great Christmas gifts. Yeah. Thank you thanks Carrie. Thank you.

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Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity.

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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Do your strong willed children seem to know exactly which buttons to push? Do you feel the heat rising inside when they respond in ways you never would have dared with your own parents?

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Well, you're not alone. We've all been there. Anger takes over. Patience runs thin and before you know it, you've lost it. Despite wishing for a better way, Kirk Martin is the founder of Celebrate Calm and the Calm Parenting Podcast. Kirk has helped me and thousands of other parents with their strong willed children. He shares transformative insights and practical strategies to help you stay cool, calm and collected even in the most challenging parenting moments. Discover how to turn frustration into empowerment and create the peaceful home environment you've always envisioned. Tune in next week to learn how to connect deeply with your strong willed child and find the calm amidst the chaos. Don't miss this chance to transform your parenting approach and build a stronger bond with your child. Thank you for tuning into Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you, and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.