3 Fun Self-Care Tips for Caregivers

Welcome back to "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren." In today's episode, we're diving into "3 Fun Self-Care Tips for Caregivers." I'm your host, Laura Brazan, and joining me is self-care coach extraordinaire, Jeanette Yates.
Jeanette Yates is a lifelong caregiver, Certified Life Coach, Yoga Instructor, Modern Mindfulness/Meditation teacher, and holds a Reiki Level 1 certification. As a founder of The Self-Caregiver, she has dedicated her life to helping caregivers prioritize their own self-care and avoid burnout.
Jeanette's signature program, The Empowered Self-Caregiver Cohort, helps caregivers develop sustainable self-care practices tailored to their unique needs and circumstances. Her approach combines self-awareness, self-advocacy, self-compassion, and self-care to help caregivers rediscover their worth and reclaim their time. https://theselfcaregiver.com/
Together, we'll explore the unique challenges faced by grandparents stepping into the role of primary caregivers, often due to traumatic family situations. Jeanette shares her invaluable insights on how to prioritize self-care amidst the chaos, emphasizing the importance of addressing your basic needs and embracing small, mindful moments throughout your day. With her personal experiences and practical advice, this episode is designed to help you reclaim your well-being and find joy in the little things. Tune in as we discuss overcoming emotional conflicts, setting boundaries, and nurturing your own health—because your self-care matters too!
Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.
We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.
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00:00 - Explore kinship care, support, and self-care podcast.
05:06 - Self-care is essential, listen to your body.
07:19 - Self care is essential, prioritize yourself.
11:18 - Grandmothers and grandpas played crucial caregiving roles.
16:33 - Caregivers sometimes feel trapped but have choices.
18:42 - Parenting changes with each generation and child.
21:09 - Effort pays off; self-care is essential.
25:31 - Game changer for me: two minutes, flossing.
27:05 - Self-care and nutrition are linked to trauma.
30:20 - Setting boundaries is crucial for personal well-being.
34:30 - Understanding neurodiverse children, supporting, thriving, expanding humanity.
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You've swallowed your lunch on the way to taking kids to school, therapy, or sports. You haven't had a moment to yourself for. Let me think, months. Unless you count falling asleep in front of the tv, you're beat by the time supper time comes and you barely have time to brush your teeth before you collapse into bed. Hey, your plants get more water than you do. Welcome to the life of a caregiver. But wait, you are guaranteed to laugh at your life when you listen to this episode of grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity with Jeanette Yates as she shares some really fun tips on how to take time for you. The caregiver welcome to grandparents raising grandchildren nurturing through adversity in this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a support community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
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I don't know about you, but everyone can tell me that I have to take care of myself before I do anyone else, but it kind of goes in one ear and out the other. I'll get around to me when I have time is what I say to myself, which is rarely. I know how important it is, and that's why I jumped at the chance to have an interview with Jeanette Yates because she's a self care coach for caregivers. But little did I realize until I actually did the interview that I have so much to learn. But I think I'm going to start having a little fun with it. Jeanette Yates is a lifelong caregiver, certified life coach, yoga instructor, modern mindfulness meditation teacher, and holds a Reiki level one certification. As the founder of the self caregiver, she has dedicated her life to helping caregivers prioritize their own self care and avoid burnout. Jeanette hosts the popular podcast from guilt to good self care solutions for busy caregivers, where she shares her expertise and interviews other experts in the field of caregiving and self care. Jeanette's signature program, the empowered self caregiver cohort, helps caregivers develop sustainable self care practices tailored to their unique needs and circumstances. Her approach combines self awareness, self advocacy, self compassion, and self care to help caregivers rediscover their worth and reclaim their time. When it comes to speaking about caregiving and self care, Jeanette is, is a seasoned expert. Her passion for empowering caregivers shines through in every conversation, as you'll hear.
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And she has a knack for making complex concepts more accessible and, quite frankly, more fun.
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I am certified in yoga. I'm a certified holistic wellness coach. I'm a certified, you know, mindfulness coach. But when I was at the peak of what people would have said, oh, she is healthy. I was actually at my least healthy because I was trying to do the things that I thought I was supposed to be doing to be healthy, because those were the messages I was getting from everywhere. Right? We all know that that's a whole separate podcast.
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There's this whole thing of, you know, health and wellness. And so even when I decided to step into this space of helping caregivers with their self care, I knew I was going to have to do it differently. Because what I want to help people understand is that any self care method, whether it's nutritional, fitness, beauty, you know, any of that stuff can work, but it won't work if it's not what your body really needs.
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And it won't work if you don't think you deserve it.
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So, yes, health and wellness has been a priority in my life. To answer your original question, I was doing all of that, but I was grasping at all of this stuff. Like, I want to be healthy, so I'm going to eat like this and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this. And then when that doesn't work, I'm going to do more of this or less of this or more of this.
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And I just kept grabbing, grabbing, grabbing. And what I've learned and what I teach now when I work with caregivers is, let's just set all of that aside and let's go back to the basics of what we all need. The first six months, I mean, I was having, the kids weren't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping. On top of dealing with all the trauma they were coping with, I didn't know which end was up. I was exhausted, totally physically exhausted. So I couldn't even think of going out for a walk, much less a run. And it's funny that you mentioned the sleep thing, because a lot of caregivers struggle with doing the self care things because they're too tired to do it. They're like, I would exercise if I wasn't exhausted.
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I would do this if I wasn't. I would spend more time on my hobbies if I wasn't exhausted. Well, maybe instead of guilting yourself because you can't exercise the way you want to or you think you should, or you can't do the hobby that you used to enjoy, because maybe what my body is screaming at me right now is the self care you need right now is sleep you need. And so when I work with caregivers, it's like, let's start with the basics first. Then we add the fun stuff. Then we're going to deal with exercise routines and nutrition and massages and pedicures and all the fun stuff. But that's not going to help get us what we need until we get those basics.
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One of the things that I talk about a lot when it comes to self care is self care is about you first, which, of course, as nurturers, we can't be all about ourselves, but, and we can talk more about this, but I'm going to just make this point. But while I do believe that focusing on yourself is, number one, you have to do the self care that you need to do, not what other people think you need to do. And also, it should be a priority even over caring for other people. And we can go into why that is later. But also, I do believe connection with other people is part of self care, because I think we're made however you think we may. We're made however you think we come into existence. One of the things about humanity being human is our connection, ability to connect with other people in a real way that's more unique. And so I do think it's part of it. But how we do it has to change, obviously, when we're caregiving. And, you know, something I didn't even realize until my husband brought it up was that on top of what we're trying to help the children with, we're coping with the fact that we're dealing with a traumatic family situation. Something has happened to one of our children that has caused us to be caring for these grandchildren.
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And I just wanted to say when, I love that you're doing that, and I love that one of the first things you acknowledged is when grandparents are taking care of their grandchildren, it's usually because of some sort of trauma that has happened in your family. It is not what you plan to do. It is not the expectation. And so I think it's really important, especially when we're talking about self care. To me, being able to address that in whatever way you have the capacity to do it, I mean, not everybody can afford, has time, has the capacity to go dig deep into therapy, but at least to have a community, which I love, that you're building this for people to come and say, yeah, this is traumatic. A traumatic situation got me here into this place. And then you're having to address your own trauma of whatever circumstances happened with your child. Right. And you have these children, these grandchildren of yours, who also have experienced trauma of their own, and you're having to both work on yourself and make sure that you're providing an environment for their own healing. And that is a lot of additional caregiving responsibility. Yes. And then add on top of all of that, the fact that we've had these retirement plans for our whole life, waited till the kids grew up, sacrificed already enough, and then everything's gone. In a day, your life turns around 180 degrees. It's a grief. It's like a death. It is a grief. It's a death. And I think one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and then other grandparents that are raising their grandchildren is the space to say that without the guilt on top of it, like, you can both love, be willing to, and accept that you are raising your grandchildren. That is what you have decided to do.
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You have chosen to do it and also grieve the life that you thought you were gonna have.
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So in my situ. So I wanna go back, first of all, and just acknowledge that, of course I am not a grandparent.
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My mom, she was diagnosed with her disease when I was eight years old, which meant a lot of family was around to help. And my grandmother and my great grandmother actually did a lot of caring for me. So it was this whole multilevel caregiving situation for her. So even though I do want to say I'm not a grandparent, I do remember having that experience as a child who needed a grandparent to step in having that, and that was a blessing. And so on behalf of children everywhere, thank you, grandmas and grandpas, for being there. We will look back on that and see that you tried the best you could. And so I just want to say that. But there is something I had to learn, and I learned it in therapy, but it's something that I also teach with my caregiving clients is the ability to hold two seemingly opposite truths. So for example, in my circumstance, my mom was disabled when I was eight. It was very traumatic for me. Then I went to live with relatives, not my grandmother in this case, but some other relatives. I was then abused in that situation. So that was a trauma compiled on that. And then I had some other circumstances in my life that were very traumatic. And while my mom, one truth, did the best she could. The other truth.
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Is, I still needed more care than I received. I still had a feeling of not being well tended to.
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That is not blaming my mom.
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I understand that she was doing what she needed to do at the time, what she was capable of doing, what was within her capacity. I also recognize now that that did not change the fact that there were parts of my care that were neglected.
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And so that's one of the two truths that I have, and I'm able to hold both of those. Give grace to my mom, but also grace to myself, because I was beating myself up for so long saying, you should be grateful. She was doing the best she could. And also, I had this trauma that I could not, did not know how to handle. So when we were talking about self care, any self care will work. Nothing's gonna work if you don't feel like you deserve it. However, for me, practicing mindfulness on a daily basis, I don't have all day to sit crisscross applesauce on the floor and zen out. I have more boundaries now, so I do have more time to zen out on my floor. So, yes, it does happen. But back to the point.
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Mindfulness, for me, what it did was it helped. It gave me space to be able to hold those two truths without judgment.
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And even if I could only do that for a portion of time, five minutes, practicing that even five minutes a day helped me to then incorporate that concept into the rest of my day. And then what I learned is, that was my first two truths.
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My mom did everything she could. It wasn't enough, is the shorthand of how I say it. So that's part of it. So in my mindfulness practice, when I say, she did what she could, I can have grace. For her, it wasn't enough. And then, you know, and that just learning to hold those two, just being able to say both of those things and not beating myself up about it, that's the first part.
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You know, I love my grandkids, but this wasn't my plan. I love my grandkids, but this wasn't my plan. I'm willing to take care of them, but this wasn't my. Whatever that is for you. So just holding those two truths without judgment, I know that sounds a little woo woo, but honestly, you may not feel like you can go post it on a poster board and stick it in your front yard. That causes other people to perhaps judge, right? You don't want to do that. You don't want to post it on social media, but maybe in your private Facebook group or in this community that you're building. And in your own mind, which is where the mindfulness comes in, you can say that without judgment allowing that to happen. And it just takes practice that happens. And then once you get comfortable with that, yeah, I love my grandkids. This was not what I wanted. I love my grandkids. This is not what I wanted. Then you can say, okay, now what? So instead of just holding onto this, it's not what I wanted. That's not where we want to stay. Well, and for us, this was just supposed to be temporary. We thought we were going to have the children for a while while their parents got back on their feet. Their mother got out of jail and their dad got his act together. But that's not how it worked out. And a year into it, we realized this may be a long term thing, but it's not where we wanted to be at this point in our life. But also, we knew it was the right thing to do, at least for the time being. And that's the other part of it. It's, you don't know how long you're going to be in this situation.
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I love that you said the choice, because another thing, and you can say if this is a feeling that grandparents may have that are in this circumstance, but I know it's for caregivers in general, there's this feeling of being stuck. Well, what the heck else am I supposed to do?
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You know, I have to do this. We feel stuck. So one of the things that I did, and it kind of released me and it took practice, obviously, but I said, well, what if you didn't have to do it? What if you just said no and allowed myself to understand because you just said it, we have a choice. We've made this choice. But then sometimes you forget you've made a choice. Now, in my situation, as a caregiver for a parent, and especially one that was sick my whole life, I don't know that I ever did make a choice. I think it was just here and then I had to say, well, now you have a choice. You may not. You know, you have made. You. You were grandfather, you know, you were kind of wrapped into this before you even knew that you were a caregiver, but now you're an adult, you can decide, do you want to be your mother's caregiver or not? And then that allowed me to say, yes, I do. And then for me, and this is something that, it's a little bit different for all of you because you did have to make the choice and then say, okay, now how is this going to work? Right. Some of you are still trying to figure that out. Right? Right. Are you doing this for a year? Are you doing this until they turn 18? You know, what is it? Yeah. Right. So, but I think just acknowledging that you have made the choice and then you get to decide how you're going to make it work.
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And it may not look like what you think it's going to look like.
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And this happens to caregivers that are caring for their parents. I'm sure it happens with you guys as well. But a lot of caregivers that are caring for their parents want to just say, okay, we're going to take what we did for our kids and we're just going to plop it over here for our parents. We're going to parent our parents. And that's not really what caregiving is.
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And I think to some extent, even though you're parenting a child just like you've already parented children, it is a little bit more similar, but you've changed.
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The dynamic with you and your grandchildren is different.
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And you may have to figure out, you know, it is a more of a parenting role that you do have to have more of those parenting disciplines. But I think that acknowledging that even if you've raised a three year old before, the way you were when your child was three is different than the way you are now. Parenting is totally different. And so you can't just carbon copy. And also what my mother in law always tells me is not only have you not ever raised a child that's your child's age, I have a 20 year old and 18 year old, but my 18 year old, I can't raise him at age 18. I can't do for him at age 18 the same exact thing I did for my 20 year old when he was 18, because they're different people. So everything's for the first time. So I think that's another air we can give ourselves. Grace, too, is not only are the children different, you know, the grandchildren different than the children, but also you're different, and parenting is different and each child is different, and it's a lot of different. So, grace, Grace, Grace, I want to say, number one, the biggest thing is to acknowledge that you can have time to take care of yourself. That's one thing.
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Another thing I would say I'm going to get some to some practical stuff, too.
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But there's some mindset shifts you have to make to be able to prioritize your care. That is one of them. I can actually make time. And one of the things I teach caregivers is no one is going to give you time.
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It's not just going to appear. Things are not just going to suddenly magically get easier, especially in your circumstance where you don't have a tribe of friends around you that is understanding what you're going through necessarily.
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So you're gonna have to take the time.
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You're going to have to make the time. Now that said, what I would also say is you're probably doing better than you think you are.
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So those are my two things. You're gonna have to make an effort, but you're already probably doing better than you think you are.
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I'm working on a book right now. I think I probably already wrote it in a blog post, too. But in my book, I talk about a caregiver I worked with. One day, she was dragging the hose over to make sure her plants got water, and she was like, I don't think I've had any water today. It was
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